“Been thinking about that. We have some stretches at home for games, and I think that would be the best time for you to come to the house. We’re off campus, and it’s just the three of us,” Eli says.
I nod my head, wondering why they aren’t asking me to stay there full time. I guess that would be a pretty big step, but it’s not like I’ve got anything else going for me.
“We’ve got to stay focused to get drafted,” Mikael says quietly, and I nod again, wanting to cry. I feel like second best. He looks over at me from the front seat. “I want this, Charlotte,” he assures.
“I know.” My voice cracks, but I hold the emotion in. I wonder if I’ll be competing against hockey for the rest of my life, and if it’s something I could learn to live with. They’re my scent matches. I’ll do whatever I need to do to be with them.
Eli pulls into the garage and gets out of the car, then opens my door. He grabs me by the waist and tugs me close, whispering in my ear so only I can hear. “I’m going to figure this out for our pack. Just be patient with us, okay?” I nod and squeeze him tightly, wondering exactly how the fuck he’s going to make this okay.
Our scents in the cabin are thick and oh-so satisfying. I inhale deeply and store the scent so deep into my memories that I will only correlate this smell with the happiest moments of my life. I walk across the living room and sit in the middle of the couch. Mikael on one side of me and Anders on the other, while Eli sits in the standalone chair.
We all look at each other, not wanting to talk about logistics. We could talk till we’re blue in the face, but at the end of the day, they all want to play professionally. Until we have an idea if that is a reality and where, there’s really no planning to be had.
Plus, the fact that we just had the biggest sex-fest of our lives, we’re wrung out. I just want to be with them, have these moments that were lost because of my heat.
“Movie?” Mikael asks, and I smile and lean on his shoulder slightly. He purrs for me, and it genuinely helps calm my anxiety. He puts on some Leonardo DiCaprio movie, but all I can do is take turns staring at each of them.
Still leaning against Mikael, I sigh. “You’re still sure about me?”
“Yes. I still don’t know what I’m doing though.” He squeezes my thigh, and I wonder why he lacks this confidence. Mikael always seems to think he’s not good enough, and I don’t know how I can make it more clear that all I want is honesty and effort.
“I won’t ask you to give up hockey,” I say to him, reassuring the question he’d asked me a week ago.
“Thank you,” he says, leaning down and kissing my hair. “We’re going to make this work, Charlotte.”
They feel like famous last words.
We’re all asleep on the couch when their alarm goes off. All three of their faces are sullen and I’m pretty sure like I’m on the verge of losing it. It’s awkward watching them pack their bags and load up the truck while I sit at the island, waiting for them to drive me home for the last time.
“Are you sure you can’t pack me too?” I ask Anders playfully. He grips my hips and swivels the stool to face him. His face is serious when he scans my features.
“I would,Kulta. You have no fucking idea. But Mikael was right. We have to focus. Not just on getting drafted, but for our team. Plus, between school and hockey, we don’t have a lot of time at home. I’d rather you be home with your mom.”
I nod my head and place my forehead in the middle of his chest. “We have to talk every night.”
“You think I could go a day without talking to you? You’re crazy.”
I shake my head and then look back up at him. “And you’ll plan for me to be in Boston a few times during the semester?” He nods, and I sigh. “I’ll take what I can get.”
He looks uncomfortable and rakes his hand through his dirty blond hair. “I want you to have everything.”
“We’re young, we’re scent matches. We’ll get through it.” I probably say it more for myself than Anders because I have no idea how I’m going to get through it.
He cups my face and leans in and kisses me so sweetly. His lips are soft and delicate as he handles me with care and puts so much devotion behind the kiss I can’t help but melt under his touch. His scent is thick and warm around me as he shows me just how much he’s going to miss me.
“Stop hogging our girlfriend,” Eli says. I can’t help when I grin at the term. It’s a little silly, seeing as we’re scent matches. Girlfriend almost sounds trivial, but I’ll take any and all titles.
“Make sure all the girls at BU know you have one of those,” I say, pointing at all of them. They all nod like I’m being an idiot for even having to say anything.
Eli scoops me up in his arms, my legs dangling in the air as his arms support my weight, and he kisses me ravenously. Where Anders’ kiss was sweet, this one is claiming, letting me know that I’m his and he is mine. I can’t help but moan when his tongue enters my mouth in a needy sweep. He slowly puts me down, my front dragging against his all the way down. I’m pretty sure he’s trying to get me worked up before he leaves. Eli sighs and kisses my cheek one more time before pulling back and giving space for Mikael.
Mikael doesn’t jump on me like Eli or give me tender affection like Anders does. “This is for you,” he says, holding out a large tote bag to me. “Open it later when you get home.” I nod, and he leans forward, his fingers turning my face up to his. The kiss is chaste, but when he pulls back, and I look into his eyes, I know that if we do anything more, he wouldn’t be able to leave.
The last thing I want to do is to be the reason why Mikael gives up his dream. I refuse to be that person. We’re going to make this work. It might not be a normal pack dynamic for a while, but someday it will be, and that’s what I’ll hold on to. That soon, we’ll all be together like this again.
It’s a somber ride back to my house, but they all get out of the car to say goodbye. I will not cry… I will not fucking cry. Then the three of them wrap me up in a group hug where they are hugging too, and I fucking lose it, and the tears fall freely. The cold air makes crying even worse than it normally is, basically crystalizing the awful emotional intrusions streaming down my face. All three of them are touching me, telling me that they’re happy this happened and we’ll find a way. I hate that they’ve turned me into a crybaby. I just can’t seem to stabilize my emotions around them. When I’m around them, I can let myself feel everything. It’s somehow comforting and terrifying at the same time.
But right now, I feel hopeless, and if they don’t leave soon, I’ll make them promise me things I promised I would never ask of them. I kiss them each one more time.
