She ran her fingers through her hair, patted my leg, and said, “It’s all cleaned up now. Don’t worry. But don’t do it again.”
I shook my head. “Car, I’m paying you back.”
I couldn’t begin to imagine where I would get that kind of money, but I would. Little by little, I would pay my sister back the debt I owed.
She shook her head. “No, Sloane. I don’t want you to. I had put something aside for a rainy day, and this was a rainy day.” She cleared her throat. “So now you will owe me and, trust me, I will cash in the favor in a big way.”
I threw my arms around her neck again. “Whatever you want, Caroline. Honestly. Anything.”
She raised her eyebrow, and I realized I shouldn’t have offered that. But I felt free, like I was running through an open field of daisies. And now the credit card would be used solely for emergencies, just like Adam and I had always intended.
Part of me felt bad for not paying my sister back, but I also knew it was completely fruitless to argue with her. It always had been. Even when we were kids.
Even about the big things.
In the fifth grade, when we were studying genetics, I became obsessed with the idea that my father didn’t give me any of my DNA—and I desperately wanted to know whohad. Where were my brown eyes from? The dimple in my chin? Was my biological father good at math like I was? I had gone to my parents, but they told me that Caroline and I had to agree about whether to find out who our biological father was since we had the same donor. I thought that would be simple. Why wouldn’t Caroline want to know who her father was?
Only, she didn’t. She was adamant. “Why would you do that to Dad?” she had asked me. “What if he came to you and said he had another daughter he wanted to meet? How would you feel about that?”
She always knew how to get to me, to appeal to my emotions, of which I had many. “He seemed OK with it,” I had said, a little hurt.
“Well of course heseemedOK with it. He didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” Then she had crossed her arms and sighed. “Fine. If you want to crush our daddy by trying to have someone take his place, then fine by me. But that’s on you, Sloane.”
I remember how the tears stung my eyes, and I vowed right then and there that I would never hurt my dad by finding out who my real father was. After he died, I considered it, but then I didn’t want my mom to feel like I was trying to replace him. So I went on about my life—and watched a lot of Lifetime movies where the daughter gets a disease and has to search out her biological parents. I didn’twanta disease. But I had to be prepared.
“I’ve never been able to argue with you,” I said now. “Not even about finding out who our sperm donor was.”
Caroline scrunched her nose. “I’m sorry.”
I put my hand over my chest and made a face like I was having a heart attack.
“Ha. Ha,” she said. “My apologies are not that rare. But it wasn’t right of me to talk you out of finding out who our sperm donor was. If it was something you felt like you needed to know, I should have gotten on board.”
I smiled. “Of all the bitchy things you ever said to me, the one about replacing Daddy might take the cake.”
“That’s really saying something.” She paused and looked down at her hands, the massive apology diamond James had bought her catching my eye. “But Dad wasn’t the reason why I didn’t want to meet our sperm donor.”
“Were you scared?”
“Maybe a little. But I was most worried about Emerson. It would be like you and I had this whole family that she wasn’t a part of. I didn’t want her to feel left out.”
I squeezed her hand. “Caroline, that may be the most selfless thing you’ve ever done.”
She swallowed and nodded regally. “I know,” she said very seriously, and we both burst out laughing.
“If you want to know now,” she said, “I’m OK with that. I could handle it.”
I smiled and raised my eyebrows. “Do you want to know?”
“No, but I will if you want to.”
I shook my head. “Nah. I’m fine. I don’t need to open that door. My life is complicated enough.” I paused. “Plus, I mean, I know she’s twenty-six, but I kind of feel like it would be worse for Emerson now than it would have been when we were kids. I mean, it’s like we get this replacement father, and hers is still dead.”
Caroline shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Mooooommmmmmmeeeeeee,” I heard AJ call from down the hall.
“Good timing,” Caroline said.
