“OK,” she called back in a tone that was downright cheery, one I hadn’t heard in a long time.
I had loved Jack for years, had trusted him so much that I had children with him. But for some reason, my mom antennae were on high alert that day. For whatever reason, I didn’t want him near my girls, so I walked a few yards down the beach to meet him.
“Ans,” he said. “It’s you.”
I remember hugging him in my mint-green-and-pink bikini, him in his blue swim trunks, and wanting to pretend that I didn’t feel that same zip of electricity for him that I always had. But I had to consider that he might not have felt that same zip for me anymore.
“I didn’t know you were in town,” he said breezily. So breezily that it led me to believe he had known I was in town.
“Yup. Family vacation,” I said. I wanted to say something about Carter and that he had to run home to take care of something for work. But I couldn’t, for some reason.
Jack pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head and, squinting in the bright sun, asked, “Could I talk to you for a minute?”
That was when I knew for sure that Jack had known I was here and that, somehow, he had planned this.
“OK,” I said hesitantly. Maybe it made me foolish or high on myself, but I honestly thought this was going to be a conversation about us, how he missed us and wanted us together again. And as tempted as I would be, I knew I would say no. But nothing could have prepared me for what he said next.
“I know the situation with Carter might be tricky, but I was wondering how you might feel about letting me spend a little bit of time with Caroline and Sloane.” I felt my throat constrict. “They don’t have to know the truth or anything like that, but I would love to get to know them.”
I felt breathless. “What?” I whispered.
He was smiling at me, all happy, like this was the best idea he had ever had and that surely I was going to jump right on board. “Ansley,” he said. “Why do you look like I stole your puppy?”
I shook my head. “No, Jack,” I said. “No.”
He looked crestfallen. “Again, I’m not saying I want them to know I’m their biological father or anything like that. But I’d love to just take them out for ice cream or something. Anything.” He whispered, “They’re my children.”
That was when I felt strong. That was when my mama bear instincts kicked in at full force. “You can’t flip the script on me now, Jack. You agreed to this. This is what you asked for. You didn’t want children. I did. We couldn’t be together. Remember? I have Carter. I’m happy. I have a whole life. I won’t let you ruin it.”
Now it was his turn to look at me like I’d stolen his puppy. But honestly, did he think I was going to agree to this? It was too preposterous to even consider.
“I’m not going to ruin your life, Ansley,” he said, emotion lacing his voice. “I love you far too much to ever hurt you.”
That was it. Those were the last words Jack and I shared until our fateful meeting on his boat many years later. All I could say was what a difference a few years could make. Whereas that day on the beach, he had made me feel trapped and terrified, now, sitting beside me as my new husband, he couldn’t have made me feel safer.
I looked up at him now and said, “It feels weird with them all gone. It’s like those first few days when they would all be back in school and the house was quiet.” I paused and smiled up at him. “But now you’re here. And that’s pretty great, too.”
Jack leaned down and kissed me. “Well, my darling, I hate to leave you, but I’m going to go look at a building with Adam.”
“What?” I asked in surprise.
“Yeah. With the store downtown gone, we were thinking that someone should start a new one. Drinks, simple groceries, yacht provisions, a small deli. I think it would be a terrific business, and I’ve been looking for something to invest in.”
I laughed. “You’ve been looking to invest in Adam is what you’ve been looking to do,” I said.
“Can’t really think of a better investment,” Jack said. He stood up and patted my knee. “Family first.”
I stood up, stretched, and realized that I needed to be at work—it was almost ten, after all. I kissed my husband (my husband!) and walked down the street to my store.
I knew when I got there that Sloane would be in the window painting, enjoying her alone time, while my grandsons were safely at their preschool down the street. Vivi was loving sixth grade in Manhattan. Preston was accompanying his mommy in the mornings on her trips to Sloane Emerson New York. Emerson was as effusive as I had ever heard her over her new role as Sissy—and more than a little relieved that she hadn’t, in the end, married Mark.
Life was so good right now. I bit my lip, as if even thinking that was tempting fate. But we had been through our fair share of surprises this year. For now, I had to assume, we were sailing as calmly ahead as the boats beside me, making their way through the glass-slick channel.
THIRTY-EIGHT
emerson: the status quo
In my life, things had always had an order. For good or bad news, I always called Caroline first. Then Sloane. Then Mom. Then, the past few months, Mark. Mark was no longer a part of my life, but still, I felt like this was news he needed to hear from me.
