Chapter 20
Cara
Passing the last wolf outpost takes little time, but with it comes the knowledge that I’m about to enter enemy territory.
We make it past the tiny village without being spotted, but I can tell our group is getting tired. The southern mountain range rises before us, high and daunting, and I worry for older wolves like Kiki or smaller ones like the children. Hugh, Sym, and I have trained and conditioned our bodies for sustained exertion, but not everyone had access to that kind of regiment in their palace lives. Some of the escapees are lifelong servants, people who assisted the wealthy for a living, who never got to practice shifting on the fly or marching long distances. They’re worn and weary, and no few bear grim expressions on their faces as we start the arduous climb towards safety.
Now that I have time to take in who my allies are, I take note that Marra was not among those captured for their loyalty to me.
The base of the mountain angles up at an easy slope, but before the day is out we have to push harder to make the climb. Even my strong thighs ache, and I wonder how many of our number are suffering in silence.
We make camp again at night, with Sable and I starting small fires to keep everyone warm. The children huddle with their parents, and some of the older party members have paired up to conserve warmth in the thin mountain air. I sit on a fallen log a few feet from Sable, using my Solari gifts to summon a cone of heated air around the two of us.
The trek across the mountain range takes us several days, and by the time we descend the opposite side, the air is thick with tension. Moods have soured, and arguments break out among the weary wolves. Parents snap at children, old friends quarrel, and the group spreads out across the wooded range to give themselves space from one another, coming back together only at night for warmth.
At the crest of the range, we finally lay eyes on the convent Sable mentioned. The compound is more vast than I expected, with several small interconnected stone buildings spread out inside a walled courtyard. Fires seem to be lit at all times, though in the daylight it’s harder to see them. The biggest of these fires lies in the center of the compound, in what appears to be a massive metal bowl. Though we’re still a couple days’ journey from reaching it, I can see people adding fuel to the fire several times throughout the day. Their devotion to their Flame God is apparent in how regularly they tend to it. They even carry out a temporary structure to shield it from a brief rainstorm.
Fortune smiles upon us when we come across a large, clear stream hidden among the trees on the mountainside. Everyone takes turns in a welcome bath, and moods improve across the board. I’m grateful to scrub the grime and blood off me, as well as any physical reminder of Corvin’s attack that may remain after our earlier hurried bath in the river. Perhaps we won’t offend the panthers’ senses as much now.
I make the grave mistake of opting to bathe when Sable does, though I should have known that was a bad idea. The sunlight glints off the droplets clinging to her ivory skin, and for a moment I forget that there was ever a problem between us. Did I really let so small a thing as her being a different species get to me? How could I? We’re both people, after all, outwardly no different than any other two people.
I wade over to her and help her scrub off the caked mud and dirt. She flashes me a grateful smile, and before I realize it, I’m leaning in for a kiss.
Sable jerks and backs away, and my shattered heart seizes in my chest.
“We shouldn’t,” she says, stepping out of the water. “We should focus on getting everyone to safety.”
I stand there in the water with clenched fists, warring emotions boiling within me. So strong are these feelings that they seep into my gifts, and the cool stream becomes a temporary hot spring as steam rises from the surface. In an effort to save face, I step out of the water and squeeze the excess liquid out of my long hair. The heat from my powers dries me quickly, and I dress in a huff.
A hand lights on my shoulder, and I freeze.
“Be patient with me, Cara. My world has changed so much in these last weeks, and it’s frightening. I barely know who or what I am right now. A panther, yes, but also a woman. A victim and a survivor, a refugee and a guide. It’s all a lot to process.” She squeezes my shoulder before releasing me. “Don’t give up on me yet.”
That small bit of hope is almost worse than nothing at all. I almost wish she’d abandoned us in our flight from the palace. Anything would be better than this torture of watching her day in and day out, unable to really connect like we did before.
Once everyone has bathed and dressed again, we continue our trek down the mountainside. I drift away from Sable, unsure of how to act around her now, and Hugh catches up with me away from the rest of the group. We walk together in silence for several moments before he tells me what’s on his mind.
“You should go to her.”
Tears threaten to cascade from my eyes, and I scrub my face with my hands to hide it. “She doesn’t want me to, not right now.”
“Bullshit. She wants you just as much as you want her.”
A dry laugh barks out of my throat. “She wants to be left alone.”
Hugh grabs my arm, pulling me to a halt and causing me to shriek and jerk free. “Did she say that?”
“As good as, yeah.” I look away, rubbing my arm and avoiding the intensity of his gaze.
“Cara Solari, if you weren’t in such a state yourself I’d smack some sense into you right now.” I flinch at this words, and he sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Look, the poor girl has had her world upended countless times since we found her. For whatever reason, and I’d wager you haven’t asked, her own people turned on her and almost killed her. Then a wolf woman swept her off her feet and treated her better than anyone ever has, I bet, even going so far as to feed, clothe, and house her when she’d done nothing more than existed. And just when everything was looking up for her, she was chained, locked up, and beaten. Who knows what Corvin did to her when he dragged her off! You should be glued to her side. She needs you.”
“Nobody needs me.” The tears slip free, and I shake as I struggle with Hugh’s words. “I’m a broken symbol. Half the tribes want me dead for overturning the Elders and disrupting the status quo, and the other half has been imprisoned fornotwanting me dead.”
Hugh scoffs. “You sell yourself short. Look around you. These people are just the ones Corvin’s men caught. Think about how many escaped capture, how many in the outlying towns and villages are likely still loyal. Think about the ones like Bram, who risk everything hiding in plain sight with the enemy.”
I step away to a fallen log and sit, resting my head in my hands as the weight of the past few days lands heavy on my shoulders. “How can I expect anyone to follow me now? I can’t even look my childhood friends in the eye. It’s like anyone who’s bigger than me strikes a fear that I can’t shake. What kind of leader shies away from even a friendly touch? I’m useless. Nothing more than a living tinderbox.”
Hugh sits next to me, and I cringe. “What did he do?”
