“You’re my mate,” she repeated with more confidence. “And I don’t know what happened in your life to make you think you deserve to suffer, alone with the knowledge of our bond, but it ends now. This isourbond. It’s a gift, Devil—”
“Fil,” I rasped.
“It’s a gift, and I don’t know why you saw it as something to curse me with. I think, maybe, that says more about how you see yourself than me. Why do you have such a poor opinion of yourself?”
I dropped my eyes. “I don’t, exactly. But I—my mum spent her whole life traumatised by what her first husband did to her. She jumps at shadows even now, has to check the house is locked three times before she goes to bed, won’t go anywhere without my dad and—” I sighed, raking a hand through my hair.
“Why would you ever make me afraid?” she asked, guessing my fears. “Fil, you’ve never hurt me, never threatened me. You were the one who got me out of that basement and I’ve trusted you ever since. Maybe even before that. Do you really think you’re like the man who hurt your mum?”
I shrugged, didn’t look up at her. “He was her mate, and an alpha—”
“What about Guardian? He’s Vienna’s mate, and he’d never dream of hurting her. And Warning—I’m pretty sure he’d rather drive a knife into his heart than make Everly cry. They’re alphas. And mates. Why are you so convinced you’re bad?”
I shook my head, a lump in my throat, the floor cold beneath my knees. “I swore I would never be like that piece of shit who abused my mum—”
“And you’re not.” Jessia sighed and slid onto the ground with me, ignoring my attempts to pass her a cushion to kneel on. “Men like that don’t spend weeks agonising over hurting their mates. Or months. Years, even. Men like that find ways to explain it away, to find excuses for their behaviour. They’ll apologise at first, maybe even for a few months, bring gifts as penance, try to change and be better, but it never lasts. The violence comes more often, then it becomes normal. Expected. Part of every day life. And theyacceptthat. No, they thrive in it. They crave the power, love making people feel small and powerless and afraid.”
Every word made my stomach tighten. I jumped when she took my face in her hands, her fingers so warm against my cheeks. Her eyes were like steel when they met mine. “Name one time you’ve been like that. Name one time you’ve hurt someone andrevelledin it. Name one time you’ve exploited a power imbalance andlovedit.”
Her eyebrow arched, prompting me to speak.
“You’re very hard to argue with,” I rasped, earning a fierce smile. “Fine, I’ve never been like that. And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure I never am. But—”
“Fil, please shut up.”
I did, even as I smiled. How the hell did we get here, from her avoiding me, resenting me for keeping secrets, to her holding myface, a light in her eyes that made me want to break down and cry? The bond between us was alive, thrumming with so much that I couldn’t decipher it.
“I’ve known men like your mum’s ex,” she said, her smile fading. “I was married to one. Am still technically married to him.”
“Not for long,” I muttered.
“I know how it feels to be around them. I know the danger of locking eyes with a predator like that, even if they hide it at first. I’ve known you long enough to see you at your core. There are Knights I avoid because there’s a darkness around them, something in their eyes—rage or trauma or their own fear. You can recognise the darkness if you’ve lived in it, and I lived in it. But you are sunlight, Fil. No matter how angry I am, that never changed. I see you, and you’re light.”
I swallowed, doing nothing to reduce the knot in my throat. “What is it you want in a mate, Jessia?” I asked, hoarse, quiet.
“I want a partner, not a keeper,” she replied immediately, seeming to realise she was still touching me and dropping her hands. “I want all the things you said—companionship and support and time. I want you close. You’re safety and comfort to me, and I want to know what else you could be with time.”
“A pain in the ass, probably.”
“I don’t doubt it,” she agreed with a laugh. “I don’t think it would ever be dull, being your mate. I’d always have laughter, and happiness, and I’d always know I’m safe. After the Alpha’s Bark—” She wet her lips. “After that, being around you and knowing I’m protected is like a drug.”
I flexed my hands on my knees. “You should know I’m not a good man. I’ll kill, stalk, threaten, and torture anyone who messes with the Knights, with my family, with you. I might be light, but sometimes that light can burn.”
She smiled. God, why was she smiling when I was trying to warn her off? “Some people deserve to be burned,” she replied, and I knew right then and there that she was my perfect match. My mate in every way.
12
JESSIA
“Watch it,” ChaCha hissed as I threw a dress on its hanger at the bed she happened to be sitting on. I’d taken a new room, my original one cleaned out and ready for someone new, and it had been filled with my things for a few weeks now. I hadn’t stayed with Devil overnight again yet, but I was hoping that would change tonight.
“The bed is for throwing clothes onto,” I said. “It’s not my fault you’re sat on it.”
She made an affronted noise. “And here I was trying to help you, offering moral support in your hour of need, standing by your side while you—”
“Alright,” I cut in with a laugh. “Point taken. Just tell me which one these saysI’m a very classy woman who may or not be hoping to get fucked tonight.”
“That’s a specific request for one dress.” ChaCha sat up from a slouch, giving me her full attention. “But I’m up for the task. Try this slinky black one first.”
