“Call me when you get home?”
“Of course. Call us if you’re not okay?” Anders says.So you mean start calling you right now, because I’m not okay.I nod my head, and he wraps his arms around me one more time before heading to the car. Eli does the same, kissing the top of my head and squeezing me tightly.
“Missing you already,” he says, and I push his chest, irritated that I’m still crying. He kisses my head one more time, and Mikael takes over and wraps his arms around me.
“You’re tough, Charlotte. Be my tough girl, alright?” I nod and sniff. Squeezing me tightly, he hands me my tote bag from earlier. He kisses my cold cheek and gets into the truck. They all wave before they drive off and I’m standing here in the cold snow by myself. I wipe my eyes in frustration and head into the house.
My mom is already there with outstretched arms, and I just collapse against her. Before I know it, we’re snuggling on the couch. She just pets my hair and lets me cry. She doesn’t give me words she can’t promise; she doesn’t tell me that it’s going to be okay; she doesn’t shush me. My mom just lets me get all this pent-up emotion out, and I’m thankful for it. Hank’s big head is on my lap, being the additional emotional support I need. It takes about a half hour before I finally calm down.
“Do you want to talk about it, honey?”
I shake my head. I feel raw, tired, and I just want to crawl into my bed and sleep.
“Okay, I’m here when you are.” I squeeze her tightly, grab the tote from the mudroom, and head to my bedroom. I put the tote on the chair and stare at it, wondering if I should open it now or later. I sigh and decide to open it now, my curiosity getting the best of me.
There’s a letter on top, but beneath that are three hoodies and a blanket we used from my heat. These thoughtful fuckers. I sniffle as I use my thumb to open the manila envelope.
Charlotte,
This situation is fucked. I honestly don’t have any other words to describe it. If you haven’t noticed, I’m not great with words. But I think letters may help. My address in Boston is below. I was hoping that we could write to each other. I know we have our phones, but I wanted something special with you.
I know this is going to be hard. Probably the hardest thing any of us has done in our lives. I wish I could tell you that I could give up hockey, that we all could. I would give up anything else, Charlotte, I promise you that. Please be patient with me.
I’ve put a hoodie from each of us in the bag as well as a blanket that smells like all of us during your heat. If you ever need our scents, make sure you tell me, and we will ship you something.
On a lighter note, did you know I’ve never broken a bone? Pretty crazy, huh? Lost some teeth though, hoping I don’t lose any more this season. I can’t afford to lose another front tooth if I’m going to continue to be your most attractive Alpha.
—Thinking of you, Mikael.
I laugh and cry at the last line. The way that he’s made light of the situation makes me feel more confident in what we had. I like his idea of letters; writing things can make it easier to express yourself sometimes. I grab the one red hoodie, knowing instantly that it’s Elis. I wrap his pine scent around me and seal the rest of the items up, hoping to preserve the scents for when I need them.
Hank hops on the bed, and I wrap my arms around him. “This definitely isn’t how I imagined winter break going,” I tell him. He breathes loudly, and I know he gets it. I don’t cry the rest of the night, and Hank doesn’t leave my side.
Chapter twenty-five
2 Months later
Thishasbeenthehardest two months of my life, but we’ve made it work. Their season ends in about a month anyway, so I’ll get a little more of their time… at least, I hope.
It’s been a ridiculous amount of texts, letters, obscene FaceTime calls, and lots of coordination. But this is the first time I’m going to get to see them since Christmas. I’m not a huge fan of driving, but the weather looks clear, and I just need to see them so badly.
They’ve all done such a good job of keeping in contact and letting me know how much they want this to work. I’ve honestly been most impressed with Mikael. I thought maybe he would send me one or two letters, and that would be it. But we exchange letters every week, even though we talk on the phone almost every day.
I’ve fallen even deeper these last few weeks, not being blinded by my lust for each of them. I’ve been able to genuinely get to know them, and I love what I see. Anders is just so kind, giving, and in touch with my needs. Eli is so funny and seems to need the most attention out of my Alphas, but I don’t mind giving that to him. Mikael is still the quietest. He really opens up in his letters the most, not when we’re all on the phone together.
I will say, one of the best things about this separation are the pictures they send me. My spank bank is stacked. They even help each other take photos sometimes. I have one of Mikael wiping his face with his jersey and showing his delicious abs. I may or may not have killed my vibrators batteries staring at that masterpiece.
We’ve made the best of it, but it’s been hard. Especially since I had to leave Mercy University. They told me that if I agreed to go on dates with a few alumni, they might be able to waive my online fees. They’re a bunch of classist fuckers. I’m glad that I didn’t go back, but it was too short notice to sign up online with another school. I’m thinking that maybe I can sign up next year. It will give me something to do while the guys are working.
The longer we’re apart, the more okay I am with the idea of living with each of them separately during the year, and then all of us living together in the off season. I just know we can make this work. It’s not going to be easy, but I’d rather have one of them at a time than none at all. If this is the sacrifice I have to make so they all have their dream and I have them, I can do it.
“Honey, you sure you’re okay driving all that way?” Mom asks as I pack the last of my things—all of their hoodies to re-up their scents, clothes, lingerie, and all my bath products.
“Yeah, it’s only a few hours. I’ll be alright.”
“I just don’t like you driving that far.”
“I promise I’ll be super careful. I need to see them so badly.”
