“Don’t leave me,” he pleads, his eyes going wide. It breaks me, so I crawl into bed and, like I’ve wanted to since I got to Hell, I hold Toth. All while he tries to rebuild his mind, piece by piece.
I try not to hate myself with every noise that leaves him or every toss and turn he makes throughout the night. I don’t care what I have to do. I’m going to make things right with the demon who risked everything to be mine.
Chapter28
“You’re okay, I’ve got you,” the melodic voice whispers to me. This body feels different. Not in a good or a bad way, just not what I’m used to.
The skin stretches differently, and I’m missing some of my old scars.
I’ve never felt more afraid than when I sent myself back to Hell as a listless soul. Maybe actually dying would have been a better fate. It’s a fucked-up thought, but haven’t I lived long enough? Haven’t I suffered enough?
“Shh,” the soft voice soothes me. I can feel her soft hands in my hair, and I take back what I said about wanting to be dead.
I feel like I understand her in a way others wouldn’t be able to. While I might have only gotten a small taste of what she went through, I get it. The confusion, paranoia, and overall dissociation from reality. It’s hard to know who you are when you aren’t attached to a physical form. Besides the mind games, it’s physically painful. I kept searching for something to attach myself to, and I found nothing.
I’m not sure what drew me to the Black Lake, but I felt as though it might have been Mara’s cries that directed me where I needed to be. It was as if I already knew she would be able to save me, though she’s never made a demon corporeal before.
My stomach grumbles, but I ignore it and just lay here in the comfort she provides. As each second passes, I feel the pieces of my mental walls clicking back into place—praise Satan.
I thought for sure I wouldn’t get my facilities back and that I’d be an invalid, numb demon for the rest of my immortal existence. I probably would have offered my soul to be consumed by Lucifer.Can Mara render souls?
Her soft fingertips flatten out my furrowed brows, and I sigh at the feeling. She has some horrific-sounding show on in the background, but I just lie there as more and more of my memories, emotions, and thoughts come back to me.
It’s piece by piece, not all at once. I remember my human life, my introductory years to Hell, working my way up the ranks in the realm.
But then… then all I remember is her.
The push and pull, the roughness, and violence between us. But I also remember the few and in-between, softer moments. How pliant she was in my arms, covered in blood as I claimed her. How I spilled my fucking heart out to her, and she made me forget.
And then she made me remember at the worst fucking time. The kiss we shared on the battlefield sealed my fate. An immortal life was worth it with her by my side. So I did what I had to do to come back to her, even if I’m paying the price now.
I sit up abruptly and blink at her. Her eyes are a dark blue, and I can tell that she’s been crying.She shed tears for me?
“Toth?” she says my name softly, but it makes my head hurt anyway.
I rub my temples, and her hand strokes my forearm in a loving way. I groan and lie back down. Deep inside, I hate that she’s seeing this weakness in me, but I haven’t felt like this since I was human. It’s exhausting and terrible. I’d rather Elvor torture me in the pit than to ever be a mortal again.
“It’s okay, just rest. I’ve got you,” she reassures, playing with my hair. It’s the last thing I remember before falling into a dead sleep.
* * *
A cold wetness touches my face, making me jump up from my sleep, gripping at my hip and looking for my blade. I blink away some of my tiredness to find Mara sitting on the bed, still wearing her clothes from last night, with a washcloth in her hand.
“Toth?” she says, looking at me like I’m a wild animal about to attack.
I rub my temple. “How long was I out?”
“Two days,” she answers softly.
“Fuck,” I groan, stretching out my sore muscles from lying on the bed for so long. When I look at my forearms, I notice they are veinier than usual. I’m flexing my hand to watch the veins bulge while Mara just stares at me like I might have an absolute meltdown.
“Do you need anything?”
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly.
“How do you feel?”
“Like my head wants to explode. But I don’t feel as bad as I did… when you found me.”
