Just then, the sky opened up, raining down on them in torrents. They had been so consumed with one another that neither had noticed the dark, foreboding clouds moving in. Startled, Angeline let out a shriek, and within seconds, both were soaked.
* * *
Looking up at Sidney’s startled face, wet hair already plastered to his head, Angeline burst into laughter. Sidney started laughing as well not a moment later, and neither could move out of the rain as they became hysterical. The laughter provided Angeline with a needed release from the tension she held after his inquiry regarding what she was thinking about. They’d gotten rather carried away with one another before being able to really finish the conversation, and Angeline was relieved. She hadn’t lied that she wasn’t yet ready to explain what was bothering her, but she knew sooner rather than later she would need to talk with him about her struggles having children, and what that could mean for their future.
Finally calming his laughter, Sidney stood and swiftly pulled her up so they could escape the rain. They scrambled to gather the picnic items and sodden blanket before dashing to the greenhouse, the closest building they could shelter in. Dropping everything inside the door, Angeline leaned against the glass wall, panting for breath after the short run. Looking around her, she picked up a few folded sheets from a nearby bench, most likely used to cover the plants when it became too cold, and handed one to Sidney as they attempted to dry off.
She unpinned her hair and let it fall down her back in a wet, tangled mess before trying to wring out the water. Feeling Sidney’s eyes on her, Angeline looked up and saw his intense gaze burning with desire as he took in her form underneath the dress that now clung to her. A shiver went through her from both the cold and his gaze, and he was on her in a moment, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.
“Are you too cold?” he asked in concern.
“No, I’ll be fine. I’ll just stay close to you for warmth.” He smiled deviously at her suggestion, the lefthand corner of his mouth quirking up and hinting at the bit of devilry which lay inside him.
“I hope the rain hasn’t completely spoiled Nick’s hunting trip,” Sidney said, hugging her against his chest for his body heat. “He thought the weather would hold for at least the day, allowing for some good sport with his friends at the hunting party. It was a welcome break from all the rain the past week, but a shorter break than anticipated it would seem.”
“I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Angeline said. “Isn’t a little rain always a part of hunting? Surely that’s part of the appeal, feeling at one with and trying to outwit nature.” Sidney chuckled as she shivered and moved even closer to him, and she felt the laugh rumble through his chest.
It was amazing how in just two weeks he had completely awakened her from the fog she had been under since Phillip’s death. Angeline had forgotten how thrilling kissing was, and now that the gift of touch had been returned to her, she craved it. She wanted to feel as close to Sidney as possible, wanted to feel completely like a woman again.
The problem was that giving herself to Sidney also scared her, and more intimacy between them would force the conversation she wasn’t ready for. With lovemaking came the possibility of pregnancy, and Angeline didn’t know if she could handle that again, either emotionally or physically. As much as she longed for children, after her last miscarriage, the midwife had informed her it would be unwise for her to become pregnant again. It was just too much strain on a body that had been through such difficulties already.
Angeline thought she had already worked through her emotions regarding not having children, but much of that that came from thinking she would never have the opportunity again. Now, being in this moment with Sidney and desiring the closeness of a physical relationship with him, the possibility she could become with child was again a reality. And it was messing with both her heart and her head. Pushing away her confusing mix of emotions, she decided to lean into the moment and defer the troubling thoughts to be dealt with another day.
“Sidney,” she whispered, her voice barely perceptible as the rain pounded on the glass roof. He heard her anyway and looked down, waiting for her to continue. “I need you to make me warm. I need you closer.”
He caught on to Angeline’s meaning immediately and began slowly removing the layers of her wet dress, kissing her hungrily. Taking off Sidney’s sodden jacket proved challenging, as the already tight sleeves clung to his arms with the water, forcing them to stop kissing long enough to wrench him out of it. Angeline was down to just her chemise, which thankfully was only partially wet, and he wrapped her in one of the sheets before picking her up and placing her on one of the tables for preparing seed starts. Sidney stepped into the cradle of her legs, and she wrapped her arms around him, bringing him under the drape of the sheet. Cocooned in their own little world, he kissed his way down her neck and onto the exposed skin of her shoulder.
It was an odd sensation to be intimate with someone other than Phillip, but Angeline had no reservations. Sidney touched her with such reverence that she could feel his love pouring out of him in his kisses and everywhere their bodies touched. It had been over two years since she had felt so connected to someone else, even as they only kissed and touched one another. Angeline was still struggling to reconcile holding two very different men in her heart at the same time. She appreciated what Sidney had said about the hearts capacity to expand and hold multiple people at once, and she did feel that way. It meant the world to her that he never seemed to expect her to let go of her memories of Phillip, accepted that he would always be a part of her. For a moment, reveling in being close to Sidney, she felt incandescently happy and began to believe that a life with only the two of them might be enough.
But that feeling quickly dissolved and panic began to set in when Angeline felt the evidence of Sidney’s desire press against her inner thigh. The reality of making love and the possible consequences struck her in a more tangible way than they had before, and she stiffened in his embrace. She couldn’t allow this to happen until she’d made sense of her feelings and talked with Sidney.
Sidney sensed the change in her and stepped back, allowing both of them some needed space before they got out of control. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to move so fast. I just can’t seem to help myself when I’m around you.” Still slightly panting, he leaned in and rested his forehead against hers. “Forgive me?” Angeline felt guilty for allowing him to think he was the one at fault for ending their moment together, but she did not correct him as she wasn’t sure how to explain the tangle of her emotions. Not saying anything, she leaned back into him, and he pulled her into his embrace, keeping her warm.
When the rain slowed enough, a return to the house to dry off properly seemed prudent. Redressing as best they could in their damp and clammy clothing, they were a jumbled mess as they stumbled into the kitchen, laughing once again. Hurrying to the library where a large fire was already blazing, Sidney rang the bell to request warm tea. Less than a minute later, the normally composed butler burst into the room.
“Oh, thank god, we’ve found you,” he exclaimed, seeming unusually agitated. Looking directly at Sidney, he said, “I’m afraid there’s been an accident, my lord.”
CHAPTER17
Angeline watched the blood drained from Sidney’s face as he realized the butler had addressed him using the title. White as a sheet, he grasped for the chair behind him and practically collapsed into it.
“What’s happened?” he gasped.
“There was a hunting accident, my lord,” the butler said nervously. Sidney winced at the use of the title again. “From what we understand, his lordship and the hunting party got caught in the storm. Visibility was low and . . . another man was also injured.”
Sidney let out a groan of pain before dropping his head into his hands. “It’s my fault, it’s all my fault,” he muttered. Rushing to his side, Angeline crouched down before him, clasping his hands so he would know she was there. He leaned into her, seeking her comfort.
“I’m so sorry, my lord—”
“Stop calling me that!” Sidney roared, cutting the butler off. The man took a stuttering step back at the force behind Sidney’s pained exclamation. “I’m not a lord, I’m not anything,” he said, voice ragged. “The title doesn’t belong to me, it’s my brother’s . . .” He collapsed onto Angeline’s shoulder in tears, clutching onto her for dear life while he poured out his pain and disbelief.
“It’s my fault,” he said again through his tears.
“What do you mean, my love?” Angeline asked. “You couldn’t have done anything.” She was worried why he thought the tragedy had anything to do with him, but he was not in a state to elaborate.
Sidney shot upright suddenly, eyes wide in panic. “Hazel—”
“Is well, my lord,” the butler rushed to say. The man was clearly uncomfortable being in the room with them, a witness as Sidney processed the tragedy. But not having been dismissed, he waited to see if they would need anything.
