Stop brooding,Lynn would have muttered at me if she were here, but I was alone in the church now, so I dropped my head into my hands and let the heavy sigh out of my chest.
I just wanted to see her again, talk to hear, hear the soft whisper of her laughter and find out if I could make her throw her head back and gift me with a real laugh.
I jumped, lifting my head when someone sat beside me, fully prepared to tell Priest to mind his own business. My words, and my mouth, dried up when I saw Jessia sitting beside me. God, she was beautiful. Her soft brown hair flowed in waves around the shoulders of the dark red coat she wore, her skin flushed, a few freckles scattered over the bridge of her nose. I expected cagy irritation when I met her eyes, but there was only a steady calm.
“It hurts you, doesn’t it?” she asked, so quietly that her voice didn’t echo around the church walls. “When I’m close.”
“No,” I disagreed, too loud, too forceful. I closed my mouth, swallowed. “Never that,” I insisted, doing a poor job of keeping my voice even but this time because it turned scratchy. God, her scent, those wildflowers and wide, open fields. My throat ached.
She watched me struggle, then covered my hand with hers, squeezing tight. I had to look away, the lump swelling in my throat. Fuck, I didn’t normally cry, but I couldn’t help it. Emotion hit me from all sides and I’d been unprepared for it.
“It hurts me that I had one single chance to earn your trust, and I fucked it up,” I said with difficulty. “Not that you’re here. Never that.”
“You did fuck it up,” she agreed, sending a dagger right into the vulnerable flesh of my heart. “And you don’teverget to decide something for me ever again. I deserve to be part of every conversation, every decision that involves me.”
I nodded, choking down the noise that built in my throat when she kept her hand on mine, warm and steady and so reassuring that it hurt. Confusing as fuck, too. Jessia was an angel, but I’d expected to walk over hot coals to earn even a minute of her time. I’d expected her to be mad for weeks, months, but here she was holding my hand and I didn’t know what the hell to think.
“I’d like to know what your expectations of a mate bond are,” she said while I floundered. She was so fucking graceful, so composed and together. I’d followed Lynn’s advice and shaved, given my hair a trim, but I still felt a little like the Tramp to her Lady.
“My expectations,” I echoed, and cleared my throat when my words emerged thick.
She nodded, sitting with her back straight beside me. Nowhere near relaxed or at ease, but she was here, speaking to me, and god I’d missed her.
“I hadn’t got that far,” I admitted with a raspy laugh. “I never expected you to want anything to do with me, even before you knew I’m your mate. You were happy, and I didn’t want to get in the way of that, so I didn’t let myself think about what it would be like.”
“So think about it now.”
I gave her a wide-eyed look. “Are you serious?”
She nodded, her expression utterly unreadable. “Think about it. What are your expectations of a mate?”
I scrubbed a hand over my jaw, staring ahead at the pews, the altar. What did I want in a mate?
“Honestly,” I said, “I just want what we had before. I want to spend time with you, bitching about my plants that refuse to grow, making you laugh. Those times you stayed in my room—I want more of that. I want to spend time with you and know it’s where you want to be, and not feel guilty because I’m taking you away from someone else.”
“Devil,” she sighed.
I shrugged. “I’m not putting this on you; they’re my feelings, my shit to deal with. But I want more, Jessia. I want all of it—the bond, a relationship, getting to see you every day, building a life with you.” It hurt to put all this out there, but she’d asked, so I’d give her the truth. “I want more time with you. That’s the most important thing. I just want time. Everything else can come later, or never—whatever you need is what I need, too.”
“Okay,” she said. “What else?”
“I want to take you out on my bike, just the two of us. Whenever you’re ready to spend time with me again.”
“I’m spending time with you now,” she pointed out.
“Fuck knows why.” I glanced at her. “Whyareyou giving me the time of day, angel? I thought you’d hate me forever.”
Something flashed through her hazel eyes. Anger, maybe. “I never hated you. I was angry—am angry. You never had the rightto keep this bond secret from me. I reserve the right to be angry about that for a long time, and you should think about how you’re going to make it up to me.”
A smile curled my lips. “You want me to beg on my knees, angel?”
The look she gave me was both aloof and amused. “That would be a start.”
I slid onto the floor in an instant, my hands in my lap as I peered up at her, a shock going through my heartbeat when I found her watching me with something almost soft. Fond.
“You’re my mate,” she said, as if testing out the words.
I had to screw my eyes shut, emotion crushing my airways, pressing on my chest. “Say—say it again,” I pleaded.
