“At least it wasn’t your choice,” I muttered. No, Devil had sworn her to secrecy. He’d told her to hide it from me, and probably told the others to hide it, too.
“Did you actually stab him?” Lynn asked with dark curiosity, grabbing a fistful of popcorn from the bowl I held.
“No, I just pointed it at him.”
“Shame. He definitely deserves a light stabbing for lying to you.”
“It wouldn’t have been light,” I said, scowling. “I would have killed him.”
She scoffed around a mouthful of popcorn. “Yeah, sure. You’d just kill your mate, who you’re biologically programmed to protect.”
My glare darkened. “I could understand if he’d kept it from me to protect me, but he said all this bullshit aboutknowing what I needand it not being him and—why are you smirking?”
“I love it when you swear.”
I rolled my eyes and crunched sweet popcorn. At least I could taste food again; for a whole week, everything had tasted like ash. At least being so angry at Devil kept me distracted from thoughts of that basement.
“And look, I know Devil,” Lynn sighed. “He’s a good guy, but he’s a fucking idiot. He probably believed what he said. He thinks you didn’t need him, so he kept his distance. Makes sense after—that fucking pub, but before that? He’s a grade A dumbfuck.”
I blinked. “Shouldn’t you be defending him, as his friend?”
“Rude of you to presume I wouldn’t call him a dumbfuck to his face.” She stole more popcorn and contemplated me as she ate it. “The way I see it, you have two options. You decide lying and keeping secrets is too big a thing to forgive, and it’s over for you two. Or you forgive him for being a moron—after you make him grovel, obviously—and see if there’s something between you worth exploring.”
I chewed the inside of my lip. “What would you do?”
“Punch him in the dick,” she replied instantly.
“What would you do if it was Cobra who’d kept secrets from you? Important, life changing, essential secrets.”
Lynn measured me, reading me too well, seeing how much this mattered to me. We’d had conversations about mates and bonds and fate before. She knew it was something I’d always dreamed of and never expected as a beta.
“I’d shout at him,” she answered after a moment. “Probably throw a few knives. Give him the silent treatment while I sorted my head out, and found the answer to what I just asked you—is forgiving him worth it? Is losing your future with him better than the risk of getting hurt again?”
I’d never heard her so quiet, so thoughtful. “What would you choose?”
“Him,” she said with a faint smile. “Always.”
I sighed, thinking of the way it felt to be around Devil—easy and safe and fun. One chance. I could give him one chance.
“But,” Lynn said, interrupting my thoughts. “Cobra’s not as big a fucking idiot as Devil, so maybe just punch him in the dick and walk away.”
I’d keep that as option B.
11
DEVIL
I’d never been especially religious, but I liked the quiet reflection of Sunday morning mass. I needed it more than normal the past few weeks, so I found a spot in the back of the chapel and listened to Priest tell stories from the bible, his voice filling the rafters with hope, damnation, and guidance I tried to pay attention to. It was the hushed, reverent feeling that brought me back, more than any chapter or verse. It settled in my chest, lighter than the heaviness I’d been carrying around.
Priest made a beeline for me when the service ended and people filtered out, but I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about what a fucked up mess I’d made of my one chance with Jessia. I didn’t want to talk about my own noble stupidity losing me my mate.
I thought I’d done the right thing by keeping the bond to myself, thought I was sparing her another complication when her life was already fraught enough. I thought I was protectingthe comfort she found in the arms of others. But according to Lynn, I’d just been a classic dictating dick—her words. All my ideas of protecting Jessia, and I hadn’t stopped to think what keeping the bond from her would make her feel.
You decided she needed shielding from you without a single suggestion of it from Jessia,Lynn had sighed a few days ago, shaking her head at me.You didn’t trust her to know what’s best for her. She’s a grown woman, Devil. Get your head out of your ass.
Then she gave me a pep talk when I fell into hopelessness, told me to trim my hair, shower, and wear something decent instead of the same checked shirt I wore over and over.
Earn her back, Lynn told me, as if the one thing Jessia asked for hadn’t been for me to leave her alone. I couldn’t earn her back without ignoring her wishes, and I’d done enough damage already.
