His touch was electrifying but also had a calming effect. Standing so close to him, Angeline was drawn to the memory of how it had felt to kiss him in almost that exact spot not four days prior. Sidney must have felt the charge in the air as well, sucking in a breath as his pupils ever so slightly widened.
“Thank you for inviting me here,” he said in a low voice, slowly running his thumbs over the back of her hands. “I was afraid I might have scared you away.”
Angeline couldn’t help but notice how vulnerable he seemed at that admission. Shaking her head, she sought to reassure him and started to explain, “You didn’t scare me, Sidney. You could never scare me. If anything, I scared myself. I don’t think I was prepared for the possibility of what it might mean to feel something for someone again. I’m sorry if my wavering has caused you distress.” It broke her heart to think that she had ever caused him a moment’s pain, even if inadvertently.
“You’ve never brought me anything but joy,” Sidney told her, cupping her cheek.
Closing her eyes, Angeline leaned into his touch, reveling in how wonderful it felt to experience casual affection once again. Phillip had touched her so frequently—a hand brushing her shoulder when he walked by, a kiss to her temple when he pushed her seat in at the table, or holding her hand while on a walk—that she had taken it for granted. It wasn’t until he was gone and she found herself starved for contact that she noticed how constant it had been.
“I’ve missed that,” she told Sidney, refocusing on him.
He looked at her quizzically. “Missed what?”
“Contact. The feeling of connection to another. It’s amazing how little cause there is for a single woman to touch someone, or proper for another to touch her. I’ve missed the feeling of being held so much that it sometimes aches.”
Without a word, Sidney wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Cradling the back of her head, he tucked her under his chin and into the crook of his neck. Angeline instantly felt her body relax into his, and she soaked in his warmth and comforting smell. A moment later, he kissed her temple, just as Phillip always had, making her eyes fill with tears.
“I’m sorry,” she said, pulling away and wiping at the wetness on her cheeks.
“What did I do wrong?” he asked. “Was I too forward?”
“No, it’s not you, Sidney. It’s me. It felt wonderful . . . It just brought back some memories.” Breathing in deeply, Angeline calmed herself and forced her eyes to Sidney’s again.
“This is what I was afraid of,” she admitted. “I think I could lose myself in you, Sidney. It feels too good, too comforting and familiar, being with you. But I don’t know if that would be fair to you. I’m still a mess.”
“I don’t think you’re a mess,” Sidney said, taking a tentative step toward her. “I think you are strong but still emerging from something profoundly difficult. And it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.”
“It doesn’t bother you that I could be lost in a moment with you and then suddenly be thinking of another man?” Angeline didn’t know many men whose egos could handle such a situation.
“Angie, I would never expect you to stop loving Phillip. He’s a part of you now, and because I love all of you, that means he’s included and will always be there in some capacity. I believe we possess the ability to love multitudes. It’s why you can love your brother, Moira, and the children, all at the same time while you also loved Phillip. The heart does not have limited capacity. When someone new enters that space, it doesn’t squeeze someone else out to fill the void that’s left, it simply expands to accommodate them both.”
Angeline felt her chest tighten at his description. His willingness to accept what her life with Phillip had meant was priceless. But there were still many things she needed to understand before allowing her emotions to cloud her better judgment.
“Thank you,” she told him sincerely. “That means more than you can know. But I think we might be getting ahead of ourselves.”
“You’re right.” Gesturing toward his home, he said, “Why don’t we walk down to the bench by the greenhouse, and we can talk further.”
Angeline took Sidney’s arm as he led her down the uneven path toward Ravenswood. Less anxious than she was before, she knew there was still a lot to be negotiated between them.
Settling down near the impressive glass structure, Sidney turned toward her and asked, “What would you like to know?”
“I guess I’m confused as to when you started to see me differently. I’ll confess I always had hopes for you, and I thought you seemed a bit different before my debut, but it was hard to reconcile that with the boy I knew growing up—the one who was irritated by my constant presence and only wanted to go on adventures with Fitz without his little sister tagging along.”
Smiling at the recollection of their childhood exploits, Sidney took one of her hands, holding it gently in his own before leaning back against the bench.
“You’re right that when we were younger, I found you more annoying than not. It rather puts a damper on the kind of shenanigans you can get up to when a six-year-old with no end of questions is along for the ride.”
Angeline started to blush, remembering how relentless she had been in her pursuit of answers. “I was an inquisitive child, what can I say?”
A wide grin broke out on Sidney’s face, brightening the space around them. “I like that part of you, Angie. Of course, I can appreciate it now in a way I couldn’t when I was twelve.” Leaning forward, his expression turned more serious again. “What did you mean a moment ago when you said you’d had hopes for me?”
“We’ll get to that, I promise,” she said softly. “Please continue.”
Nodding, Sidney settled back again and squeezed her hand. “When we went off to school, I missed seeing you grow up. But then during the Cambridge years, I started to see you grow into your own, becoming a fierce, independent young woman. I didn’t see you for two years when I was away being a young wastrel on my grand tour. And when I came back, you were all grown up. Angie, you were so beautiful you took my breath away the first time I saw you again. And so self-possessed. For the first time, I saw you as a woman and began to think about you differently.”
Angeline let out a startled gasp. It seemed Moira and Fitz’s suspicions were true, but she had no idea he’d felt drawn to her for so long.
“Why didn’t you say anything? I had been infatuated with you for years, and it was my dream you would want me when I came out into society.” Angeline couldn’t believe how close they had come, how differently her life could have turned out.
