She stood from the table slowly, hands raised in a placating manner as she eyed me.
“Shiloh, it wasn’t the FBI. It wasn’t me. I swear. We would never have told him to murder anyone. That’s against the law.”
“Fuck the law,” I spat.
I took a shuddered breath and ground my teeth together.
“Shiloh, I don’t know what Adrian told you, but if you keep obeying Los Siete, you know there is no reality where you come out of this situation on top. You will be exploited by Carlos Solis until there is nothing left for him to take.”
I continued to stare at the tile floor. “How many years do you really think you can do this for, Shiloh? How many more crimes can you commit before it catches up to you, whether that be a needle in the arm or a bullet in the skull?”
God I can’t do this shit. The seconds are ticking by, and I want to be with Enoch one last night. I don’t have time for this bullshit. I need to go say goodbye.
“How far are you willing to go for Los Siete, for Carlos? Because you’ve already killed for him once, Shiloh. What more are you willing to do?”
Her voice rang loudly in my ears.
“Shut up,” I ground out. “Shut the fuck up! You don’t know anything.” I seethed, taking a step closer to her. “You don’t know what I’m capable of. You don’t know what I want. You don’t know how fucked-up my brain is, or if I’m just as sick as my psychopath brother—the murderer and torturer. How do you know I don’t crave it too? You want to find out? You want to find out what exactly I’m capable of, Clarissa?”
I was panting with rage, mere inches from her still frame that continued to stare at me without an inch of emotion on it.
“Let me help you.”
I scoffed at her gall.
“Help?!” I screamed. “Help? You think you’re helping me by forcing me to make a deal with you? And to what? Share secrets that I’m not even privy to?”
I laughed. I laughed so hard that my throat burned and my stomach cramped from the effort of it.
“Where the fuck was your help when Adrian was framing my brother for murder? Where the fuck was your help when I was being raped by seven men? One of which wasyourrat. Where the fuck was your help when they drugged me and I murdered someone? Where the fuck was your help when Adrian threatened to kill my friends and force someone else I love to take my place as his fellow rat in the gang?”
“Shiloh,” she sighed, a look of sympathy in her eyes.
“No,” I took several steps back from her. “No. You are just as bad as them. You knew what they were doing, youknewandyou didn’t intervene. And Adrian has immunity for all of it! My brother’s murderandmy rape. So thanks very much for your goddamnhelp.”
Clarissa shook her head.
“This is bigger than you, Shiloh. Much bigger. We are going to take down this whole organization. All of them. And I’m sorry to say, but your sob story doesn’t hold a candle to the number of sickening things these people do daily. You think Carlos is bad with his drugs and his sex clubs. You have no clue what else Los Siete is doing. Alex Cruz, the jefe in Arizona is selling children across the country.Children. I’m talking three, four-year-old children being sold to grown men for sex.”
My stomach swirled with nausea. I thought those polaroids of the teenage girls were bad, but toddlers? Fuck.
“Don’t you want to stop them? Don’t you want justice for everything they’ve done to you and your family, everything they’re doing to innocent children?”
“How does justice feel, Shiloh?”
I pulled the hair at my scalp. “So, you won’t help me? You won’t get me out of Los Siete?”
“I want to help. I do. But, Shiloh, I can’t give you immunity from your involvement with Los Siete and everything that you’ve done, unless you agree to become a CI. I know that we’re asking you to continue to stay in the gang, but it’s not for much longer. We are so close, Shiloh. Between you and the other informants—”
“Informants? There’s more than just Adrian?”
She continued with a narrowed gaze. “We are so close to obtaining enough information to take them down through the courts. Enough to get these men behind bars for the rest of their lives.”
My eyes stung and I cursed my mother.What more could she possibly need from me?
“Haven’t I given enough?”
“You have,” she nodded, stepping closer, reaching out to me but I curled my arms around myself. “You have. And I’m sorry that we’re asking this from you. But if you want to be admitted into the Witness Protection Program you will need to testify against these men, after they’ve been arrested. You’reseventeen, Shiloh. I’m giving you a chance at life. Areallife, Shiloh.”
