The realization causes me to feel a sharp sting of regret: nobody will know where I am. I’ll be alone, wherever I end up, with no one to fall back on. I’m running, even though not too long ago I decided running would be pointless. But that was before I was confronted with Cody, faced with the possibility of more heartbreak. I ran before it could happen. Ultimately, whatever pain solitude can bring me, it won’t be as hard as hearing from Cody that he doesn’t want to marry me. He doesn’t want to be with me. And knowing that breaks my heart.
I shift in my seat, pressing my lips together, staring out the window without truly seeing anything. That’s it, then; it’s truly over. What makes it especially confronting is that, one way or another, I always thought we would get it right in the end. But maybe I’m not meant for love.
The train starts moving, the view from the window changes, and I’m too lost in thought to notice the man dropping himself into the seat in front of me. I vaguely realize he’s out of breath, but I don’t want to look at him. I don’t want to look at anyone right now.
But once he starts talking to me in a voice I know all too well, I no longer have a choice. “Dammit Luc, you can’t just run.”
My gaze flicks to him, my lips parting when I see him. It’s Cody. Somehow, he caught up with me again, and now we’re in an enclosed space where I can’t run. I’ll be stuck here listening to him telling me all the reasons he won’t marry me. Until we reach our next stop—whatever that is—I have nowhere to go. Crap.
I throw him a glare. “I just did. And I’ll do it again.”
Cody’s expression is a mixture of worry and determination, maybe some annoyance added into the mix. “Do you even know where you’re going?”
“Away from you.”
Those words visibly hurt him. Good. He deserves to feel a fraction of the pain I feel, of the heartbreak he’ll undoubtedly put me through.
He lets out a breath that’s slower, more trembling than the previous ones. I look away from him again, and for a while, all I hear is the sound of the train clattering along the rails.
“Please, Luc.”
Please what? I have no idea what he wants from me, and I don’t think I want to know either. I need to get away from him before he feels like he can talk to me freely. Maybe he won’t break up with me on a train with people around, but I’m sure he’ll do it once he has the chance. I’ll do anything to get out of it, use any excuse I can think of.
Just then, a voice sounds through the intercom. In Dutch and French, a man announces that the next stop is Brussels Central. A new idea occurs to me: that’s where Maxime lives. If I do this right, there’s a chance I can get away.
My jaw tightens. “Whatever. I don’t have time for this. I need to... um... visit Maxime and get my stuff. Yes, that’s it. They asked me to do that today.”
Cody frowns at me, the disbelief showing on his face. “Really?”
“Yes, Cody, really,” I reply, annoyed. It’s only partially true. Maxime expects me to pick up my stuff at some point, but we didn’t plan for that to be today. It works out, though. This way, I can hopefully avoid this conversation. It might just be perfect.
Except, once again, Cody has different ideas.
“Okay, I’m going with you.”
I frown at him, my stomach twisting. “What? Why?” He seems set on the idea, which is far from helpful to my cause.
“Because if I don’t, I’m pretty sure you’ll disappear again. You have a tendency for running, and I don’t want that. Not just because I’ll worry about you when you’re away.”
Oh, so he’s worried about my safety—that’s it. Nothing more. Just great.
I roll my eyes at him. It’s the only way to hide what I truly feel, to keep the emotions from pouring out. “Fine,” I reply, pretending to be indifferent. “I suppose I can’t stop you, can I?”
He shakes his head. “You can’t.” His determination stays when he replies, but I can’t help but think he looks sad as well. Or maybe it’s just my imagination. After all, I’m screwed, aren’t I? I’ve already been turned down.
To keep my emotions tightly in check, I let out a huff, cross my arms in front of my chest, and sink into the seat. Maybe I can ditch him along the way before things get worse. He’s already seen more of my vulnerability and my pain than I would have wanted. If I’m lucky, Maxime will invite me into their house, and I can hide in there for long enough until he goes away. I can only hope.
When I don’t say anything, Cody also keeps quiet, and the silence between us stretches. It’s only a five-minute train ride between Brussel Midi—where we boarded—and Brussel Central—the station closest to where Maxime lives. I already made a plan in my head, and with this quiet, unbearable tension hanging between me and Cody, the train ride seems to take much longer. I feel restless, and I desperately wish I could stand up and pace through the train, but undoubtedly Cody would just follow me, and what’s worse, perhaps even talk to me. Ultimately, sitting here, acting cold and distant is my safest bet. Perhaps he’ll give up.
I keep my gaze firmly away from Cody, looking outside. Still, I can feel his eyes on me plenty of times during the ride. Sometimes, I’m positive he opens his mouth and takes a breathto say something, but ultimately, he stays quiet. At one point, I even think I can see him shaking his head from the corner of my eye. It’s maddening, actually. Part of me longs to hear what he has to say, but I’m also dreading it. After all, it can’t be anything good.
***
We reach Brussels Central without any other words spoken between us. I wish I could say I was relieved, but I’m not. Not only do I believe the worst is yet to come, but I also got caught up in my own lie. Contrary to what I told Cody, Maxime isn’t expecting me at all, and it won’t be long before he finds out. I don’t even know if Maxime’s at home right now, and if they are, they’ll surely be surprised to see me.
As I try to think of a way out, Cody and I walk side by side to the station’s exit. I pull my phone from my pocket, open my chat with Maxime, and start typing a message in French.
Luc:Hey, are you home right now?
