The phone stopped ringin’ and I exhaled, only for it to light back up again a few seconds later.
Then again…
I clenched my jaw and muttered under my breath, cussin’ as my chest tightened all over again. I knew him well enough to know he wasn’t gon’ stop callin’, and the truth was, part of me wanted to hear his voice even though I hated myself for that shit.
On the fourth call, I snatched the phone up and answered it without even checkin’ myself.
“What?” I snapped into the phone, my voice hoarse and shaky, my words sharp even though my heart was breakin’.
There was a pause on the other end, and for a split second I wondered if he was gon’ hang up, but then I heard him breathe.
“You drivin’?” He asked, calm as hell, like we ain’t just tore each other apart in the bedroom.
That calmness pissed me off more than if he would’ve yelled back.
“What the fuck you callin’ me for, Kay’Lo?” I shot back. “I told you I’m done talkin’.”
He went quiet again, and that silence stretched long enough for me to feel it. I could hear the road under my tires, my own sniffles, and my heart beatin’ too fast in my chest.
“I don’t want you on the road like this,” he finally said.
That was it…
There wasn’t no apology, no takin’ back what he said or no acknowledgin’ how deep he cut me.
It was just lowkey concern, wrapped up in pride.
“Stop callin’ me,” I said, my voice crackin’ even though I tried to keep it firm. “You don’t get to care now like you ain’t just said some fucked up shit to me.”
Another pause.
“I’m just sayin’…” he said low.
My grip on the wheel tightened and a sob slipped out before I could stop it. “Stop actin’ like you give a fuck. You already showed me how you really feel.”
He ain’t answer right away, and that silence spoke louder than any words he could’ve said. I could feel it through the phone, the weight of everything he wasn’t sayin’, and it made my heart ache in a way I couldn’t explain.
“Bab… Toni,” he corrected himself, and my heart twisted so hard I had to blink fast to keep the tears from spillin’ over again.
That slip told me everything he wasn’t man enough to say out loud.
That almost…
That almost baby…
“I can go get Sha’Nelle,” he said, his voice low and rough now. “You don’t need to be drivin’ like this.”
I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me the bitterness risin’ up in me.
“I don’t need you,” I snapped. “I been good without you before and I’ll be good again.”
The words tasted bitter comin’ out my mouth, but I said them anyway ‘cause I was hurt and I needed to hurt him back just a lil’.
He went quiet again, and this time it felt heavier.
“Just get there safe,” he said finally.
I ain’t respond. I ended the call and tossed my phone back on the seat, my hands shakin’ so bad I had to pull over for a second just to breathe.
