“I wanted you to come to this realization on your own, but that may take more time than we have, so here goes.” Priscilla inhaled deeply before grasping Alice’s hands. “You only haveone life, Alice. You must live it to please yourself—and no one else. Not me, not my mother, and not Uncle. Only you.” There was a deep earnestness in her voice and Alice knew what she was saying was important, but she couldn’t simply disregard her father’s wishes. It wasn’t that easy.
“I want you to find a man who will make you as happy as West has made me. Life is too short to be concerned with anything else.”
Alice pulled away, head shaking. Standing, she began to pace again. “I can’t. I can’t act so recklessly and selfishly, what will Father say? And you sound just like Ethan!”
“Ethan? What does Ethan have to do with this?” Priscilla seemed genuinely confused for a moment, but then her eyes widened in understanding.
“Alice . . .,” she said slowly, “did something happen between you and Ethan when you were stranded together?”
“No! No—that is, yes. Maybe? Oh, I don’t know!” She twirled around, causing her dressing gown to balloon around her, and Alice wished it would swallow her up whole. It would save her the humiliation of having to explain to her cousin what she couldn’t even explain to herself.
“Alice,” Priscilla started with an unnatural calm, “tell me plainly, did he act in an untoward manner? Did he hurt you in any way?”
In dismay, Alice realized her cousin was concerned for her innocence and had gathered the wrong impression in her inability to explain herself.
“Oh, no—nothing like that. He was a perfect gentleman, I assure you.” The words tumbled out of her mouth in her haste to set the record straight.
Priscilla’s face relaxed, and she let out a puff of air. “It did seem completely out of character for him to behave in such a way, but you had me concerned.”
“If anything, I was the one who acted inappropriately.” Alice could feel her cheeks begin to burn; however, if anyone would be able to help her parse out her feelings about what had occured, it would be Priscilla.
“Alice, what happened?”
Alice told her everything—about her inconvenient attraction to him, before she even knew who he was, about how kind he’d been amid her thoughtlessness and condescension. How he had done everything in his power to care for her, and how she’d recognized what a good man he was. And finally, how she had given into her feelings in the cottage and the passionate kiss she’d initiated only to be soundly rejected.
“I can’t believe he took it upon himself to decide everything; it was so completely presumptuous!” Alice seethed, having worked herself up as she explained what transpired.
Priscilla watched calmly from the settee, Knightly safely beneath, as Alice marched across the room in her agitation. She hadn’t realized she was picking at her fingers until Priscilla grabbed her hand on the next pass.
“But he wasn’t wrong, was he? Upon coming to your senses, wouldn’t you have done the same?”
Alice colored, cheeks burning to be discussing such things aloud. “No, he wasn’t wrong to stop things . . . I would have agreed with him,” she ground out through gritted teeth. “But that’s not the point.” She pulled her hand from Priscilla’s and resumed pacing in frustration. "He didn’t ask me what I wanted! He just believed thatheknew what was best and made a decision for both of us without even thinking to inquire how I might be feeling or what I desired in the situation. Ugh . . .men!” she said, throwing up her hands before collapsing beside Priscilla on her final pass.
Alice closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, audibly exhaling through pursed lips. “I hate that my entire life has beendirected by men thinking they know what’s best for me, and I hate even more that Ethan was right. We can never be together, so exploring our desires any further would be a foolish errand.” Chancing a glance at Priscilla after her tirade, she was relieved to find no judgment in her expression. “Do you think me an immoral and loose woman?”
“Not at all. I understand what it’s like to be overtaken in a moment when there is genuine attraction between a couple, I would never judge you for that. But, darling, why do you think there is no future for the two of you?”
Alice looked at her cousin as if she were mad. They had similar upbringings, so how could Priscilla even ask such a question?
“Father would never approve of a man like Ethan. I don’t mean to disparage your husband, you know I adore him, but you also know that thetonlooks down on how his title was obtained. And his lineage aside, Ethan has no title of his own. Even worse, he chooses to work. Father would never condone such a match.”
“I understand your hesitations when it comes to the arguments Uncle will make,” Priscilla said, holding her hand up to preempt Alice. “What I don’t understand, however, is why you are not able to see past Uncle’s viewpoints and accept that you could fight for Ethan as a worthy match.”
“Why does everyone keep telling me to disregard my father’s wishes?” she huffed. “What is wrong with wanting to be a good daughter and making him happy and secure?” Rising, she stormed over to the window, only to be confronted by the man who was haunting her every thought, both waking and sleeping, at work once again in her garden. As she closed her eyes and leaned on the cool glass, desperate to block out the sight of Ethan, Alice felt Priscilla’s hand on her shoulder.
“There is nothing wrong with wanting to make those around you happy, Alice. Youarea good daughter, and you’ve alwaystaken such good care of your father. But I don’t want you to sacrifice your own happiness in order to please someone else.” Alice stiffened at the implication of Priscilla’s words but allowed her to continue.
“I, too, once lived to please my parents—and you know very well what came of that. I found myself married to a man forty years my senior, purely for the sake of status, then quickly became his nursemaid as I watched him wither away. My parents were beyond pleased—I was a duchess, but I was also miserable. I soon learned that standing in society will not bring happiness. Who others are in their hearts is so much more important than whether they possess a title.”
Alice turned, her temple pressed to the window as she looked at Priscilla, trying desperately to understand what she was telling her. “But you married West, you still have everything your parents wanted for you. How can you tell me to abandon all expectations when you still have everything we’ve ever been told to aspire to?”
Priscilla let out a sigh. “Yes, I understand that it might appear that way. But believe me, I almost didn’t give West a chance because hewaseverything my parents wanted for me.” Priscilla wandered back to the settee and sat, looking a bit pale, leaving Alice to wonder what she meant.
“After Stern died, I was determined to live only for myself. I knew West was a match my parents would approve of, and so I wanted nothing to do with him, asserting my independence by being contrarian. But as I grew fond of him, I realized that even though I was acting in opposition to their wishes, I was once again letting my parent dictate my actions. I was still making decisions with them in mind rather than paying attention to what I wanted myself. In the end, I chose West because it pleasedmeto be with him. The fact that it also made my parents happy was simply coincidental.”
Alice realized when Priscilla reached up to wipe her cheeks that she was crying again.
“I’m not telling you to rebel against your father. The two of you have had a difficult time, and I know you worry for his health—we all do. But I want you to think for a moment about what will makeyouhappy. Think about what you have learned this past month, what you have learned about yourself, your own strengths and desires. Ethan is a good man. If he aligns with what you might want, don’t discount him out of hand.”
