Emerson walked through the front door, canvases in her arms.
“Sloane!” Mom gasped, admiring each one. “You should sell these.”
I was going to say no. These canvases were too important to me. They were my heart and soul, all of my emotions draining out from my fingertips and onto the canvas. But then I remembered: I needed the money. This could be the answer to my prayers. It could get me out of the mess I’d made and help me start over. I picked up one of the canvases. Sure, these paintings may have helped bring me out of the darkness. But if I could let them go, I would be free. Not forever. But for now. “Not yet, Mom. I’m not ready. But soon.”
Grammy walked in wearing a beautiful yellow pantsuit. Her hair was freshly combed and her makeup expertly applied with a steady hand, but I would never get used to seeing her with a cane. I didn’t like it. It made her seem old. I didn’t want her to be old. I wanted her to be young and so very alive. I wanted her to walk on the beach with us, take the boat over to Starlite Island. I wanted her to be immortal. As foolish as it seems, I almost believed she was.
She hugged me and kissed my cheek. “We had so much fun with the boys, darling. They are precious.”
Then she hugged Caroline. “And that James.” She paused. “I hate him much less now.”
We all laughed as Mark burst through the door. Emerson jumped into his arms like she hadn’t seen him in months, kissing him passionately.
“Darling, for heaven’s sake,” Grammy said.
Mark backed away from Emerson, assessing her. “Why do you have on long sleeves?”
Caroline and I shared a glance.
Mark was studying Emerson’s face. As he said, “Oh my God, Emerson,” she pulled him out the door, and I knew he had noticed her bruise. I looked at Caroline again and she mouthed, “Doctor. Today.”
I motioned toward the front door with my head, and Caroline followed them. She could handle that one.
I had other things on my plate, namely paying my bills.
TEN MINUTES LATER Iwas sitting on the end of the bed, thinking about miracles. My dad always believed in them. Adam certainly did. And me? I did to an extent, I suppose. But, while a lot of great things had happened to me in my life, I wasn’t sure that any of them would qualify as a miracle. I mean,miracleis a pretty big word, something that defies logic, that defies explanation, something that you seemingly willed into being. But that was the only, single explanation for what was happening now.
I just kept staring at$0.00 due. How was that possible? After years of feeling sick every month, of making minimum payments and watching the overall balance climb higher and higher, of being terrified Adam—or anyone, for that matter—might find out this terrible secret that, while, on the outside, I appeared to be this wonderful steward of our family’s money, in reality, I was nothing more than a fraud, I had been given a clean slate.
I heard Caroline’s voice. “You’re going to burn a hole through it.”
She sat down beside me, and I clutched the paper to my chest so she couldn’t see. “Is that your credit card bill?” she asked.
I wanted to lie. I was so embarrassed about my spending habits and how it had been nearly impossible for me to support our family on our salary. But she was my sister. Maybe there shouldn’t be big secrets between sisters. Besides, this was Caroline. I could tell her now, or she would pull it out of me later.
I looked at her in amazement. “It’s gone,” I said, still totally mystified, looking at the zeroes again and praying it wasn’t a glitch in the computer system.
“Your credit card is gone?”
“No. My balance.”
She looked at me like I was dense. “Well, yeah, it’s gone,” she said. “I paid it.”
I could feel my eyes widen. “You paid my credit card bill?”
She nodded. “Somebody had to pay your bills while you were in a coma in here.” She paused. “And, no offense, but how in the hell did you ever,everthink you were going to pay it?”
I threw my arms around her neck with so much force that I nearly knocked us both off the bed. I could feel the tears in my throat. “I will pay you back. I promise,” I said. “This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
“Sloane, what were you thinking?”
I shrugged, ashamed. “I don’t know. It’s what I do to keep the boys from feeling sad their dad is gone. I buy them stuff they don’t need and I can’t afford.” I sighed. “I always assumed we were going to get the money Dad had left us, and it would be fine. Then I couldn’t stop, and the bill kept getting higher. And I would save up a little to pay it down, and then something would happen and we’d need the money...” I trailed off, envying my sister’s life. She didn’t have these worries. She had an endless amount of money at her disposal. I couldn’t imagine what that felt like, how freeing it must be to know that, no matter what, you were going to be OK. You could pay your way out of whatever mess you spent yourself into.
We didn’t have that luxury. I didn’t want to wound Adam’s pride, but I needed that security. I needed to know that if something happened, I wouldn’t have to go running to my mom or sister. I could in an emergency, of course, but a run-up credit card bill didn’t feel like an “emergency” per se. I needed a job.
Caroline took my hand. “I totally get that, Sloane, but they don’t care about all that stuff.”
I nodded, tears gathering in my eyes. “The worst part is that it felt like every month I was lying to Adam. I was living in fear that he would get to the mailbox before I did, open my credit card bill, and see what I had done.”
