Fitz must have said something to him while they were together that made him feel such a step might be well-received. They were light in tone and not written in a way that made her feel obligated to respond. He didn’t ask intrusive questions or try to make his case, seeking forgiveness, as he acknowledged there was no justification for the way he had acted. Rather, he wrote about how being on the coast and working was helping him slowly heal. He told her about the projects he was working on with Jonathan and how for the first time he was excited about what he could do for Ravenswood. Angeline was relieved by what she read; she could hear his lightheartedness returning in the way he wrote. He sounded like himself again.
It wasn’t until Sidney’s last letter that he even mentioned how they might try and rebuild their relationship moving forward.
Dearest Angeline,
As the time is quickly approaching for Parliament to resume, I have decided it is time for me to return home to Ravenswood and get things in order before I must depart, yet again, for London and the opening of the session.
I am most anxious to see Hazel. Fitz told me she was thriving when I last saw him, and she certainly seems more than enthusiastic in her letters, telling me all about her adventures with Miles and Emily. Reading about their friendship, I couldn’t help but be reminded of another trio of children on the same estates a few decades ago.
My sincerest hope is that when I return, we can begin anew as friends. Regardless of what we have been to each other over the years, through all the ups and downs, we have always been friends. It has been one of the constant threads running through my life and one of the greatest privileges.
I know that may be asking a lot, and I hope that we may have an honest conversation with one another when next we meet.
Until then, ever your friend,
Sidney
Angeline had been warmed by the letter, and it made her desirous to see him and have that conversation sooner rather than later. That was why she planned a stop on her way back from visiting Highland Manor today. She, Moira, and Elise had spent a wonderful week visiting Grace and her new daughter, Josie. And they helped Angeline process some of her unreconciled feelings.
“It seems silly to mourn for something that was more of a missed opportunity than a real relationship,” Angeline said as the women took turns cuddling the newborn. “Our relationship really only lasted a few weeks before everything so tragically fell apart.”
“I’m not sure that matters,” Elise said. “When real feelings are involved, time frame has no impact. It was a span of only a few weeks when I fell in love with Reid, and I hadn’t been friends with him for over twenty years beforehand.”
“You and Sidney have always shared a connection,” Moira added, pausing to take Josie from Grace as she finished feeding her. “For most of your friendship, both of you felt more for the other at different times, and the timing was right to finally allow what was there to flourish. It’s hard to just leave something like that behind.”
“What is it that’s preventing you from moving forward?” Grace asked Angeline in her gentle way.
“I think what’s been so difficult is not knowing how to repress the feelings he’s reawakened in me. For so long after losing Phillip, I couldn’t even contemplate being with another man. But as I moved forward with my life and returned to Geffen House, I began feeling lonely. I missed what it was like to have a partner. Then Sidney waltzed back into my life and suddenly all the desire I thought had died came to life again. I have enough years left ahead of me that I wanted to live fully and with affection. Those feelings are still there, and it’s hard to imagine being without someone to love for the rest of my life, but I also can’t imagine sharing a life with anyone other than Sidney. Due to circumstances that’s just not possible. Now the very thing that made me feel alive might kill me out of desperation.”
All of the women looked at Angeline sympathetically as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She gave them a watery smile so they wouldn’t fret over her. “Please don’t worry about me, I’m just being melodramatic. I’ll be alright, I just need time to readjust and find a way to put these feelings back away again.”
“Are you sure you can’t make it work with Sidney?” Moira asked after a tense minute of silence. Grace and Elise let out sighs of relief at the question, as if they had been wanting to ask themselves.
“You all know the situation. I just don’t see a way it could work. And I can’t live in hope and constant disappointment. My heart can’t handle it.”
As the carriage drew to a halt in front of the dower house, Angeline shook herself from the memory. She knew the conversation she was about to have would hurt, but it was now or never.
CHAPTER32
Sidney couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Angeline step down from the carriage in front of the dower house. She looked more beautiful than ever in the low winter light, making her hair appear a deep shade of red as the ocean breeze caught loose pieces from her chignon, sweeping them across her face.
“Hello, Sidney. It’s good to see you. You look well.” She was peering at him intently, trying to get a read on how he was faring. He knew he had regained his health and clarity of mind, and he hoped she’d be able to see that in his countenance.
“I am well, and it’s wonderful to see you.” He wasn’t sure where they stood but risked drawing her into his arms. She didn’t resist, and after a moment, she wrapped her own arms around him, drawing him nearer while she melted into his chest. He wanted to hold her forever and never let her go, but after a moment he loosened his hold, not wanting to press his luck.
“Not that I’m unhappy to see you, but why are you here?” Sidney asked in surprise, as he was planning to return to Kent soon.
“I was nearby in Somerset to see Grace and the new baby. I know you are preparing to come back, but after hearing how well you were doing, I figured this would be a good time for us to talk about what happened before you came here.” Angeline looked down, fidgeting with her hands. “I owe you an apology, Sidney.”
He stared at her aghast. “Angie, I am the one who owes you an apology, not the other way around.” She looked back up, and he could see several emotions crossing her face. “Come inside. I’ll make us some tea and we can discuss things more comfortably.”
Sidney led her inside, still amazed that she was actually there and reveling at the feel of her touch against his arm. He showed Angeline to the cozy study so she could take a seat by the fire, moving a table between them to be ready for the tea.
“Warm yourself up here, I’ll be just a few minutes while I prepare some treats for us.” Walking swiftly to the kitchen, he was grateful that Evie had stopped by the day before and left him freshly baked scones and cakes that he could plate as the kettle came to a boil.
“When did you learn how to prepare your own tea?” Angeline asked with a smile as he returned with the loaded tray.
“I’m not a completely useless gentleman. That said, Evie showed me, as I’ve mainly been here by myself these past months.”
