* * *
I tuck in Aisha carefully on her side of the bed. In her sleep, she holds my shirt in her fist, not letting go, and I so wish she did it when she was awake too. I so wish she didn’t want to let go of me or our relationship. I don’t say it that much because I know it is all my fault, but it does hurt to think she was more ready to give up on our relationship than talk it out with me.
“I love you so much, Aisha,” I say, brushing the hair out of her face. Adoring her is my favorite thing to do. I could go all day with just staring at her face and never get bored.
She scrunches her feet in her sleep, and I have noticed this pattern a lot. She does this when her feet hurt, when she has been up on her feet all day long. I have told her multiple times to take rest, not to exert herself so much, but my hyper independent wife doesn’t listen.
I lift her feet and place them on my lap, and she groans in her sleep, turning to the other side. I gently lift up her pajamas so I can massage her legs. I find the nights to be the perfect time to speak from my heart because when she is awake, my courage falters.
I slowly press my fingers into her skin, trying to ease the tension in her legs. Her skin is warm in contrast to my cold hands, and she shivers in her sleep, her lips parting slightly.
“I am so in love with you,” I say to her sleeping figure, hoping that my words somehow reach her heart. “I sometimes wonder if you have done some sort of voodoo magic on me because the hold you have had on my heart and my soul from the momentour eyes met is inexplainable. I don’t mind if you have done it to me; I would say do it even more because if I were to ever be forced to live with someone, I would always choose it to be you. In any lifetime, in any universe. It has and always will be you.”
I sigh, my fingers gently moving from her legs to her feet, and I notice her body relax slightly.
“I don’t even know if what I am saying is making sense right now. All I know is that I love you. I have only been certain about that. Every cell in my body yearns for you, loves you, and wants to be with you. You have carved your name in my heart, in my body, and in my soul.”
I lean down to press a kiss to her feet.
“I know I cannot erase the past, but I can promise to give you a future you won’t ever regret. Cross my heart.”
She hums in her sleep, as if she’s heard everything I said, but I know she’s dead asleep. I tuck her in before lying down beside her, and when my eyes close at last, with sleep taking over me, they close with her beautiful face pressed against mine, and I pray that this is how it happens every day for the rest of my life on this earth.
* * *
“Maa, you need to stop pushing me past my limits.”
I groan in my sleep as Aisha’s voice reaches my ears. She sounds annoyed, and just her voice manages to wake me up. I wipe the rest of the sleep away from my eyes as I look around, and clearly she isn’t in the room.
I stretch my arms, a yawn leaving out of my mouth as I make my way outside to see why Aisha is arguing withMaathis early in the morning.
“Beta, I only want the best for you,”Maaurges, her eyebrows creasing in frustration, and my mom just keeps looking to andfro between the mother and daughter. “I want you to have a happy life.”
“I can have a happy life in my own ways too,Maa,” she says, her voice breaking. She sounds like she can ram her head against the wall any moment. And if she starts to sound like this, it is usually a cue that she can have a breakdown any moment.
Usually, I wouldn’t step in between the duo, but today feels like a different day. It feels like the conversation is breaking her heart, and in any way, I do not like the sound of that.
Anything that hurts her is a problem to me, even if it is her own mother.
“What’s going on?” I ask, and they all turn to look at me, and there’s accusation visible in Aisha’s eyes, and I wonder what I could have done now.
“Nothing,beta,”Maasays softly with a smile. “I was just suggesting she goes on a date with you.”
My eyebrows furrow. I don’t hate the sound of that. In fact, I would love to go on a date with her, but not if she isn’t happy about that. And looking at her, she clearly is not.
“She has a day off—”
“I do not have a day off,” Aisha interrupts, clutching her head in her hand. “I have a work-from-home day because there’s some work being done in the office for a few days. But that does not mean I can go out anytime I want.”
“I am not asking you to go out all the time,”Maasays, her tone strict. “You are being unreasonable. You need to take out time for each other if you want this three-month arrangement to work.”
“Maa,” I interrupt, no longer able to stop myself. “I am with Aisha on this.”
Aisha looks at me with surprise, and I feel her body relax slightly. She always looks like she is in fight or flight mode, and I have done my best to take her out of that. I have tried to makeher understand that she can turn her brain off when she is with me, that she doesn’t need to fight the whole world when I am by her side because I will gladly do it for her.
“She might have a work-from-home arrangement for a few days, but that doesn’t mean that she can go out anytime she wants. I would love to take her out on a date.” I look at Aisha to make sure she sees that I am serious about that. I would love nothing more than to have a whole entire day all to ourselves.
“But I don’t want you or anyone to force her to go out with me. I know you guys want us to stay together. I know you want these three months to work out in our favor, but I will never want her to do something out of obligation. She stays with me if she wishes too.”
