At least, not tonight.
I slide down the wall until I’m sitting on the cold ground. A sob rises from deep within my chest and I cover my face with my hands.
I fucked up. I fucked everything up.
There is nobody else to blame but myself. And all I wanted, all I ever wanted for the last three years, was to avenge my family, to punish the man responsible for betraying them and having them killed.
But maybe the king of Wetra isn’t the one to blame.
It’s my fault, after all.
If I hadn’t started an argument that night, and hadn’t run off into the forest to hide, my parents would have noticed the fire sooner. My parents would have noticed the assassins hiding in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to strike. My sisters…they would have been able to escape, because they wouldn’t be looking for me in our hiding spot in the basement.
We would have made it out alive together.
Or at least, we would have died together.
I wouldn’t have to navigate this on my own. Completely alone.
Maybe all this time I have been focused on vengeance so that I wouldn’t have to face the truth. And the truth is, I’m the reason my family is dead.You’re my warrior.Dad’s voice rings in my mind.
It only makes me cry harder.
Would he be proud of who I am today? I don’t think so.
I doubt your father would have wanted this path for you.General Kitajo’s voice now echoes in my mind.
Mom, Dad…my sisters. They would not recognize me.
Deep down I know my parents wouldn’t want me to seek revenge for their lives at any cost. They would want me to follow my heart. That’s how they raised me.
But what does that even mean? All these years I thought that’s exactly what I was doing. Following my heart, its only desire revenge.
But have I really?
Vera is the one who truly follows her heart. She knows who she is, and what her purpose is. She showed me that there is so much to fight for. She reminded me how important family truly is. Somehow, I have forgotten it.
Maybe instead of seeking to avenge their deaths, I should focus on making my family proud. That way, I can honor them in death. I know exactly how I can do that. I’ll make them proud by doing the right thing, by having a purpose higher than me. By using my gifts as a Decarios to protect those who can’t protect themselves.
A flicker stirs inside me. Warmth, laughter, the echo of home.
Belonging.
A place I once had, and could have again.
The truth hits me so hard it steals the breath from my lungs.
I want that.
I want a home again.
And then?—
Guilt slams through me like a blade.
No.
No, I don’t get to want that.
