A sob wracks my body, and before I know it I’m bawling in his arms. The words come streaming out, and I unload every horrific moment in that dungeon room with Corvin to Hugh. Every second of the pain, the humilation, comes pouring out of me, and I can’t bear to look my friend in the eye.
He holds me through the tears, through the babbling and the tremors, and when I’m done and sure that his disgust will push him away, he holds me still.
We sit there for an hour, getting left farther and farther behind from the rest of the group. Finally, when the tears have run out and the sobs faded to soft hiccups, Hugh speaks again.
“Cara … Dear Solari, he really did that?”
I nod, sniffling and wiping my face.
Hugh’s body vibrates with a barely-concealed rage, and it takes everything I have not to run screaming from it. I know that he would never hurt me, but a large part of my brain still reacts violently to any sign of aggression.
“I’m so sorry, my friend.” His arms wrap tighter around me, as though he was trying to squeeze out the trauma. “No one should ever have to endure that. Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“And admit my failure? Admit that I’m weak and useless, a mere man’s plaything?”
“You are nothing of the sort! You are strong, Cara. You are valuable for more than your gifts, more than the flames. We need you to lead us. We need your guidance, and we need your friendship. One heinous event is not going to change that. It’s not going to changeyou. Not if you don’t let it.”
My face crumples again, and if I hadn’t already cried myself dry, I’m sure a new flood would have started. “I don’t know how not to let it change me, Hugh. I don’t know how I can be an effective leader or fighter if I can’t face a man for fear of what he might do to me.”
“Do you think leaders can’t feel fear? That’s nonsense!” He tips my chin up, forcing me to look him in the eye. “Cara, everyone feels fear. I’d think you a fool if you didn’t.”
“I didn’t feel it before Corvin.”
“Then you were a fool before.”
For some reason, that makes me laugh. Hugh smiles, a kind smile, and he kisses my forehead.
“You will survive this, Cara. It will take time to mend from these wounds, but you will survive. Don’t rush things. We have a place to go. We have allies. And you have Sable. Tell her what you told me. Let her in. Let her help heal you. Let us all help you.”
“How do I tell her? How do I even begin to?”
“Do you want me to help?”
Help. All my life, I’ve never needed it. I’ve done everything on my own for as long as I can remember.
“Please.”
Chapter 21
Sable
Cara and Hugh catch up to us after disappearing for a while, and I note her red-rimmed eyes. It worries me, but what can I do? She still won’t talk to me about what happened to her, and I still don’t know how close I should let myself get to her. She trots up to me and takes my hand in hers, lacing our fingers together. I don’t quite understand, but I squeeze her fingers and hold on. Something tells me I shouldn’t let go.
“I want to talk after we make camp tonight,” she says, a subtle blush pinking her cheeks.
I nod. “Okay.”
That one word seems to take some tension out of her shoulders, and she sighs. Whatever she and Hugh were doing or talking about, it must have had her anxious about talking to me. I hope she’s okay.
Just then, one of the children—a precocious little towheaded boy named Zan—comes barrelling through, plowing between us so fast that he pulls our hands apart. Cara starts with a gasp, and I quickly grab her hand again.
“Miss Sable! Miss Sable! When will we get there?” He looks up at me with wide, curious brown eyes.
I look out past the trees to the convent below. “I’d say another day’s travel, Zan. Then we’ll be there.”
He bounces on his heels. “Will there be other panthers there, too?”
“Yep. This far south, that’s all you’ll find. No wolves on this side of the mountain, except you and your friends here.”
