That deep down feeling that everything was good began to spread, pushing away any of Rye’s lingering unease from earlier, and he breathed in slowly, closed his eyes, and let his hand settle in the middle of Jake’s chest. After a few minutes, Jake’s hand came up to cover his.
“Good night, Rye,” Jake whispered, his thumb rubbing across the back of Rye’s knuckles.
Rye didn’t answer right away, because he still wanted something more, but he had to gather all of his courage to ask for it. So he closed his eyes, and when he was ready, he said, “I realized something. When I was in bed in the other room, I mean.” He tilted his chin so he could see Jake’s face, but Jake was looking down toward where their hands were joined under the blanket, so he continued. “I-I realized that I want to try something else tonight. If... if it’s okay with you.”
That got Jake’s attention, and he pursed his lips and shifted his gaze to Rye. His warm, kind eyes only made Rye feel even better about his decision.
Mustering up his courage, Rye let his hand start drifting lower on Jake’s chest. It pulled the blanket down slightly with it. “I want to touch you,” Rye whispered, surprised at the roughness in his tone. He cleared his throat. “If you want me to.”
Jake’s eyes widened, but he didn’t answer right away, and instead, he looked away, his gaze dropping back to where Rye’s hand continued lower, working its way down Jake’s stomach now.
He stopped at the hem of Jake’s shirt, though he curled his fingers under it, and then he waited, his heart pounding. Would Jake say no? He could. He could say no if he wasn’t ready or didn’t want to, or he could say no if he... didn’t want to deal with Rye struggling again. Rye frowned and opened his mouth to apologize as he started to move his hand back up.
Jake’s hand stopped him.
“Idowant that,” Jake said. “I want that very, very much.”
Rye’s heart stuttered at the deep reverberation of Jake’s voice in his chest, and he swallowed hard. “Good. Good.” He glanced down to where his hand rested low on Jake’s stomach, his fingers still hooked under the hem of Jake’s shirt. “I... I hope this feels good. You’ll have to . . . to tell me.”
“I know it will,” Jake answered, with much more certainty than Rye felt. “It’s already... Just this, just you being here and...” Jake hesitated and then laughed lightly, almost shyly, Rye thought. “Let’s just say, I’m not sure I’m going to last very long.”
Rye almost laughed, too, and he wanted to counter with “I’m sure you’ll last longer than I did the other night.” But he said nothing. And instead, he gave Jake a small smile, propped himself up on his elbow, and then bent down and captured Jake’s lips in a sweet, slow kiss. At the same time, he pushed the blanket off Jake’s upper body and down past his thighs.
“You’re not cold, are you?” Rye asked as he broke the kiss. Jake’s eyes were still closed, and he shook his head. “Okay, good.”Because I want to watch.
He couldn’t quite bring himself to say the words, but Jake blushed fiercely and gave Rye a knowing nod. And Rye smiled. Then he bent down and kissed Jake again as his hand traveled up under Jake’s shirt. The kiss was short, mostly because Rye found he couldn’t really concentrate both on what he was doing—his hand traveling up Jake’s chest, exploring every inch—while also kissing Jake. When he pulled back, he watched Jake’s face for a moment, studying every little twitch in his jaw muscles, the slight tension in his brow, the way his eyes closed tighter when Rye’s fingers brushed over Jake’s stiff nipple. Then, Rye let his eyes wander downward. Jake’s shirt had lifted much of the way up, exposing the taut muscles of his stomach and chest, his naturally tanned skin covered in a light dusting of dark hair.
Can you take your shirt off so I can see all of you?
The words formed in his head as he paused with his hand in the middle of Jake’s chest. But instead of saying that, something else came out, an unexpected mess of half-formed, unintelligible sentences. “H-he never d-did. He never asked. He just—and so—he just took what he wanted.” Rye buried his face into Jake’s bunched up shirt, shame and embarrassment rattling him.
Why had all of that come out? Why did he keep messing everything up?
He shook his head. “Sorry, sorry, I j-just wanted to ask if you could take off your shirt. Th-that’s all.”
“I can do that,” Jake said quietly. “Here, scoot back for a sec.”
Rye complied, and he kept his eyes closed for some reason as the bed shifted. When Jake stopped moving, Rye cautiously opened one eye and then the other,and even though the sting of embarrassment still bothered him, he forgot everything for a moment as he stared.
“Oh, wow. You’re...” He couldn’t even begin to try to pick out the right word to describe Jake.
Gorgeous came to mind. Incredible. Perfect.
Mine.
He reached out to touch Jake again, his eyes still scanning the expanse of muscles and skin of Jake’s upper body. Jake’s hand gently caught his, though, and Jake brought their hands to his lips, kissing Rye’s knuckles.
“Can I say something before we continue?” Jake asked. Rye frowned but nodded, and Jake smiled softly. “First, we can stop. At any time, for any reason. You don’t even have to tell me why. If you need to stop, we can stop. Okay?”
Rye swallowed tightly. “Okay. Yeah.”
Jake kissed Rye’s hand again. “And then, I think, um, I should tell you this too, because of what you said, um, a minute ago... You canalwayssay no to anything. I, um, I know that wasn’t the case for you before. But it is now. I promise you. AndIknow that formetoo. I knowIcan say no if I want. I’ll say no if I’m not comfortable, and you can say no if you’re not. Any time. For any reason. And I willalwaysrespect that. I’ll never do anything without your consent, and I’ll never do anything I’m not comfortable with either. I think... I think I’ve shown you that.”
Rye nodded once and then again. “Thank you for saying that.” He closed his eyes and forced out his next words. “He sometimes made me undress. He didn’t give me a choice. When I started to ask you, when Iwantedto ask you to take off your shirt...” Shame and guilt flared in his chest, and he frowned and shook his head. “Sorry to ruin the mood. Again. I-I keep doing that. I-I shouldn’t have said... anything.”
“God, Rye, come here.” Jake reached out to him, and Rye scooted back over and melted into Jake’s embrace. Jake’s skin was warm against his cheek as he curled up into his spot. Lips pressed against the top of his head, and Rye sighed contentedly as Jake held him a little tighter. “You didn’t ruin the mood. Now or earlier. And you can tell me as much or as little as you want, any time you feel ready to. Okay? It’s your story, it’s your decision. I’m noteverentitled to anything. No one is. Only as much as you want or need to tell. It maybe helps me to understand your reactions or, um, so I don’t do something to hurt you unintentionally. But it’s always your choice. Okay?”
The love and tenderness in Jake’s voice soothed Rye’s heart, and he managed a small nod. He let himself sit there with that feeling for a moment, letting Jake’swords—from now and from earlier and from all the times Jake had reassured him over and over—repeat themselves in his head.
