Thirty-Eight
November 29, Monday
Enoch
Irolled over, stretching my arms above my head as I yawned. I blinked several times into the brightness of my room and realized I definitely slept later than I intended.
“Where is she?”
I sat up, startled and confused, blinking at Jae in my doorway.Why is his shirt on inside out?
“What? Who?” I asked, trying to figure out why the hell he was looking so freaked out.
“Shiloh! Where the fuck is she? Is she here?”
“Woah,” I stood from the bed, pulling on a pair of pajama pants from the floor. “What’s going on? She’s probably at home.”
“Fuck!” He ran his hand through his hair, pacing in front of me. “She’s hurt. Or something. I don’t know. Fuck! Listen.”
His hands were shaking as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it.
“What happened? Did she call you?”
“Shut up and listen!”
I snapped my mouth shut and he turned the volume all the way up on his phone. My heart raced, making me lightheaded.
“Hi Jae. It’s Shiloh. Um, fuck. Duh. You already know that. Stupid caller ID and all that.” She laughed self-deprecatingly, and I eyed Jae, trying to figure out why the hell this warranted him freaking the fuck out. “I, um…I wanted to say that you were right. Youarean amazing friend. And I hope you know that you’re actually funny. Enoch and I just pretend you’re not to fuck with you. We laugh at your jokes when you’re not around. But yeah…And I love you too. I probably should have told you that sooner. But I was a pussy and, honestly, a little bit freaked out that you used the word so easily after only knowing me a month.”
She sighed and my stomach dropped. I could feel in my gut that something bad was happening. My palms began to sweat.
“I want you to promise me that you’re going to stop Enoch from doing anything stupid.”Fuck. No, no, no.“You gotta make sure he graduates and goes off to travel the world in the Air Force. Tell him to see Jason at the peer center if he’s struggling with algebra again. Don’t tell him I said this, but he’s not bad at math, just has a shitty algebra teacher. Maybe he can switch to Mrs. Granger next semester…”
She trailed off and sighed again. I could hear shuffling on the other end of the line.No, Shiloh. Please.This isn’t what I think it is. It can’t be.
“Most importantly, make sure that he doesn’t blame himself for what happens. I don’t care what you have to do, he’s got a thick skull…just make sure he doesn’t blame himself. You guys were the greatest friends I could have ever asked for.So...thanks. And don’t cry. I’m not worth shedding any tears over, fucktrumpet. Bye.”
My heart was racing as I snagged my phone from the charger.One new voicemail.My chest hurt. I couldn’t breathe. This was some sick joke. Another nightmare.I looked up to find Jae had tears streaking his face.
“This was 3:17. When did she leave yours?”
I gulped, unlocking my phone. “3:32.”
My hands were shaking as I clicked her voicemail. Jae left, running down the hall. I could hear him pounding on my parents’ door. I held my breath and turned the volume all the way up. The microphone crackled and her voice filled the room.
“Hey, shitbird,” my lips twitched at the endearment. “I guess you’re sleeping.”Fuck, why did I sleep through her call?“I’m glad you didn’t answer actually.” Dread filled my stomach. “It’s better this way. I’ll get to savor the fact that the last time I’ll have heard your voice it was happy.”
No. Fuck. Shiloh.No, no, no. Don’t do this. Please.
“I just want you to know how fucking sorry I am. I’m sorry for leaving like this. I’m sorry for letting things go so far when I knew we weren’t going to be able to finish what we started.”
My eyes burned with tears as I quickly swiped away from the voicemail and clicked on her name in my contacts. My leg bounced uncontrollably.Answer Shiloh. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.Sweat prickled the back of my neck.
The ringing stopped abruptly and went to voicemail. I called again. Straight to voicemail. I tried once more, my chest so tight I could hardly get a breath in.Fuck, Shy. Don’t do this to me.
My dad was suddenly in the doorway, his phone in his hand with a stricken expression. “I’m on hold with dispatch.”
Jae pushed into my room, grabbing my hand as he stood beside me. He was crying and I wanted to scream at him for overreacting.Shiloh’s fine. She’s fine.
