He inhaled a short breath and opened his eyes again to see Jake nodding.
“When you’re ready and not before then. Okay?”
Rye nodded, and he turned his hand over and waited until Jake’s palm flattened against his. Then he closed his eyes and sighed a slow, quiet sigh that was part longing and part sadness.
Soon.He really did hope it would be soon.
Rye lay in the bed in the extra bedroom, staring up at the ceiling. He was cold, even though he’d burrowed under the comforter, and the little bit of sadness he’d felt just before he and Jake had gone to get ready for bed still lingered. He’d been in bed now for maybe about an hour, but he hadn’t been able to fall asleep. And actually, he sort of didn’twantto sleep, because what he really wanted was down the hallway.
He frowned and sat up, staring off at the door to the bedroom, which was open wide, as always. And he bit his lip.
Since coming to bed, he’d been distracted by thoughts of... Jake. And he’d been remembering back to every time he and Jake had taken a new step with their relationship. First hugging. Then holding hands. Rye kissing Jake’s knuckles, then his lips, then touching Jake’s stomach and chest. Cuddling together in bed. For every one of their firsts, Rye had been the one to initiate. And for every one of their firsts, Rye had started by trying to be comfortable withhimtouching Jake, not the other way around, in a situation where he was in clear control.
He knew he wanted more with Jake, and despite the little setback earlier, he sort of... felt like he was ready. Or at least, he was maybe ready to try to initiate again.
Jake wouldn’t be the one to ask Rye to come to his bed or to touch him; Jake really would just wait for Rye to ask, when he was ready. Which was probably exactly what Jake should do.
An ache—another of those painful mixtures of longing and sadness, like that he’d felt on the couch earlier—tugged at him, and he scooted over to the edge of the bed and stood, tucking his hands under his arms to keep them warm. Then he crept silently across the room to the bedroom door and peeked out, down the hallway. Jake’s door was cracked open just a few inches, like usual, and when Rye stepped out into the hallway, he saw darkness through the crack. He bit his lip.
If he asked Jake if he could join him in bed, the light would have to be on. Jake hadn’t seemed to mind that before, when they’d stayed in the hotel together. But this was different. This was in Jake’s home. In Jake’s own bedroom.
“It doesn’t bother me to have to be careful about certain things, it won’t scare me away. And you’re worth it. You’re everything to me.”
Jake’s words from days ago filled his heart, and he took a small step down the hallway. Then another and another, until he was just in front of Jake’s door. He still couldn’t hear Jake’s snoring, and he wondered if maybe Jake had been having just as much trouble sleeping as Rye had. He lifted a hand and, after a second of hesitation, knocked lightly on the doorframe.
“Jake?” His voice wavered on the single word, but he heard an immediate response from inside the room, a quiet cough and some rustling. He closed his eyes so he didn’t even have to see the sliver of darkness through the crack.
“Hmm? Um, yeah, I... Um, you can come in. And turn on the light. Do you need me to?”
There was more rustling, and Rye heard Jake’s feet hit the floor. He didn’t want Jake to have to get out of bed for him, however, so he gathered all of his courage and reached in through the partly open door and flipped the light switch on. Then he forced his eyes back open as he pushed on the door a smidge.
Jake was sitting on the edge of his bed, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light. He ran a hand through his hair, and as their eyes met, he gave Rye one of his wonderful, kind smiles.
More warmth spread through Rye’s chest, and he bit his lip again and gave Jake a tiny, awkward wave. “Sorry, I, um... couldn’t sleep, and y-you can say no, but I wanted to ask if I can come in here and sleep... with you.” The words came out almost all on one breath, and Rye’s cheeks suddenly felt hot as he stared at Jake. Jake’s hair was a mess, and he wore only sleep shorts and a T-shirt. And the heat from Rye’s cheeks shot lower as he forgot himself for a second, his eyes following a path down Jake’s bare leg—it was his bad leg, but the scarring along Jake’s thigh wasn’t what had pulled Rye’s attention. It was the sparse layer of dark hair covering most of Jake’s leg.
Rye’s fingers curled up against his palm as he imagined running his hand along—
“I would love that,” Jake said softly, and he pushed himself up to stand.
Rye tore his eyes away from Jake’s legs. “Yeah?” he asked.
Jake nodded and offered Rye his hand. “Very much. I actually couldn’t sleep either. I was, uh, worried about you, after... earlier.”
Rye frowned as he stepped through the doorway, fighting the urge to apologize again. He made his way over to meet Jake at the side of the bed, slipping his hand into Jake’s as soon as he got close enough. Then he melted into Jake’s embrace, and he stood there, basking in the warmth.
He suddenly wasn’t cold at all anymore.
“Do you want to sleep on this side again? That seemed to work out well the other day,” Jake asked.
When Rye nodded, Jake kissed his forehead, and then the two of them climbed into bed and under the covers, snuggling up together as though they’d done it a hundred times already. Ryealmostasked about the light, just to make sure it wasn’t going to bother Jake, but before he could speak up, Jake rubbed his arm lightly and said, “You know, I kind of like having the light on.”
Rye huffed a small laugh and shook his head. “No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do,” Jake argued, “because then, when I open my eyes, I get to see the most beautiful sight in the world.”
Rye rolled his eyes as Jake reached up to brush Rye’s hair back behind his ear.
“Really, it’s true.” Jake leaned in and kissed the tip of Rye’s nose. “You are beautiful, and I just love that you’re here with me.”
