And so, Jake continued. Just a little higher, still light, slow, careful.
Rye’s heart thrummed, and his chest ached with want for more. And low in his groin, his arousal pulsed with that deeper need and want he’d only recently started to know.
Maybe . . . they should slow down after all.
Rye dismissed the thought as soon as it came, and in fact, he did the opposite. He turned his head and tugged gently on Jake, bringing their mouths together in a kiss that quickly deepened, and with his other hand, he reached up under his shirt, covered Jake’s hand, and pushed him up farther.
He broke the kiss a moment later when Jake moaned into his mouth, and he let his head fall forward. His breaths were coming in fast pants, and his heart raced. And he... god, he...
“Jake,” he said, breathlessly. “Jake, I . . .”
“Hmm?”
Wantpulsed through him in another strong wave, at least that was what he thought the feeling was. He made some needy little sound and pushed Jake’s hand higher still and then over until the tips of Jake’s fingers barely brushed just under Rye’s nipple.
The touch sent a jolt through him, and he sucked in another of those sharp breaths and pulled his hand away as he pressed his body back into Jake.
“Too much?” Jake’s hand started to drift downward, but Rye shook his head.
“No, no. Do it again. Please.” He was begging, wasn’t he? He felt like he was begging. And his body was on fire, his chest hot, his skin tingly, his...
His hand fell to his thigh. High on his thigh. Just inches from where his shaft was growing harder. Demanding. Like it had the other night.
He pressed his hand against his leg,hard, hoping to ease the feeling, but it didn’t do much except make him want to let his hand move higher. And when Jake touched him again, his fingers teasing ever so lightly over Rye’s nipple, Rye shuddered as his shaft throbbed. He pressed his hand down into his thigh more and scrunched his eyes shut tightly.
Jake repeated the motion, letting just the tips of his fingers brush over Rye’s nipple, and Rye nearly came undone right there. God. God, it felt good.
But then for just a short second, he froze and couldn’t breathe. Jake was now kissing his neck, his hand smoothing back down to Rye’s stomach. And Rye fought with himself as his mind played little tricks on him. Flashing back to one of many moments. A nonspecific moment, even. When he’d been touched like Jake was touching him just now. But rougher. Much rougher. The man behind him, with an arm wrapped around him. Hurting him.
“Rye?”
Jake had stopped. His mouth was no longer on Rye’s neck, and his hand had slipped out from under Rye’s shirt and was lightly resting on Rye’s upper arm.
Rye sucked in a breath, and he shuddered as he exhaled. Then he turned back around and buried his face in Jake’s chest, trying to keep his body from shaking. Jake’s arms wrapped around him carefully.
“Thatwas too much,” Jake said softly.
Rye wanted to disagree. He wanted to shake his head and tell Jake no, keep going, he wanted that again. But that would obviously not be the smart thing to do. At minimum, he needed a minute. Or five.
Because he needed to get the rotten memory that had resurfaced out of his head.
Jake’s touch hadn’t been too much, not exactly. It had just reminded him of things he didn’t really want to ever have to think about again, and especially not when he was here, cuddled up in Jake’s arms, exploring this new level of intimacy. He needed to explain that to Jake, but in a little while, maybe after his racing heart slowed.
So he didn’t answer. He just stayed there, letting Jake’s warmth surround him and calm him.
After a few minutes, Jake kissed the top of his head. “You have work tomorrow morning, yeah?”
He nodded, because he did. “Yeah. Um, nine to noon. Just—just a half day. Janice is closing the store early.”
“Ah, okay.” A hand rubbed lightly along Rye’s arm. “Then we should probably get to bed, huh? It’s getting late. And I mean, this has been a lot. I don’t want to—”
“I’m sorry,” Rye cut in, pushing back to look up at his boyfriend. Any lingering shame and guilt immediately faded as he saw the love in Jake’s eyes. He forced a small smile and then said, quietly, “That was all amazing, and I love how you’re—you’re so careful and gentle with me. I loved all of it. You didn’t do anything wrong, and—and it wasn’t too much. I just remembered something, and I don’t...”
He trailed off and then pushed away from Jake more, closing his eyes as he pulled his knees up to his chest. He wanted to stay in Jake’s arms, he didn’t like this space between them. But he realized he probably needed the space if he didn’t want to have to push himself away again later. And that was the last thing he wanted to happen tonight. So, he turned his head sideways, resting his temple on his knee, and he continued.
“You didn’t hurt me just now, and it wasn’t too much,” Rye repeated. “But I was reminded of when... whenhehad hurt me.” And because Rye didn’t want Jake to misunderstand him, he added, “I loved you touching me. I-I wanted... more. I hope we can... do more. Soon.”
Jake was watching him with so much love and concern that Rye could feel it, even with the little bit of space between them. He set his hand down on the couch and slid it over toward Jake. Carefully, Jake shifted and reached out as well, until just his fingertips grazed along the back of Rye’s hand. Rye closed his eyes, feeling some of the warmth return to him.
