I need to get it off.
My body was suddenly trapped, my arms pinned to my sides, and I tried to force my way free. I was breathing through a fucking straw and someone was on top of me.
FUCK! Not again! Not again! Not again!
“Let me go! Let me go! LET. ME. FUCKING. GO!”
I couldn’t see. I couldn’t hear anything except a high pitch ringing in my ears.
Make…it…stop…
Twenty-Eight
November 11, Thursday
Enoch
Istared numbly at Shiloh’s limp body and jumped when my dad touched my shoulder.
“She’s okay, bud. Just hyperventilated. Let’s roll her into a recovery position. Jae, hand me that pillow and blanket.”
My hands were shaking as I removed myself from straddling Shiloh and helped my dad to position her onto her side.
I watched her chest rise and fall, her cheeks slowly gaining color back as her eyes began to swell.
“How long until she wakes up?” I asked, keeping my eyes fixed on her.
Dad joined Jae and I on the floor, his legs crossed. “A few minutes maybe.”
“Jesus. That was scary as hell,” I muttered, leaning my body weight against my dad’s side. My heart was still pounding with adrenaline, and I wanted to cry.Fuck, I hope I didn’t hurt her while I was holding her arms down.
Dad’s arm wrapped around my shoulders, and he kissed the top of my head. I felt his hand reach over to pat Jae on the shoulder. My mom was hugging Esther in the hallway looking on. Shiloh’s screaming had sent them both running downstairs to see what was going on.
“Do you know what triggered her panic attack? Were you guys watching a scary movie or something?”
“No. I think it might have been my fault.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I confronted her about…something. And I think it might have freaked her out a little.”
My dad pulled me away from him so he could look into my eyes.
“What happened?”
“Well,” I paused, looking over my shoulder at Jae. “She was acting strange, and we had some reasons to believe that she might have been doing drugs.”
I looked back at my dad to find his brow raised, asking for more details.
“I asked her about it. She told me what I had seen her take was a Xanax for anxiety and she admitted that she uses weed sometimes. But I believed her when she said she doesn’t use any other drugs.”
“Hm.” My dad nodded, looking back at Shiloh.
“Do you think she was lying then? Why would she…I don’t know, have a panic attack if she was telling the truth?” Jae’s question hung in the air as I studied Shiloh’s sleeping face. Her eyes were puffy and red from her tears, and I quickly stood.
“Gonna get her some ice for her eyes when she wakes up.”
My mom squeezed my arm as I passed her, and she told me she’d give us some space and head back upstairs. I stepped into the kitchen, the ice cream melting on the counter, and leaned over the island, my head in my hands.
