Ethan soothed a hand up her back until it was anchored in her hair at the nape of her neck. “Tell me when you are ready.”
Alice swallowed and nodded against him, their noses brushing. “I told him that I’d fallen in love with you, and it nearly killed him.”
CHAPTER 26
Walking up the familiar stairs of his father’s law office, Ethan prayed the man would be available to see him. Ethan hadn’t been in town for a few months, and after the tearful conversation he’d just had with Alice, he needed counsel from the man he respected the most.
“Mr. Beaumont!” Mr. Dunfield, clerk for the firm, exclaimed, seeing him stride into the room.
“How have you been Dunfield, are you well?”
“Oh, yes. Affairs are running smoothly as always, and we’re still using some of your methods to keep us on track” the clerk said with a smile. Ethan appreciated the update but was impatient to get past the polite chitchat and to his real purpose for visiting.
“Is my father available?”
“Oh, yes. Of course, you are here to see your father. He is available at present, feel free to go on in.”
“Thank you, Dunfield.” He gave a quick bow to the man before turning down the hall and knocking on the office door.
“Ethan!” A mix of surprise and joy washed across John Beaumont’s face as he rose to embrace his son. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Well,” he said, reluctantly extricating himself from his father’s embrace, “I wasn’t expecting to be here. It’s a bit of an unplanned visit.”
Brow furrowed in concern and lips turned down, his father gestured to the chair in front of his desk before taking his own. “Tell me.”
So Ethan did. He explained everything leading up to this trip, from the day he met Alice and the terrible first impression she made on him causing him to judge her harshly, to Priscilla’s scheme to have Alice design the garden—throwing them into working together. And how over time he had come to see Alice in an entirely different light, and that he feared he had fallen hopelessly in love with her when there was still no conceivable future for the two of them.
John sat and listened without comment, though a few of his expressions along the way had done plenty of talking on their own, he now looked at Ethan critically.
“What is it that’s holding you back son?”
“What do you mean?” Ethan was surprised his father didn’t understand, possessing one of the sharpest minds he knew. “I will never be the kind of man her father would approve of, and Alice will never go against his wishes, especially not now. She blames herself for almost killing him when confessing she loved me. She’ll never allow for something like that to happen again once he pulls through.”
“Yes, I understand all that,” John said with a wave of his hand. “It’s unlike you, though, not to fight for what you believe is right. If she truly does not want to pursue anything further, then you should absolutely abide by her wishes, but . . .”
“Butwhat? What else can I do?” Ethan was worn down and didn’t want to belabor this with his father. While holding Alice in his arms as she slept had been bliss, her distress when explaining what had occurred and the horrific consequences hadleft Ethan with no doubt as to where things stood. He wasn’t sure he should have come at all.
“But why are you not asking her for the chance to find a solution?” his father finished, looking him straight in the eyes, not about to let him off the hook. “I know you don’t believe yourself less worthy of her than any other man, regardless of what polite society may say. And one could argue that the two of you are in fact equals when family rank and position are the sole considerations. So why are you not making that argument? Something else is holding you back. What is it?”
Ethan squirmed in his chair, uncomfortable that his father knew him so well. Because the truth was that he didn’t like the small part of himself thatwasstill holding him back. A queasiness emerged from the furthest reaches of his gut when he realized he would need to confess his deepest insecurity, and ugliest prejudice, to his father.
“What does it say about me if I choose to be with a woman whose family embodies the very ideals I’m working against?” He swallowed, waiting for his father’s judgment, but none came.
“Oh, Ethan.” He couldn’t take the kindness and understanding in his father’s eyes and looked down at the floorboards. “It says that you fell in love and that you look at the person underneath all the pretense rather than making assumptions.”
“It just feels like I’d be turning my back on everything I set out to accomplish when I accepted West’s offer. Ineedto succeed at the estate. I want you to be proud of me, to feel like I left you for a reason. Would choosing Alice not negate that?”
Now he was getting to the heart of the matter. The fear Ethan had shared with his sister, that he was rejecting his father by choosing his own path.
John walked around the desk and sat on the edge in front of Ethan. “Son, I want you to really hear me when I say this. I havealways been—and will always be—proud of you. Nothing could ever change that.”
“But I left you, I told you without words that the life you had created wasn’t enough for me,” Ethan choked out through a throat thick with tears.
“Son,” his father laid a hand on his shoulder, “I understand perfectly why you left, but even if I didn’t, I’d still be happy that you were finding your own way in the world.”
“I know that. I just can’t help feeling like I betrayed you by leaving. That it conveyed the message I didn’t feel you were doing enough. And in judging the life you’ve led—I rejected you.”
John let out a sigh. “Have you been carrying this around with you? No, you don’t need to answer that, I can see that you have.” His father stood up and began to pace.
