I felt defeated when I hung up with my mother, reminding her that I was coming home that night. So I spent some time on my laptop, listening to music to distract myself.
I chewed my lower lip as I searched YouTube for “Fix You” by Coldplay, but before I could start the song, two raps on the door stopped me. I muttered, “Come in,” and immediately Anna appeared in her uniform, her blond hair pulled back into a bun.
“Miss Selene, your father wants to see you,” she told me, her hands folded in front of her. It seemed like she was worried about something, judging from the sad smile she gave me.
“It isn’t time for lunch,” I answered, shooting a glance at the clock. I didn’t know what could be so important that Matt needed to send Anna to fetch me.
“I’m afraid you need to join him in the living room right now. It is urgent.” She sighed, turning to leave without giving me a chance to argue. It seemed like it was an enormous effort for her to say those few words to me. I quickly got up and shut my laptop.
I left my room and took the stairs down into the living room. I was afraid Matt was going to suggest another beach weekend, and if he did, I was definitely going to decline. I had no desire to repeat that experience.
I got to the living room slightly out of breath but stopped in my tracks when I saw Matt standing with his arms crossed. Neil was leaning against the big glass doors, his hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans. His golden eyes were glassy and cold, however.
“Oh, there you are,” Matt said in an arch tone. He looked at me, his stare growing sharp, and I stiffened. I frowned, having no idea why he was being so weird, and shifted my gaze to Neil, who hadn’t stopped watching my father.
“What’s going on?” I managed to ask, though my voice came out smalland uncertain. My father stroked his beard with one hand and cocked an eyebrow, his thoughts unreadable.
“I’ve just asked Neil a simple question, but apparently he’s struggling to give me an answer,” he said scornfully, his manner stern. I glanced at Neil, but he just stood there, all arrogant bravado.
“I… I don’t understand,” I stammered. A strange discomfort tortured my stomach. My heart swung back and forth in my chest and my breathing sped up, an unbearable knot forming in my throat.
“I asked Neil to explain why you two spent the night together in the pool house. Doesn’t seem like such a difficult question to me. What do you think?” He cocked his head to one side, studying me. I swallowed automatically, feeling short of breath. I hoped this was all just a bad dream and looked around, trying to see if I was actually there in the living room of Matt Anderson’s house. Unfortunately, everything looked to be absolutely real.
Did my father know everything or did he just suspect?
I shuddered at the thought of him watching us through the glass kitchen doors.
“Listen… I…” I said, barely a whisper. My voice was fluctuating, and my hands were shaking, but I was still trying to maintain some control. I hadn’t been prepared to face Matt with this, but I had known it was going to happen sooner or later. I glanced to Neil again, maybe searching for support, but he remained still and silent, locked in his own misery.
“Well?” my father prompted, alternating his gaze between us. Then he shook his head and rubbed his face. His whole body was tense, and his eyes were clouded with a frightening anger. Frightening because while I had only seen my father get angry a few times, I remembered every one of them. “I told you at the beach house to stay away from him!” he shouted suddenly, and I flinched. He stabbed a finger at Neil, but his threatening gaze remained fixed on me. His eyes were like the barrel of shotgun, ready to fire. “I told you not to cross the line with him!”
“And what did you do? You ignored me. You did what you wanted. Do you think I’m stupid?” He advanced on me, and I took a step back, bumping into Anna behind me. Matt looked furiously at her, and everyone could tell that he didn’t want any spectators at the moment. “Anna,go do your job. Now,” he ordered curtly, and the housekeeper nodded, scurrying away.
I swallowed hard. It felt like pins were stabbing me in the throat, the same ones I could feel in my chest. I tried to keep my eyes down—for the first time, I was afraid of my father.
“Goddammit! What’s actually going on between you? Is it a relationship? Are you together or what?” he asked anxiously. He cleared his throat, probably because of all the yelling. He ran his hands over his face again and began to pace. “Do you even know? Do you understand the gravity of what you’ve gotten yourself into?” He shook his head and began muttering broken sentences under his breath. He looked like he was losing his mind: All of his muscles were tense under his fitted suit ,and beads of sweat formed at his temples.
