“No. We’re not just friends.”
“What does that make us then? What does this mean to you?”
I run my free hand through my hair and try to take a moment to collect my thoughts, unfortunately none of the eloquent words I want to say slip out of my mouth.
“It means I fucking love you, okay?”
She blinks at me a few times, shock taking over her features, before she tilts her head back up to look at me. Her eyes are crystalline as the Caribbean sea as she stares at me.
“You love me?”
“Yeah. I…God, I’ve never done this before, okay?”
She grabs my other forearm so that both of my hands are in hers and I can’t fidget.
“What does love mean to you?” she asks.
I wonder when she became a shrink, and I think about saying that, but that would be the part of me that self-sabotages things speaking.
“It means I hate when you’re not around. It means that when you're with me I feel calm. The only other person who ever makes me feel that way is Ben, but it’s different with you.I want to tell you my secrets, I want to share my day with you, and I want to learn more about art from you. You’re beautiful and smart, and fucking complicated, but I like that. I was happy being single, beyond content with it, but the thought of being single and not having you in my life makes me feel like shit. The idea of you just thinking you’re our friend, of just thinking of me as a friend makes me want to scream. You’re not my fucking friend, you’re so much more and I wanted to wait and make sure that it was something you wanted before I said anything. But I knew that if I came here without you the whole time, I would be wondering what you were doing back home and if you were missing me too.”
I take a deep breath, realizing I absolutely spilled my guts to her, and look down. A small tear falls down her cheek, and I use the back of my knuckles to wipe it away.
“I love you too and it also scares the shit out of me,” she says and it feels like I can exhale, like this fear I’ve been holding on to is washed away and I don’t have to worry anymore.
Instead, I grab both sides of Kate’s face and lean down so I can kiss her frantically.
She returns my kiss tenfold and I know without a doubt I’ve never felt a kiss like this. I didn’t know a kiss could feel like this, all the emotion of us spilling our feelings is wrapped up in this one press of our lips.
Her arms wrap around my neck and I slide mine down to her waist, lifting her off the ground and kissing her passionately.
We part from the kiss, our chests rising and falling as she hugs me and I hug her back.
“I’m scared that you two could break me worse than Will ever could. Please don’t break me, Gavin.”
“I won’t,” I tell her honestly.
Now that I have her in my arms, now that I know she feels the same, I’m never letting her go. Nothing will ever be this good, ever.
“I’m scared of what people will think.”
“My family will accept us. Your friends will. Fuck what anyone else thinks,” I say.
She nods against my neck. “I’ll try. For you and Ben, I’ll try.”
I place her down on the ground, leaning forward and kissing her again, before we part and stare at each other.
“What does this mean when we go back home?” she asks, biting her lip.
In the bedroom, I have no issue with taking control, setting the stage. Usually in life I don’t either, but navigating this relationship feels different.
“We make our own rules. We do what feels right. Our agreement was exclusive. Things stay that way. We take you on more dates for sure. We have more sleepovers, and no more of this ‘just friends'bullshit.”
She smiles, grabbing my hand and squeezing.
“I can do that. Yeah, I can definitely do that,” she says, her head leaning on my shoulder as the beacon of the fire leads us back to my brothers.
My chest feels lighter. This lie no longer looming over me as I wrap an arm around my girlfriend’s shoulder and we drink way too much and I can’t control the grin on my face as we stumble back to the house as the night comes to a close.
