“Since Mom killed herself!” she yelled. Now hyperventilating. I go to yell back, but Spencer puts his hand up. Stopping me from raging against my sister, who is broken. Who is shattered into a million pieces on this floor. I look at him, with fire in my eyes, my lip curls up, feeling the animosity grow the longer my eyes sink into his.
“You. You fuckin knew she was doing this. You knew and you didn’t tell me! You didn’t think this was something you fucking tell someone?!” My words slice him with venom. He stands up, holding up his hands in defeat. My heart beating out of my chest, blood coursing through my veins, making me vibrate with absolute hostility.
“I caught her a few months back. You were at practice, and Grant just stormed out. I wanted to make sure she was okay, I snuck into her window, and I caught her. She begged me not totell you; she told me she wouldn't do it again.” Spencer looks down at Scarlett, who is motionless on the floor. Her eyes stared at the wall in front of her.
I take a step closer to Spencer. I want to beat him into the fucking floor; I want to beat all his teeth in and make him bleed. “I want to hit you so fucking bad.” I curl my fists, getting ready to lay him the fuck out.
I’m trying to hold my temper, I’m trying to understand his side, but fuck, I can’t right now. I am fuming with the betrayal from my sister and my best friend.
Scarlett looks up and yells, “stop, please stop. He wanted to tell you, but I wouldn’t let him. I knew it would break you. But I do what has always been done to me, and I break people, that’s all I know.” She looks at the wall in a void of emotions, tears no longer falling. “I want to be strong, but I’m weak.” She whispers, “I want to be loved, but I’m unlovable.” She doesn't even blink as the words fall from her mouth. “Sometimes I beg the fire to take me, to engulf me and burn me like everyone else has.” I fall to the floor, putting my hands on her cheeks, wrapping her into me as she breathes heavily. “I am sorry, Levi. I am sorry I broke you when all you have done is save me. I am sorry, you couldn't save me from myself.” As the words fall from her lips, I lose it. I hold her in my arms, and I cry over her, wishing I could take away her pain, her anger, wishing I could kill everyone who has wronged her. My breath hitches, and I try to speak, but no words will come out. They are stuck in my throat, being choked by my broken heart.
Spencer moves in, grabs her hand, and looks at me before looking back down at her. “I love you, Scarlett.” She rips her hand from his hold.What the fuck?I take a stand, as does Scarlett—the first notion of feeling crashes across her face.
“NO! You do not get to say that. You do not get to come in here and pretend you care. I was naive, I’ll admit. Poor me, a girl who was so damn eager to be loved, I believed you when you said you cared, that you wanted to be with me!” Her voice is rising, as is my fucking heart rate.
“What the fuck? You tried to fuck my sister!?” He starts backing up, opening the door to Scarlett's room, giving us all more space, giving him more space to evade my incoming punch. I throw a punch, but he dodges it. Scarlett steps in between us, and I freeze.
“You were supposed to tell him, but you didn’t. Instead, you used me and got what you wanted. Got a taste of me and then got a taste of Ashley too!” I take another step.A TASTE?!Scarlett’s hand comes up on my chest, pushing me back as she stalks toward him like an animal about to devour their prey. “I saw you. She was sitting on your lap with your hands on her hips. I fucking saw you!” She is yelling now, a sight I have never seen. She backs Spencer up. “You can say anything you want right now, but I won’t believe you, because up until now, everything has been a lie. EVERYTHING.”
Spencer sits on the bed, holding up his hands. “Let me explain, and if you feel like you need to beat my ass after, I’ll take it, I’ll take all of your rage if I have to, Scar.” Scarlett stands with her arms crossed. I make eye contact with her, and she shrugs. I nod at him to continue, but so help me if he says one thing sexual about my sister, I am going to maul his ass.
“My feelings started when I started training Scarlett. Yeah, I always thought she was cute, but there's that whole 'bro code' thing. I trained her, looked out for her; I did what you asked me to do. At first, it was simple. As my best friend's sister, of course, I’d look out for her and help her grow into a strong woman. If she wanted to learn how to fight, I wanted to teach her. Then,as training continued and our time together increased, so did my feelings. We both held off for a long time, but eventually we reached a point where we no longer wanted to stop. I was going to tell you about it at the last away game, first on the bus, where we got interrupted by my team talk, then after the game. However, you went out and went balls to the wall, then slept the entire ride home. Every single time I wanted to talk to you about it, something came up… Looking back, I could have tried harder. I could have taken the time to sit you down and tell you, but truthfully, I was scared. I was teetering between two best friends, both of whom I love; I just love them differently. I feared that if I told you, I would lose you, and ultimately lose Scarlett too. I know how this looks, man, and I never meant to go behind your back or fall for your sister, but I did.” He takes a big breath and looks at Scarlett.