“How long has this absurd little affair been going on?” he asked, turning then to face Neil. “How long?” he shouted again, and I gasped. My heart sank; it felt like it wasn’t even beating. Neil, however, just stood motionless and looked back at Matt, entirely unintimidated.
“Since about a week after she got here. I was the one who came on to her; it was my fault. If you want to be pissed off, be pissed off at me, not her,” he answered. It was the first time he’d opened his mouth since I’d gotten there. His firm baritone betrayed no hint of insecurity.
I wished I had even a little of his indifference to stifle some of the anxiety that was making me feel faint. My father concentrated all his attention on Neil and walked slowly toward him, clearly struggling to believe what he was hearing. “Aweekafter she got here?” he echoed shakily. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, visibly angry and disappointed. “I put my trust in you. I thought that at least when it came to my daughter, you would be able to keep your damned urges at bay, but no. You were selfish, like always. You had no respect for me or your mother. And why, Neil? A whim? A desire? Just what the hell was going on in your head when you were trying to seduce my daughter, huh?” Matt was an inch from Neil’s face, ranting. Neil’s jaw was tight, his features drawn, but he didn’t react the way I had feared he might. No emotion showed in his eyes.
“How far did it go?” Matt asked, and I moved closer to him, trying to keepthe worst from happening. “How far did you go with her? Tell me!” Suddenly he grabbed Neil by the sweatshirt and yanked the boy into him. My father wasn’t as powerful as Neil, not as young or athletic, but he was fully capable of hurting Neil, especially when he was out of his head like that. I couldn’t just stand there, motionless and afraid to act, so I ran to Matt and grabbed his jacket.
“Matt, no!” I screamed, pulling him away from Neil. I was trembling like a leaf, and there were tears in my eyes.
“Tell me! Have the balls to tell me just like you had the balls to do it in the first place! You disgust me! Your mother should be ashamed of you!” Matt stabbed his finger at Neil again, looking at him with so much outrage. Every word, every insult was like a slice on my skin. It was as though Matt had a knife and was using it to carve wounds not just into Neil’s heart, but into mine as well.
“You’re right” was all Neil could say. He stared into Matt’s eyes, grim thoughts clouding his own until his pupils were almost imperceptible and the gold had been replaced with something much murkier.
“For four years, I have never meddled in your relationship with your mother or your sister or your brother. I haven’t said a word to you even when I watched all those girls going in and out of your room, despite the fact that this is also my house. And, believe me, I would have been well within my rights to complain,” my father continued, sounding increasingly crestfallen. “I never tried to replace your father. I knew from the beginning that it was hard for you to accept a relationship between your mother and me, so I tried my best to be a good partner to her and a positive presence for you and your siblings. I have always accepted the meltdowns, the constant disrespect, and the verbal abuse. I have tried to be understanding because I know your history and what you’ve been through. I have even tried to give your mother good counsel so your relationship could improve. I did everything I could to maintain the right balance in this family. So why would you do this to me?” Matt asked, on the verge of tears. I had never seen my father so devastated, and it was a heartbreaking sight.
“That wasn’t my intention,” Neil answered, his voice firm and his posture unyielding. I wondered how he could possibly look so apathetic at a time like this. “It all started as a game…” he continued. I watched his eyes. “Ilike to provoke, and I’ve always been attracted to the taboo, the forbidden, whatever’s just over the line I can’t cross. I realize that’s a bullshit justification, but I never wanted it to go this far. The situation got out of hand and…” He didn’t finish because Matt lifted a finger to silence him.
“The situation got out of hand?” he echoed with a bitter smile. “Was that how it happened with Scarlett and all the other ones, too?”
I put my hand over my mouth to suppress a sob, but Neil heard it, his gaze flicking to me. He stared at me with the kind of heat that I could actually feel on my skin. I felt like I could sense his sadness, and he was feeling my pain. We were connected without ever needing to speak.
