Ella and I hopped into the chauffeured car, which drove us to the door of a cute little restaurant in the city. My child was pretty certain she was rich and famous tonight.
‘I feel like Margot Robbie, Mum.’
We entered the casual but elegant restaurant and Family Nick was there. And he … I could tell he would be the most dangerous Nick of all.
Family Nick took everyone’s order and chatted to the girls over the menu about what they wanted to eat, listening intently to their thoughts, and then grossed them out by telling them all the weird things he had eaten around the world. I tried not to buy in, but I could not stop smiling at him.
I watched him throughout dinner. He was so relaxed around his sister and Summer. Family Nick and Holiday Nick were the same, but minus Sex God Nick, and I suspected that this was actually him, just Nick. I wished Ollie could have been there too and from time to time the two Northby siblings would go quiet, and I knew they were thinking the same.
Family Nick was indulgent and devoted. He would bend down when Summer spoke, eager to hear anything she told him. He was equally great with Ella. I couldn’t stop looking at him. He was breathtaking. Pale-blue jeans and a white shirt. Classic and masculine and beautiful. The waitress tried to flirt with him, but he didn’t notice. He was ours. The women at this table.
After dinner, he took the girls next door where there was an arcade place, leaving Evelyn and me to chat.
‘How long have you been in love with Nick, Abbey?’
I almost spat out my wine. But I couldn’t see the point of attempting to deny it.
‘It’s hard to define. Maybe straight away or maybe I just realised this week.’
‘Rebecca died when Summer was eight months old. You are the first woman I’ve ever had dinner with. He doesn’t do things like this.’
‘I don’t know what he does and what he doesn’t do, Ev. I think if he wanted a relationship or to talk about feelings, he would. But he runs every time I think he is going to say something about how he feels about me. So …’ I shrugged. ‘It feels like I’m the only one emotionally involved and, frankly, that is not a great feeling. And I know I can’t keep doing things like this. He will break my heart. And it’s not like I’m some blind teenager walking into this.’
I sighed. ‘I want a relationship of love and devotion; I don’t want to be the only one in it. I’ve already pretended my way through a marriage. I know what I want now. I’m not prepared to settle for less. And Nick … Nick gives me no sign that he wants anything more than … what has already happened.’
‘Fuck, men are hard.’
‘Cheers to that,’ I said, clinking my glass to hers.
When they came back from the arcade flushed and grinning, Ella was gushing. ‘Mum. Nick, Summer and I played thisJurassic Parkgame and Nick brought down the biggest dinosaur. Summer and I were FREAKING OUT, like screaming. Nick is the best. He’s so funny.’
‘Hero complex,’ he provided, throwing a lopsided grin my way.
I was done. It was one thing for me to be in love with him. Under no circumstances could I allow him to break Ella’s heart, too. I stood and picked up my handbag. ‘Ella, it’s getting late. We should get you home.’
His face fell.
I could not get out of there quickly enough. ‘Say goodbye and thank you. I’ll meet you out the front, Ella. I’m just going to order an Uber.’ I walked hastily out the door, offering his sister a perfunctory kiss on the cheek. ‘Bye, Ev.’
When I reached the fresh air, I took in a deep gulp and threw my head back to look at the sky. A tear had come free, and I pushed it away, furious with myself.
‘Abbey.’
‘Nick, I need to go.’
‘Okay, I’ll get the car for you.’
‘Nick, I don’t need your car, or you.’
He took a step closer to me, and I stepped back from him. His eyes had darkened, and a crease had formed between them, concern on his face. He reached for my hand, but I took another step back.
‘Abbey.’ I heard frustration.
But I wouldn’t let him comfort me. I could see his sister trying to keep our girls inside, keeping them engaged with a fish tank just inside the door, to give us a minute.
‘You’re upset.’
‘I can’t keep doing this, Nick. I want … I want more than this. I don’t want whatever this is. It isn’t enough. And I can’t have Ella wanting it too.’
