I would remind her of that when she was popping champagne on Friday night.
I thought about what Caroline said as I left the store and walked to Mark’s house. He was standing on the porch when I got there. Neither of us spoke. Instead, Mark swept me up in his arms and kissed me with so much passion that I couldn’t imagine how I could live without him, how I could possibly be happy without him in my life. All of the worries I’d shared with my sister earlier melted away.
An hour later, lying in his bed, catching my breath, I finally said, “I’m sorry, Mark.” I wasn’t sure if I was actually sorry, but it was my turn. I mean, he had basically told me I was an unfit mother, and I had taken it like a chump. Should I have to be defending myself to my fiancé? I wasn’t sure. But there in Mark’s arms, I felt like I was where I was supposed to be, like he had loved all the fight right out of me. That moment with Kyle, when I wondered if we had let something special slip by us, suddenly seemed irrelevant. This, Mark, was my life, my future.
“So when does the princess arrive?” I asked.
“Oh, right,” Mark said. “She’s actually asking everyone to call her Duchess now.”
“You’re joking.”
“I wish I were.”
I didn’t know how he’d lived an entire childhood with that nut and turned out even remotely normal. Mark rolled over and pulled me closer to him, kissing my forehead.
“That woman cannot keep our children,” I said lightly, not wanting to start another argument over our nonexistent kids.
“Oh, God, no,” Mark said. “Not happening. I wouldn’t even let her babysit for like an hour.” He kissed my lips softly. “Your sisters already said they would have kids for us if we needed them to,” he whispered. “Or we could adopt. Or we don’t even have to have kids.” His eyes welled up. “I’m sorry, Em. I don’t know why I do that, try to hurt you when I love you so much.” He kissed me again. “I can’t live without you. I’ve tried before, and I couldn’t do it. Without you, life isn’t life at all.”
I kissed him now. “I agree,” I said. “And I don’t want to fight with you. We have to figure out a way to get past this issue before we ruin this amazing thing between us.”
Mark nodded. “I know that. I do. And I’m going to try to be better. We’re not going to be that conventional couple. We’ll travel a lot. We’ll go back and forth to LA. I think I can come at least every other week or so while you’re there or wherever you’re on location.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Sure,” he said.
“And I’ll only take parts if they are really important. I don’t want to be away from you if it’s going to be for some sucky role that won’t get me anywhere.”
Mark kissed my nose. “Deal,” he whispered.
I felt so at peace and so right in that moment. I kissed him again. Then kissed him longer. “Hey,” I whispered. “When do you have to get back to work?”
He pulled me on top of him. “You mean I have a job?” he asked.
I giggled and was lost in him again, in that feeling of being so connected to another human being that you don’t ever want to be away from him, that the real world completely slips away. I briefly thought of poor Caroline unpacking boxes at Mom’s store, taking our punishment while I was over here having the time of my life.
But then again, I thought, as I kissed Mark deeper, Caroline had made me her servant on the regular when we were kids. It wouldn’t hurt her to have a little payback now. I closed my eyes and savored this moment with the man I loved. With my future husband. And I knew that I would sacrifice anything, be a different person, in exchange for getting to spend the rest of my life with him.
NINE
ansley: the first rule of parenting
Ihadn’t been able to face Jack for two days after I became pretty sure Caroline and Sloane knew he was their father—and I was pretty sure he knew they knew. Once Caroline had called him “Daddy dearest” that night, it all started making sense—why Jack had been acting so jumpy around me, why Caroline and Sloane had been the tiniest bit distant.
The mere idea of it made me feel sick. What would I say to the girls? Why hadn’t they come to me? But most of all, how could the man who claimed to love me more than life itself have hidden something so important?
After two days of avoiding Jack, not sleeping, and barely eating, I was at the point we all inevitably reach, where the knowing seems easier than the not knowing.
I knocked on Jack’s door, which was strange. I hadn’t knocked on his door ever. Since he’d moved next door and we’d gotten back together, I walked in and out as I pleased.
Confusion was written all over Jack’s face as he opened the door. “Did you forget your key or something?” he asked. I shook my head.
Even in my anger and sorrow, I couldn’t help but admire the entrance hall as I walked inside. I had designed this house for us, created a place where our children and grandchildren could come, where Jack and I could start the life together that we had always wanted. The marble floors, which had been there for more than a century of this home’s century-and-a-half life span, had been beautifully restored and honed. A large oyster-shell chandelier hung every six feet down the hall’s long path. It was perfect. And knowing that the life we were supposed to share might never come to fruition broke something inside me.
Whereas I had carried nothing but my righteous indignation over here, I was now handing Jack my tears.
“Babe, come here,” he said soothingly.
