I checked my phone like it was my job. I checked it when I woke up and checked it before I went to sleep and even woke up in the middle of the night just to see if I missed somethin’, but there was nothin’. No missed calls. No texts. No “you good?” And the fucked up part was I knew where he was. Pluto had told me without me even askin’. She just slid it into conversationlike it was casual, and I hated how relieved and hurt that made me at the same damn time. Knowin’ he was layin’ his head at Pressure’s place made it feel real, like this separation wasn’t just some emotional moment that would pass by mornin’.
On the third day, Pluto met us for lunch, and it felt good to see her smile in person instead of just talkin’ on the phone. We sat outside under a shaded patio with a table full of food and mimosas already sweatin’ in tall glasses. We had shrimp and grits, crab cake eggs benedict, fresh fruit, and warm bread with butter that melted the second it touched it. Sha’Nelle and Pluto clicked almost immediately, laughin’ about random shit and talkin’ about fashion and cosmetics like they had known each other longer than a couple hours.
I watched them and felt full in a way I hadn’t felt in days. This was my world collidin’ in a way that felt right. My cousin from home and my sister who knew my life out here sittin’ at the same table with me like it was always meant to be this way. We laughed and talked about the three of us goin’ out together soon, about how Sha’Nelle needed a Trill-Land night done the right way, and for a moment I forgot how heavy my heart had been feelin’.
Then Pluto looked at me a lil’ too long. It was that knowin’ look she always had when she was about to say some shit that mattered.
“You know Zurie been asking about you,” she said casually, but her eyes stayed on mine. “And Prestyn and Kaylon miss they mama.”
That did somethin’ to me. I smiled without even thinkin’ about it and nodded. “I miss them too,” I said, and I meant that shit. Those kids had a way of makin’ everything feel lighter, like no matter how messy grown folks got, love was still simple to them.
Pluto laughed and took a sip of her drink. “You been a horrible mama these past few days,” she joked, and Sha’Nelle laughed with her.
“It ain’t even like that,” I said, shakin’ my head, but I couldn’t stop smilin’. “Life been lifin’.”
“Well,” Pluto said, pointin’ her glass at me, “you should come see them after this. Zurie gon’ be mad at me if you don’t come.”
My stomach dropped, even though I kept my face cool. I nodded anyway. “Yeah. We can stop by.”
Sha’Nelle looked at me sideways but ain’t say nothin’. Lunch wrapped up easy after that, with more jokes and clinkin’ glasses, and then we all hugged and went in different directions. The second I slid into the driver’s seat, the weight came right back.
The drive to Pluto and Pressure’s place felt longer than it should have, even though I had been there a thousand times. My hands stayed tight on the wheel and my chest felt like it was fillin’ up with somethin’ thick and uncomfortable. Sha’Nelle talked about how she couldn’t wait to see the house and the kids, but her voice started to fade in the background as my thoughts got louder.
I ain’t know if Kay’Lo was there at this very moment. Pluto hadn’t said that part out loud, and I ain’t ask ‘cause I ain’t want the answer to scare me out of doin’ what I already agreed to. Three days without seein’ my husband felt unnatural, like my body knew somethin’ was wrong before my mind could catch up. We had never gone this long without talkin’, not even in our worst moments, and the idea of seein’ him after all this silence had my stomach twistin’ up in knots.
When the gates came into view, my throat went dry. I slowed the car as the security recognized me and the gates started to open, and every inch forward felt heavy with anticipation. I swallowed hard and took a breath, remindin’ myself that I washere for the kids and not to start nothin’. Still, my heart was beatin fast enough that I could feel it in my ears.
I pulled inside and parked next to Pressure’s cars, my hands shakier than I wanted them to be, and before I even opened the door I had to pause and collect myself. I ain’t know what today was gon’ bring, but I knew one thing for sure.
Whatever happened next, it was about to change somethin’, ‘cause me and Kay’Lo had never stood on opposite sides like this before, and I could feel that tension sittin’ right beneath the surface, waitin’ on the moment we locked eyes again.
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
“Prestyn boy, yo’ lil’ ass ‘bout to drown,” I chuckled while tryna hold his head right, my hand firm on the back of his neck while he kicked his legs like he was fightin’ for his life instead of learnin’ how to swim.
The water was warm, the sun hittin’ just right, and Prestyn thought this whole shit was hilarious. He kept squealin’ and splashin’ water in my face, grippin’ my chain with his tiny hands, and every time I tried to show him how to dip his head under for half a second, he popped right back up with that wild ass grin.
“See, you good,” I told him, liftin’ him back up against my chest. “Ain’t nobody lettin’ you die today. You got too many people who’d lose they fuckin’ minds.”
I bounced him a lil’, lettin’ him feel the water move, lettin’ him feel safe, and even though I ain’t say it out loud, that shit hit me different. I been around violence my whole life. I done took lives. I done ordered shit that can’t be undone, but right here, holdin’ baby boy, teachin’ him somethin’ simple, somethin’ soft, it grounded me.
Kaylon was floatin’ nearby in one of them lil’ baby pool things, his chubby legs kickin’ slow and his eyes wide like he was takin’ in the whole world for the first time.
I reached over and tugged him closer with my foot, laughin’ when he squeaked and grabbed the side.
Pressure was on the grill, and when I say on the grill, I mean standin’ there with tongs in his hand like he was performin’ surgery, squintin’ at the food.
“I swear to God, if you burn them sausages, I’m orderin’ pizza, nigga,” I called out.
Pressure didn’t even look back. “Man shut the fuck up. This grill different.”
Renza was leaned back against the chair with a drink in his hand and shades on, already smilin’ like he was about to talk his shit.
“Nigga,” Renza said, slow and disrespectful, “just ‘cause you got on barbecue sandals don’t mean you can actually barbecue.”
Pressure snapped his head around. “What the fuck is barbecue sandals?”
Renza pointed at Pressure’s slides. “Them. That’s them exact shits. Every nigga who can’t cook swear these give him grill powers.”
