Apart from Hugo, nobody talks to me as I sit here, and I automatically get lost in the buzz of the crowded station, lost in my thoughts. But then, when I least expect it, someone approaches me again... and this time, it’s a voice I recognize.
“Luc?”
I glance up, staring straight into the surprised, worried eyes of the person who drove me here: Cody. My mind boggles at the sight of him. How is he here? And what does it mean?
“How did you find me?” I ask, shocked and confused.
Part of me knows that telling him I loved him and proposing to him in front of my dad was a bad idea, but I still feel like he betrayed me. He said one of the most hurtful things anyone has ever said to me, and he did it right after I proposed. I was at mymost vulnerable, and given what I told him about my past, he should have known better.
I’m angry with him and try to show him that by throwing him a glare, although I think I end up mostly looking sad.
“I looked everywhere for you, lastly at your dad’s place, but you weren’t there,” Cody says. “And since you mentioned wanting to go home, I figured I’d look for you here at the station and... I suppose I got lucky.”
My jaw tenses. Lucky, he said. I don’t know why, but something about that word feels wrong. Irritation wells up inside me. Maybe it’s like I told Hugo: Cody and I are just too different. Perhaps too much has happened. After all, love is supposed to be easier, isn’t it? Or is it always like this? I have no idea; I only know that it hurts.
“Leave me alone,” I mutter, standing up. “You’ve already said enough.”
He shakes his head, his gaze hopeful. “No, I haven’t. I said things I shouldn’t have said, but I haven’t said nearly enough. Will you please hear me out?”
Merde, I can already feel tears welling up in my eyes again and my throat clogging. “Whatever it is,” I reply, trying to keep my voice from breaking. “I don’t want to hear it, so don’t try to follow me.”
I turn around and walk away from him, even though it feels like a knife twisting in my chest, and even though I regret telling him not to follow me as soon as I say it. Because the truth is, deep down, I want him to follow me. I want to be with him, but I also want to be in control, and both having him and being in control of my emotions is apparently impossible... so I don’t know what to do.
“Wait, don’t go!” Cody shouts behind me.
I ignore him, heading in the direction of the platforms. I stay to the side, walking behind large pillars where there are fewerpeople. With no clear idea of where I’m going, I keep walking until, after a minute or so, someone suddenly grabs my hand, preventing me from continuing.
“Please, Luc, can we just talk?”
I turn to face him, and I must say, he looks as lost as I feel.
“I’m sorry about what I said,” he adds before I can say anything. “I just didn’t expect a proposal. Tell me, did I miss a cultural difference here or something? Is it a European or French thing to get engaged incredibly fast?”
I scoff at him. “You know better than that.”
“Yeah, well, I thought I did, but I’ve been questioning everything since it happened.”
My jaw tenses. “I’ll admit I acted impulsively, but you made me feel like a jerk for doing it, while I was only trying to be romantic!”
He shakes his head. “I wasn’t looking for a big, bold, romantic gesture, Luc. I only wanted us to be together.”
“Yes, I know that now.”
When I realize something, my insides turn to ice. Hang on... Wanted, he said, not want. Does that mean he doesn’t want it anymore? God, this is so confusing. For a minute, when I was talking to Hugo, it felt like this might be easy. But how can love ever be easy, especially when it involves me? With my track record, I don’t know how I ever believed it could be. There’s only one way this can end: I’m getting dumped.
Chapter 26: Luc
My pulse is racing when I yank my hand away from Cody’s. Without a clear purpose, I turn around and start sprinting. I have no idea where I’m going; I only know I can’t stay around him, can’t bear to look at him as he explains where I went wrong. This is precisely what I didn’t want; having him look at me like I’m a fool for proposing. I’m unsure if I saw that in his eyes, but I can’t take the risk. I won’t stand and listen as he rejects me.
“Luc, wait!” Cody’s voice echoes over the crowd, but I don’t look back. My legs move faster than my thoughts, carrying me through the corridor. Before I know it, I’m darting around a corner, running up some stairs I barely see, almost bumping into people making their way down. When I reach the top of the stairs, I hesitate, trying to make sense of my surroundings.
The train standing to my left tells me I’m on a platform. I don’t know its destination. There’s an electrical board hanging not far from me, and I try to read it, but the words don’t reach my brain. I don’t even have a ticket, but that’s the least of my concerns right now. The most important thing is to get away. Wherever this train goes, I’ll take it. I just hope it’s somewhere far away. Who knows, it might take me to Besançon after all.
I take a deep breath, urge myself to move forward, and use the nearest entrance to board the train. When I enter, people look at me. I wish they didn’t; it’s more curious, judging stares I have no use for.
Avoiding people’s gazes, I take the nearest available empty seat. I’m glad the train isn’t too crowded; I just want to be able to sit, stare out the window, and not get up until I feel like I’m far away. And if I get a fine for the ticket I don’t have, I’ll deal with that then.
The whistle blows, indicating that the train is about to leave. This is it, then; I’m really going away. And unless I tell people where I am, neither Cody, my dad, nor anyone else will find me.
