I missed Colt so much it hurt. Could I be in love with him as well? The revelation hit me like a bolt of lightning. The times when I, Lillian, and Colt were together made me feel whole as if I’d pieced together some broken pottery. There were cracks and holes that could never be filled, but they fit together.
“I’m sorry to cut this short, but my time is limited, Gavin.” I threw a cloth over the sculpture to block it from further criticism. Duty called, and I needed to get this interview behind me. The men I was traveling with would be bankrolling this endeavor. To be late might jeopardize the entire affair.
“I missed you, Kendrick.” He moved to my side and cocked his hip. With a crooked smile that used to drive me wild, he leaned in close. “You promised to sculpt me and offered to pay for my modeling. You have yet to do either.”
“I found another model after you cut me off.” I crossed my arms, my annoyance with Gavin growing. This was a rehash of our last meeting, which had ended in me giving him money. His initial rejection of me had been a gift in disguise. If not for his temper tantrum, I wouldn’t have known about Colt’s feelings for me. “Need you forget, I gave you a parting gift that more than covered the commission you would have gained.”
“There are things more satisfying than money.” Gavin licked his lips as lust flamed in his eyes. “I believe I owe you a cock-sucking.”
Two months prior, I would have jumped at the chance for one last encounter. To do so would be a betrayal to Lillian. She made me wish to be a better man. “You owe me nothing, Gavin. We had a pleasant association, but it’s over.”
“Come now, Kendrick. You know you want me.” He leaned in and captured my mouth before I could rebuff him. With one hand, he held me by the nape of the neck, his lips moving over mine. His kiss used to spark an intense need, but I felt nothing except growing irritation. I had told him, no, yet he hadn’t listened to anything I said. With the palm of my hand, I pushed at his chest.
The sound of the door opening, followed by a rush of air, startled me. I tore my mouth from his.
“I’m glad I caught you before you left,” Lillian said, her heels clicking on the floor. “Moran sent me the first copy. My book is pub—oh, dear, oh dear, sorry.”
I glanced up to see her flushed face, mouth slack with shock. Guilt settled like a weight in my stomach. “Lillian, this isn’t what you think.”
“It is none of my business. You, um, we made no promises for fidelity.” She clutched the book to her chest and offered a wavering smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. “So, sorry to interrupt. I, I will leave you now. I have to meet my mother. Yes, I do.”
The fact she was rambling was not unusual. However, the implications of her words stung. She had given me permission to seek out another lover when I wished to stay faithful to her and Colt. “Lillian, we need to talk about this. I—”
“I can’t. Not right now. Maybe when you return, but not now. Not now.” Fury mixed with hurt shone in her eyes before she turned on her heels and stormed out of the room.
I tried to sidestep Gavin and go after her, but he blocked me from escaping, his face pale.
“Your wife just caught us kissing. Is she going to tell anyone?” he asked.
Most queer men lived in a shadowy world where a single misstep could expose them. His genuine fear softened my anger toward him. “There are no secrets between us, and no, she won’t tell a soul, so you can stop worrying on that account.”
While I had no doubt about her silence, there was no denying she was hurt by what she saw. I wanted to run after her, but I also had to respect her wishes. She was angry, and she had every right to be. I had hurt her, the one thing I never wanted to do.
He scratched at the underside of his chin, and his expression turned calculating. “I have other things that worry me more, like losing you. I’m sorry, Kendrick, for being a fool. Truly I am. Do you remember what you asked me in Paris?”
The trip had been a lark, and I had been deeply enamored of him. He had been blatant about his desires, and the fact that he had multiple lovers had rankled. He was the closest I had come to loving someone. I’d even offered to put him up in a house and give him an allowance if he stayed faithful to me. He had turned down the offer, which in hindsight, was a blessing. He was the last man I should fall in love with. “I do. I also recall your response.”
He tried to touch me again, but I backed up, ready for the audience to be at an end.
“I was a fool to turn you down. I’m no longer a fool,” he said.
Neither was I. “While I am flattered, the offer is no longer on the table. I’m married to Lillian, and I plan on staying faithful to her.”
“She’s a woman. She can’t give you what I can.” He lifted a belligerent chin, desperation in every nuance of his face. “Men like us can’t do without cock for very long. It is in our blood. The duchess gave her blessing. I’m not asking for much. Just ahouse and a small allowance. A man like you is expected to keep a paramour. I’m the man for you.”
Except there was only one man for me. Colt. “I’m flattered by your offer, but my answer is no.”
“You’ll regret this, Kendrick.” All artifice left his face, and hardness replaced it. Rage flared in his eyes, and he stormed from the room, knocking into Henry, who stood in the doorway.
“Have you seen Lady Lillian?” I asked him, shoving a hand through my hair and palming the back of my neck. Perhaps if I explained, it would lessen her anguish. I wanted to find her before she thought the worst of me. Except it was too late. She already did.
“She left with Lady Helen.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “My mother was here?” Bloody hell. Had my mother walked in and not Lillian, the hounds of hell would have been released. Thanks to my wife, that crisis had been averted. I clenched and unclenched my fist, frustrated beyond measure. This entire situation had gotten out of hand.
“She came to call, but Lady Lillian insisted the dower duchess take a walk with her in the park. Your mother agreed, and the two ladies left.”
My guilt intensified. Lillian was upset about seeing me with my old lover. My male lover. Yet she had the forethought to get my mother out of the house before she could see Gavin. Given his loss of temper, he might have done something foolish, like say something to my mother.
