I waved to Ella, and she ran out throwing her arms around my boss/boyfriend/love of my life.
‘Night, Nick.’
‘Night, Ella.’
We hopped into the Uber and went home.
Nick
I looked out the car window on the way home and attempted to make appropriate responses and smile at my daughter.
‘I wish I had a sister. Ella is lovely. She’s so lucky to have a mum. Abbey is gorgeous too. Ella says they have movie nights, and that she prefers her mum’s place to her dad’s place because she doesn’t like her dad’s new girlfriend and her mum has a degree of chill. She said she wants Abbey to have a boyfriend, and she is excited because Abbey’s sister, Ella’s Aunt Kate, has a friend who is a doctor. An actual doctor. Ella says that doctors are the best.’
Ev threw me a dark look across the car, which I ignored.
We finally got home and got Summer into bed.
‘I love you, Daddy,’ Summer said, and she kissed my nose. I sometimes try to find Rebecca in her face, but she looks so much like me, Bec didn’t get a look in.
‘Goodnight, Sum.’
‘I like it here. You seem happier.’
‘Do I?’
She nods at me solemnly.
‘Goodnight, Sum. Love you.’
When I got back to the lounge room, Ev had made us a cup of tea and was looking at me with a stern expression.
‘What was tonight, Nick?’ There was a distinct helping of attitude that instantly made me defensive.
‘I’m not clear on what you are referring to, Evelyn.’
‘What are you doing with that woman? It isn’t good enough. She likes you. A lot. And she is lovely. And you like her.’
‘I’m not discussing it with you, Ev. Quite frankly, it is none of your business.’
‘Actually, Nick, itismy business because I am a co-owner of the company and one-third of the board that Abbey works for. And I’m your sister.’
‘Abbey’s a grown-up. She knows exactly what the deal is.’
‘Oh, that’s why she left upset? After we all had a great time? And you playing happy families with the kids, but not prepared to commit yourself. I love you. That’s why I can tell you to your face, you are being a prick.’
‘I don’t need this, Ev.’ I reached for the tea she had made me, not meeting her eyes.
‘That’s fine. I don’t need it either, Nick. I have enough men in my life with the emotional capacity of a small puddle. It’s just hard to watch my brother – who, when he lets himself love someone, loves them better than anyone else I know – not allow himself to love. I’ll stay at Ollie’s tonight. Goodnight, Nick. Fuck you.’
She left, taking her teacup, and I sat in the dark. I finished my tea and then dragged my exhausted arse to bed.
What the fuck was I doing?It was supposed to be a night where Abbey felt appreciated.
I started undressing, undoing my belt and taking off my jeans. The problem was that she already felt like a part of my family. And so did Ella. I’d stopped thinking and just relaxed and it felt completely natural. And I forgot.
I forgot the boundaries. I forgot about Rebecca. Her illness. The day she died and the blackness in the months after.
I can’t let that happen again. I was giving mixed signals. I need to protect Abbey better.
