I yelped, ripping my eyes open and shoving the cold and wet bag of something frozen from my chest.
“Leave these on your chest. Focus on the feeling.”
“No, I can’t. I can’t breathe!”
I clawed at the sleeves of my sweatshirt yanking it over my head and off me. It was fucking strangling me. I needed to fucking breathe!
I pushed away from Enoch and Jae, their stares on me felt like knives. I spun towards the doorway, tripping over my feet, Enoch’s arm around my waist keeping me from face planting.
Fuck, his dad is here too. He’s going to know.
Fuck I’m such a fucking waste of space.
Why the fuck am I here? I need to leave.
Why is he blocking the doorway?
Oh, fuck. He knows. He knows what I’ve done. He’s going to tell Carlos.
“Cuatro”
FUCK! I need to leave. I need to leave. I need to leave. I need to leave.
Little black dots were floating in my vision, and I pushed Enoch’s arm away from my body.
PAIN. A scalpel pressed to a stranger’s scalp. Javier’s hand digging the blade into the man and peeling back his entire hairline. The screams of agony.
“Tres”
I squeezed my eyes shut, my hands pulling at my hair, the tiny stings of pain letting me know I was ripping out strands of my hair.
Fuck.
Yes.
Pain.
I dug my nails into my forearms, scraping with as much force as I could muster. The dam finally broke and tears were leaking. I choked on sobs, the room an unrecognizable blur as my vision faded.
If I just hurt enough it’ll stop. I just need it to stop.
I continued violently digging my way out of my own skin.
The pain barely registered.
Bitter powder in my nose. My tongue on his dick. The room is spinning. I’m moaning and I let them use me. I beg for more.
No, no, no. Jesus, fuck.
I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.
“Cierra tus ojos, güerita.”
“Dos.”
“Te quie-”
Blood. My hands.
