I shutter my eyes a few times, but the vision doesn’t disappear. Nor does it move. Dorian’s gaze is locked on mine, his face as cold and expressionless as it was the day the bridal competition began. My chest feels tight. If I were to dream about him, why couldn’t I have conjured the smiling version?
Because that would hurt even more.
I put a hand to my forehead. “I’m asleep, aren’t I?”
Dorian’s face finally flickers. Just a twitch of his mouth, his brow. Then his eyes leave mine to trail down the length of my body and back again. “Is this what you wear to bed?” His voice is soft, tentative.
I glance down at myself, studying my loose trousers, my shirt left unbuttoned several inches below my collarbone. That’s when I notice something else. When I dress in men’s clothing, I wear no corset, but I normally at least wear a waistcoat or jacket in public. Since I’m home in bed, there’s no reason to don anything else. Which leaves a less-than-subtle hint of my swells and crests.
A blush heats my cheeks, and I bring my eyes back to Dorian’s. I find a flicker of amusement in his dark irises, the ghost of a smile tugging his lips. Then I notice the strip of cloth peeking up from under his shirt collar—a bandage to cover the wound Zara inflicted on his throat. “You’re really here,” I whisper.
Instead of answering, he holds out a paper bag. I take it from him. The aroma of fried dough, Starcane sugar, cinnamon, and cardamom infuse the air before I even open the bag. When I look inside, I find four round Lumies.
“What’s this for?”
He sighs before speaking. “A peace offering.”
Tears spring to my eyes. His words and actions reflect mine the morning I caught him training. Was it truly less than a week ago? It feels like an eternity since then. My throat tightens, and it’s only made worse when his expression softens, his eyes shifting from hard to pleading.
“I hope you don’t think too badly of me.” Another echo of that conversation. His voice quavers slightly.
There’s only one thing I can say to that. I lift my chin and aim for haughty, but I don’t have it in me. My lip trembles as I say, “That would imply that I think of you at all. Which I do. I do all the time. I have every moment since I left your side.”
His lips flick into a sad smile. “Can we talk?”
We’re already talking, but I know that’s not what he means. I’ve yet to invite him in and he still stands on the other side of my threshold. I glance behind me at my messy bed, my cramped quarters, the stale air resulting from my self-imposed convalescence. “Yes, but not here.”
“A walk then?”
I nod. “How would you like toreallysee the stars?”
* * *
After leavinga note for Podaxis telling him where I’ve gone and not to worry, I take Dorian to Cape Vega. We walk side by side in silence, sharing my gifted Lumies until the bag is empty. His presence is a comfort, but his distance from me is equally distressing. Every inch feels too great. The absence of his hand in mine feels like a missing limb of my own. But I don’t dare reach for him. I still don’t know why he sought me out. It’s after midnight and tonight was the last night of his bridal pageant. He could be…married.
We finally reach the cape and make our way to the edge of the bluff. The sea below is dark and calm, the surface sparkling beneath the light of the moon and stars. Dorian lifts his eyes to the sky, and I watch his expression shift to awe. His lips melt into a smile and his eyes crinkle at the corners.
He sighs. “I haven’t seen the stars like this since I lived in the Wind Court.”
“This is the best place to see them in Lumenas. We’re far enough away from downtown. I come here now and then to look at the sea. It’s as close as I’ve allowed myself to get since…” I trail off, realizing such a topic is getting painfully close to tense subjects.
Dorian’s eyes leave the sky to find my face. Then his gaze slides to the water, the sliver of rocky shore beneath the bluff. “This is where you rescued me, isn’t it?” He nods toward the water. “That’s where my ship went down.”
I nibble my lip, realizing this might not have been the best place to bring him after all. He might see it as insensitive. I’m about to apologize when he speaks again.
“If you rarely come here, what are the chances that you came the same night I was? The exact moment my ship was attacked?”
My pulse pounds. I study his face, seeking signs of suspicion. Does he think…
“You saved my life, Maisie. If you hadn’t been here, I would have died. You could have left me to drown. You could have abandoned me on the beach or turned me over to the authorities. You could have done any number of things, yet you saved me.”
My chest feels a bit lighter, but I suppress the hope that begs to grow. “I also tried to kill you, Dorian.”
“Was anything between us real?”
I hold his gaze, willing him to feel the truth of my words. “All of it. The good…and the bad. Nothing can erase what I tried to do to you. Not even an immortal lifetime would be long enough for me to express how sorry I am that I ever took that bargain.”
“You were cursed to die if you didn’t take it.”
