I take a deep breath and appreciate her words. The idea of also inheriting a family along with letting myself really fall for Gavin and Ben is an enticing thought.
I may ogle Gavin as he stands next to his brother, joking and laughing while discussing the best way to start a beach fire.
Jessa clears her throat. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s fine. Aiden told me you’ve been having problems with your ex and, well, I’ve been there if there’s someone you want to talk to, someone who can understand the betrayal.”
I blink and turn and look at her. It feels wrong to unload on a somewhat stranger. But when I’m around Jessa and Penny, I feel like I do around Savannah and Chelsea. It’s a sense of ease and trust. That I can be myself without judgment.
“How did you stop worrying about getting your heart broken again?” I ask, low enough that I know Gavin wouldn’t hear.
Jessa nods a few times, like she’s curating the perfect answer.
“It’s difficult giving yourself to someone when you’ve been hurt before. When I met Aiden, I had this crush and, of course, I was attracted to him. Then the more I got to know him, the more I realized how gentle and kind he was. I knew that even if I gave him my heart, even if we didn’t end up together forever, he would always treat me with kindness. But lucky for me it worked out and I never have to think about that again. Aiden is my person.”
“I thought Will was a good person. I’m still not sure how we wound up here. I’m afraid that if I let them in, the same will happen. That it will be good at first and then at some point, the same thing happens. We stop caring and fall into these routines we can’t get out of. That the person who was once my world becomes the person who hurts me the most,” I say, not knowing why I’m getting so deep with her, but I need someone to talk to or I’m going to lose my mind.
Jessa taps my hand. “Maybe it’s time to double your standards, literally.” She laughs. “Gavin and Ben aren’t Will. Do they do any of the things that your ex would do?”
“No,” I shake my head. “I couldn’t see them going and getting another woman pregnant or staying with me out of duty. I also definitely don’t see them harassing me over company shares, so there’s that.”
Jessa blinks at me. “Oh, Kate, we have way more in common than you can imagine.”
She tells me about her father, and how he was never in her life but gave her shares of his company when he passed. Her half-brother couldn’t stand it thinking the shares all belonged to him. The relationship between her half-brother got so bad that she sold her shares to Aiden, making him the biggest share owner and him taking over the business and buying her brother out completely. She doesn’t talk to her half-brother anymore, but it seems like he took that money and found something he enjoyed versus the obligation of continuing his father’s legacy. It’s wild seeing how different and similar we are.
We make sure to exchange phone numbers, and I do the same when Penny comes back to the beach holding a basket full of supplies to make s’mores, while Lincoln and Ben are carrying the cooler.
Ben brings me a seltzer of some sort and leans over the back of the chair, wrapping his arms around my collarbone.
“You doing okay?” he asks with a kiss to my cheek.
“Yeah, I think I’m going to be fine,” I say, and I actually mean it.
35
CONFESSIONS OF AN EMOTIONALLY STUNTED TWIN
I’m maybe stallingthe inevitable in talking through everything with Kate and Ben, but sue me.
It’s not like I’m scared to talk about my feelings, it’s just…well, yeah I’m fucking scared.
She’s still here, joking with my family, smiling and drinking a fruity canned drink. She didn’t run away. She could be back in Tampa by now, but she’s still here, and that’s all I need.
I think I’ve been hiding this sense of anxiety that fills me on a nearly daily basis. But when I’m with Kate, it quiets. I’m not sure how to tell her that without sounding insane. Or asking her to be with me and my brother—openly in front of the world. She’s been through so fucking much and I’m not sure if what I want to ask is even feasible.
She’s sitting across from me at the bonfire and she tilts her head, staring at me, before standing up and dusting off her legs.
“Gavin, can we take a walk?” she says.
“Ooo, someones in trouble,” Lincoln sing-songs and Ben smacks him in the chest.
She glances over at my brother, and even though I can’t see her face, I just know she’s reassuring him as she grabs my hand, interlacing our fingers and we begin walking down the shoreline. Warm gentle waves caress my feet as my toes dig into the sand with each step, and we don’t speak until the laughter of my family is far behind us.
“So,” she says.
“So.”
She squeezes my hand and turns to face me. The moonlight kisses her feminine features as she stares at me. Her thumb rubs over my knuckles.
“We’re not just friends?” she asks, a small smile appearing on her face.
