She paused to sigh, taking another step closer to me. “I can’t protect you unless the agency sees value in doing so. Otherwise, you’ll just be another person we arrest when this all goes down.”
The silence stretched between us, my internal war loud enough in my own head. My brother wasmurderedfor something he didn’t even do. Adrian threw away Javier’s life, his future, because Lonnie’s life was more valuable than anyone else’s. God, I had been so fucking stupid!
I’d let my body be defiled by so many men. I’d murdered someone. I was about to marry an older man. And for what?
What the fuck am I doing?
Javier told me to fight, and I feel like all I’ve been is a fucking coward.
This is my opportunity to avenge my own shriveled dignity. Maybe it will be enough to wipe away some of the guilt on my conscience. If I can’t get Adrian behind bars for his part in my brother’s death, at least I might be able to get Carlos and Vargas.
But I’m so fucking tired of treading water.
I took several deep breaths, trying to control my erratic heart and racing thoughts. I could be strong. I could be strong for just a little bit longer.
Maybe I was naive. Desperate. Childish. For clinging to the hope she was dangling in front of me. Clinging to the idea that one day my future could look like Enoch’s. Happy. Peaceful.
“I’m not even going to be with Los Siete for the foreseeable future. They’re sending me to marry a stranger.”
“Yes,” she nodded. “Theodore Walsh. We know. We’ve been made aware of the situation. And we want you to be there. This is good for us, Shiloh. You’ll be able to help us pin Carlos for campaign fraud, corruption, extortion and bribery of a public official.”
I growled with frustration. “So, I’m going to have to stay married to this fucker foryears. The election isn’t for three years, Clarissa!”
She nodded and released a sigh. “Yes, I know. But these types of operations take time. We can’t go in guns blazing until we are certain that they will not be able to walk away freely. And it’s only another year until the campaign. By then, we might have all the information that we need.”
“You’ve been saying that for years, according to Adrian. How do I know you’re actually going to follow through? That you’ll get me out?”
“Because you are valuable, Shiloh. Uniquely valuable because you will be protected. You’ll be living in a heavily secured and isolated property far away from Carlos’s influence. Yes, he might have you report back or snoop, but this means you won’t have to worry about things going south or him finding out that you’ve made a deal. This marriage is going to be a breeze compared to what Carlos could have made you do for him. As far as we know, this religious community is completely benign, albeit a little misogynistic.”
I released a shaky sigh, pressing my hands into my eyelids.
“And Adrian? He fucking murdered my brother! And he threatened to kill my friends too if I didn’t help him. How can I trust that you’re not the one pulling his strings?”
Clarissa shook her head with pursed lips. “I understand that you’re angry. I am truly sorry about your brother, Shiloh. I am,”she said with a sincere gaze. “I knew that Adrian was desperate, but I didn’t realize the lengths at which he was willing to go. I will personally make sure that Adrian doesn’t jeopardize the safety of your friends so long as you agree to be a confidential informant.”
I scoffed. “Right. Because you won’t protect anyone that you don’t deem ‘useful’ to your job.”
I shook my head, fingernails digging into my palms as I tried to process everything that was at stake.
“Fuck,” I swore, my heart pounding. “Three years?”
“Most likely sooner than that if things go to plan. The campaigning will begin in one year, which means Carlos will start acting on his plan to buy Kit Walsh around then.”
A couple of years and then she would get me out. I could be free, I could walk away and start fresh. What’s a couple of years compared to the level of freedom she was offering me? And the justice. Fuck, the thought of getting revenge on all of these people was making my blood hum with sick excitement.
I just needed to be patient. I could do this for a little while longer and then I would be free.
“If I end up pregnant, if I end up having a child with Theo, you’ll put us all in Witness Protection, right?”
I could see the flicker of triumph in her eyes. “Yes. We would protect you and any of your children. Though I can’t say the same for Theo. He might be complicit in any illegal activities his father does.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to find a reason to say no.
“Just so you know, I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this to keep my friends safe. To atone for everything I’ve done, and everything I’m going to have to do.”
Clarissa didn’t bother to hide the broad smile as she took a seat at the table, motioning for me to join her.
“You’re making the right choice, Shiloh. I’ll make sure you don’t regret it.”
