“That or become a full-time assassin for Queen Nimue.”
“An impossible choice.”
I shake my head. “No. I know the right one now. I should have known it then too.”
“What will happen to you? Will the curse remain if you don’t kill me?”
I choose my answer carefully. “Zara was convinced Nimue has no intention of letting me die.”
“Good.” He looks back at the stars. I do as well, but I can only focus on him. He stands so close, yet so distant, his arms pinned to his sides, mirroring my stiff posture. Every muscle in my body aches with the desire to draw nearer to him. But I don’t. I still don’t know why he’s here. Why he wanted to talk. His presence might not mean what my heart hopes it does.
I hold my breath and wait for him to speak again.
Minutes pass.
Then a sigh. Slowly, he looks over at me.
My brow furrows as my eyes lock on his. His expression is unreadable, uncertain. He’s neither the stoic brother of Saint Lazaro nor the lighthearted boy at the boxing match. He’s a man stuck between. Or perhaps somewhere outside of both.
A light touch brushes my fingers and I stifle a gasp. My body goes still as I wait for the touch to recede. But it doesn’t.
His fingers brush mine again, this time with more obvious intent. He glances down at our hands. Then, finger by finger, he weaves his through mine.
His voice comes out barely above a whisper, his gaze still locked on our clasped hands. “Will you ever forgive me?”
I frown, uncertain I heard him right. “There’s nothing to forgive. I’m the one who should be begging you.”
“So will you?”
“Beg? Or forgive you?”
Keeping our fingers laced, he angles his body to face me. With his free hand, he brushes a strand of hair off my forehead, freeing it from the light breeze that tangles my pink tresses. His eyes take on the intense quality I’ve come to know well. “I should have come to you the minute I learned you were safe. Podaxis got word to me that you’d escaped Zara.”
My eyes widen. “He did?” My little friend never mentioned that. Part of me wants to feel betrayed, but it holds no weight. Podaxis did what I couldn’t bring myself to do. What I didn’t think Dorian would want me to do. Despite my relief that Dorian seems grateful I survived the vicious fae, mention of Zara sends a pit in my stomach. “I killed her.”
Surprise flashes over Dorian’s face for just a moment.
Words tumble out of my mouth, and I tell him everything that happened after he saw me and Zara disappear from my bedroom. I tell him about being trapped in the sea, then my conversation with her on the beach. How Nimue manipulated me, hid the truth of my not-always-lethal kiss, and cursed my lips instead. How I tricked Zara into the bargain that killed her. Until this morning, I hadn’t been certain it had. Then Podaxis used his spy talents and listened around the precinct. There he confirmed a body was discovered in one of the cells. A sea fae with brown and white scales and W-shaped pupils. One no officer recalls bringing in.
I shudder to consider what I did, and yet…
“I’m disgusted that I killed her, but I don’t regret it.”
He places a hand on my cheek. “I would have done it too. A thousand times over if it meant saving your life. I hate that I froze when I first saw her. All I could think about was the fae I killed. I seized up, body and mind.”
I lift a tentative hand and place it on his chest. His heart pounds against my palm. “It’s not your fault.”
“That’s why I started boxing, you know. I had nightmares about the fae I killed for years. In some of them, she ate me alive. In others, I was the monster and carved her up limb by limb. I would always wake screaming, tasting her blood in my mouth, feeling it invading my nose and eyes. When I took up boxing, I felt strong. It helped me get used to seeing blood on my hands without thinking of hers. It taught me I could fight and defend myself without it resulting in another’s death. The nightmares stopped.” He steps closer, pressing the fronts of our bodies together. “But when I saw her attack you, I wanted to kill her. My rage snapped me out of my fright. If only I’d been faster. If only I’d shut her up before she drove her wedge between us.”
“You regret knowing the truth about me?”
“I regret that you were forced to tell me before you were ready.”
I avert my gaze, a swell of shame rising into my heart. “I wasn’t going to tell you. I…I—” I can’t bring myself to confess the rest. That I had planned to go to my death so that he could live. That I was too selfish to die with him hating me.
He places his forefinger under my chin and tips my head back so that I meet his eyes again. “I understand why you did it. Why you did all of it. All I want to know is this…do you have feelings for me?”
I open my mouth to answer, but a question of my own escapes my lips. “Are you married?”
