Henry gave a visible swallow and rocked back on his heels. A nervous habit of his. “I’m sorry. I seem to be the bearer of bad news today. We must leave now, or you might miss the train.”
“You are doing what I employ you to do.” I was torn between my wife and my duty to the estate’s deficient coffers. Her parting words still echoed inside my head. It was selfish to dismiss herwishes out of hand to placate my own guilt. But it was hard to simply leave things like they were. I had no other choice. The potential deal would boost the estate and help hundreds of people. I couldn’t let them down.
I just prayed Lillian could forgive me.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Lady Lillian, Duchess of Alton
Lady Helen quickened her strides to match mine. “You are upset.”
“Yes.” The sun had broken through the clouds, yet nothing could shine a light in the darkness of my soul. I clutched the still-wrapped copy of the book in my hand, my heart breaking. Kendrick had been kissing Gavin. Gavin, of all people! He had told me when he proposed that he would take more lovers. I just hadn’t expected it this quickly. Bile churned my stomach, and I willed myself to calm down.
“I can assume with my son,” she asked, her voice a bit winded from our brisk pace. She stared at me with expectation but said nothing further.
“Yes.” My first inclination was to move faster, but I slowed down. I inhaled a shaky breath and tried to gather my wits. If I hadn’t walked in on them, his mother surely would have. Either scenario was shocking to the senses. I couldn’t tell her the truth because of the scandal it would bring, but I could skirt the truth enough to gain her insight into his character.
“Kendrick is an honorable man. He is kind and generous, but ...” I trailed off, unsure what I wanted to say. Now more than ever, I missed Colt. He understood Kendrick in a way I was afraid I never would.
“But he holds his emotions close to his chest.” Lady Helen nodded, her hand finding mine. The dower duchess looped my arm through hers and offered me a reassuring squeeze. She lifted her chin, presenting her profile to me. Kendrick’s resemblance to his mother rested in the cast of her chin and the shape of her eyes.
“Many people claim it’s a very desirable trait in a man. I find it frustrating.” It was hypocritical of me to accuse Kendrick of a flaw I was guilty of. Since our return, there was a light missing from his eyes. My husband was jovial and said the right things. He was also morose and introspective. Like me, he missed Colt. But he couldn’t replace Colt with Gavin. The thought soured my stomach, and I pressed the book against it.
“He takes after his father in that regard. My husband was a horrible man. There is no way of stating it other than the blatant truth.” She patted my hand, for her comfort or my own was up for debate. Since my marriage, I had spent long days with her learning the intricate rules of household management, and we had developed a friendship. I genuinely liked her and considered her not only my mother-in-law but my friend.
“Kendrick has inferred as much. He thinks he is like his father. Is he?” I wanted to learn everything I could about him. Colt had helped me piece together some clues. Even he’d been leery of sharing too much.
“In some ways, yes. In the most important, no. My husband was ...” her voice cracked, and she cleared her throat. A sigh, followed by a low hiss of breath, issued from her clenched jaw. She stared up at the branch of an oak tree.
Children’s laughter sounded in the distance as nursemaids took their charges outside for a rare sunny day. Nature had put on a display of beauty, yet I wallowed in my misery. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“I want to tell you. Lowe said, well, he said I shouldn’t be ashamed.” She pressed her lips together and exhaled. “My husband was an abusive man who acted out on whomever he happened upon. Kendrick was often his intended target. I made sure he got no farther than me.”
My heart skipped a beat, and I stared at her, horrified by the implications. “Oh, dear.”
“He thought he could whip the artist out of Kendrick and mold him into his own image.” She didn’t bother to hide the tears that streamed down her cheeks. I brought her closer to my side and tried to give her what comfort I could. I had lived in a home full of warmth and love. Even after my father found my brother with rouged lips, he hadn’t yelled or punished him. He simply told him never to do it again and scolded my sister.
“It didn’t work.” Kendrick, without his art, would be an empty shell of a man.
“No, it didn’t, nor would it have. For as stubborn as Alton was, Kendrick was equally as stalwart. He learned to avoid his father while in one of his moods and even excelled at rowing and crossbow.”
“He rowed every morning while we were in Scotland.” I had watched from the shore as he and Colt took to the lake. It was a scene I planned on using for my new book. I gripped the one in my hand. My first book, which I had been excited to share with him.
“My husband was a wastrel. He depleted the estates and used the funds on games of chance. By the time of his death, we were headed to the poor house.”