“Scar, I am sorry for what happened tonight. I don't know what Ashley was doing. She came over to me and sat on my lap, saying we should hook up. I grabbed her and moved her off me. I told her no, I was with someone, and she got mad and stormed off. Jessica had told her I was fair game.” A shock runs through me.
I shake my head, “Yeah, it could be partially my fault. When Jess and I were sleeping together, we thought it would be fun to set you up with Ashley since I have never seen you with a girl before. I didn’t know about this.” Spencer shakes his head.
“Scarlett, I would never hurt you. Never would I put you in a position to question your worth or how much you are loved. I am in love with you, Scarlett. I am in love with your ability to make everyone laugh and smile. I am in love with the way you curl your hair between your fingers when you’re nervous or the way you bite your lip when you're thinking about something, but don’t want anyone to know. I love how fearless you have becomeand how strong you have grown. You are a force, Scarlett. You think you are weak, but you are far from it. You think you are not loved, but everyone I know loves you. How could they not? You focus on the wrong love, baby. You focus on the love that comes with conditions. You deserve to be loved without stipulations, without regulations, just love, free of expectations and sacrifice. You deserve to be loved in all the right ways, and I am so fucking sorry no one has loved you how you deserve.” His eyes shot to mine in recognition. “Except Levi.” She gives him a small smile. Honestly, he is giving me less and less of a reason to beat his face into the ground, so I let him continue.
“I’ll love you unselfishly, there will be no stipulations and regulations, there will never be fear of being unworthy or less than. I will never ask you to sacrifice yourself for my gain, baby, be selfish with me.” He walks over to her and holds her face so gently in his hands. It makes me forget he betrayed me, because no other man has ever shown my sister this amount of tenderness, and I know Spencer is a good man. What he's saying is true; she deserves all that and more.
“Scarlett, I am in love with you, and I will be for the rest of my life. Please let me show you how lovable you are. I promise I'll never hurt you, in no way, shape, or form. Unless I do something stupid with Levi, odds are it was his idea anyway. What I am saying is, forgive me, Scar. Forgiving me for being selfish, forgive me for making you think—” His chin quivers. “That I would ever, ever betray you, so much so that you went back on your promise.” I watch a tear fall from his eye, and he grabs both of her hands. “If you allow me to love you or not, you’ve got to stop this, baby. You can’t keep hurting yourself, and unless you want Levi sleeping on your floor and following every step, you have to get help. Even if you tell me to go fuck myself, I will love you. Even if you need space, I will love you endlesslyand forever because that is what people who truly love someone does, without ulterior motives.” She looks up at him now, crying herself, wraps her arms around his neck, and pulls him into her.
I clear my throat as the feelings try to soar out. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt her tonight with Ashley, I know it was her. I also know you didn’t intentionally betray my trust by falling in love with my sister, but fuck, it feels like a gut punch. I know she is amazing, and it would be hard not to fall in love with her. Out of everyone she could have chosen, I am glad it is you, Spencer. I’m hurt that you both thought you couldn’t tell me, I’m pissed you didn’t tell me what she was doing, yet, I understand all the same.” I take in a much-needed breath and sit on my sister's bed.
“What a fucking birthday.” Putting my head in my hands, I take a few breaths.
Scarlett walks over to me, holding out her hands. I grab them while her eyes beam into mine. “Levi, I need help, and I am sorry that it took this for me to want it.” I pull her onto the bed next to me and I hold her, like I'll never hold her again. I hug her as if I let go, I'll lose her.
I whimper in a jaded breath before my words come. “We will get you help. I promise you that. I'm going to fix this.” Spencer stands there watching us. I set Scarlett so she is sitting up, as I stand up. I start walking toward Spencer.
“Here’s the deal. You hurt her, and I will kill you. You touch her in any way other than loving, and I will kill you. You so much as look at her wrong, and I will knock you the fuck out, because she is all I have. And if you ever–ever– keep a fucking secret as significant as that again, I will kill you. Never, ever keep a secret if someone is self-harming, especially not my sister. From now on, it’s the truth and only the fucking truth, because if not?”
“You'll kill me.” I shake my head and pat his shoulder.
“Good thing you're a fast learner. Letty, if you love him back, you'd better pray he listens, because if he breaks any of those rules. I will not hesitate to break your heart, sis.”
Spencer stands tall. “I feel I need to clarify what was said earlier…I would like you to know I did not have sex with your sister, or anyone for that matter.” My face drops.
I put my finger up, shaking it in his face. “Another rule. NEVER say my sister and sex in the same sentence, ever again… also, that is actually surprising and does make me feel better.”
I’m hurt and confused. I’m broken because I feel like I have failed. Yet, I’m also oddly satisfied; the truth is out. I’m hopeful for a better tomorrow, and I will do everything in my power to help her heal from there.
She may always have those scars, but I'll be damned if she burns another.
Chapter 34
At War
