“How?” I ask him, but he just continues to blink at me. He’s shaking like a leaf, and I huff out in frustration as I grab him by the elbow and portal us to my room. I feel a little nauseous from having him tag along, but push it aside, quickly focusing back on him.
He wraps his arms around himself as I bring him towards my bathroom to get cleaned up.
I don’t know how he’s here, I thought for sure he was gone. I coax him in the shower, but he doesn’t start to wash himself. So I step in, helping him get clean. He doesn’t speak, just watches me as I work to get him whole again.
“I thought you were gone,” I tell him, sniffling. It’s fucked up that this is the first time I get a full view of him naked. I try not to be gross about it, more mechanical while taking care of him.
He looks straight ahead as he speaks. “You felt like this for years?” he asks.
I swallow and nod. “Not having your own body will take a toll on you.”
When I stand, he finally moves, his hands cupping my face as his eyes water. “I’m so sorry,” he murmurs, and I shake my head.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I got you killed.”
He shakes his head but doesn’t speak as I finish cleaning him. Once he’s straight, I have him sit on the bench as I clean myself. The water sliding down the drain is red as I wash my hair and face. I have to scrub brutally against my forearms to get all the caked-on blood off.
When I look at Toth, he isn’t looking at me; he’s looking at his hands, his palms trembling as they face him. The panic and confusion is nearly leaking out of him.
I wonder if this body feels different.What if I fucked it up? What if he’s not fully corporeal?
The fear makes me wash quicker as I get dressed and grab a towel for Toth. I wrap it around his waist and take his hand, dragging him out of the bathroom, through my bedroom, and down the hall to bang on my father’s door. Toth resumes his silence but continues to let me touch him as my father opens the door.
Both he and Lilith are in a state of half-undress as they scan over us with shock.
“Did I bring him back, right? Is he okay?” I ask.
My father touches Toth’s face. He doesn’t flinch, but he looks at my father with sentiment.
“How?” my father asks.
“I remembered how you made me corporeal. I found his soul in the dark forest. I…I don’t know how he came back, how he’s alive. Those blades were meant to kill,” I ramble, feeling even more confused. I want to ask Toth what happened, how he came back to Hell, but I’m not even sure he knows.
“You did well,” he confirms, and Lilith squeezes my shoulder in solidarity.
“He’ll be okay,” she reassures me. No matter how much I like the blonde demon, it’s not her approval I was seeking.
“Lilith, can you let Elvor know what’s going on?” I ask her sheepishly, not wanting to break my promise to him and Judd. But Toth needs me right now.
“Of course I can,” she replies, and I exhale.
“You’re sure that he’ll be okay?” I ask my father, seeking his strength.
“It will take him time. Being a lone soul can have some negative effects on the mind,” my father informs me. I try to not let it feel like a dig, so I just nod my head and look over at Toth.
“What do I do?”
“You care for him?” my father questions, and I nod. “Then care for him,” he says, squeezing my chin and letting go.
“What if he doesn’t want me to?” I ask, feeling like I don’t deserve this second chance. But when I look at Toth, he’s staring down at me. Not with malice or frustration, but as if I’m his fucking lifeline. So I take it.
“Can you check on him in the morning?” I ask my father.
“Of course. You did well, Mara. I’m proud of you.”
I swallow and fuck. I feel like salty water is going to fall down my face again. Instead, I grab Toth’s wrist once more and lead him back to my room. I place him on the bed, making sure he’s comfortable.
“I’ve got to let Elvor and Judd know. I’ll be right back,” I tell him, pushing back his still-damp hair.
