And there it is.Untitledand datedMarch 6 at 11:24 p.m.
I barely remember recording it. I’m pretty sure it happenedduring one of our late-night walks home from a party. One click to the screen and Julia’s laugh fills the quiet. It’s not her sweet, giggle laugh but the kind of laugh she only does when she thinks something is insanely hilarious. Tears and snorts are always involved.
I close my eyes and let it sink in.
And being the masochist that I am, I let myself pretend that everything is okay. That Julia’s still my best friend. And that I didn’t ruin the only thing in life that ever felt like it was worth being serious over.
Sunday, October 12th
Julia
Zip’s Diner is packed and buzzing with lazy Sunday energy. The scents of butter and maple syrup cling to the air, mixing with the occasional clatter of silverware and laughter from the corner booths.
Scottie dunks a forkful of hash browns in hot sauce. “We should’ve known once Ace Kelly became the prez…things would go off the rails.”
Kayla grins. “Right? Last night was insane. How many ferrets were there? Ten? And what was with the dude in the gorilla costume on the skateboard?”
Scottie laughs. “I saw that guy crash and burn so many times.”
I laugh because I’m supposed to. But my smile is brittle, and my coffee’s long gone cold.
Ace was barely visible last night. Just flashes. A glimpse of his profile across the room. A low laugh from somewhere down the hall of the chemistry basement. And always with someone beside him. Usually a girl, and never but never me. He didn’t come over to try to make up or explain again, he didn’t pull me aside and apologize for keeping something from me for the first time ever and for fucking everything up with his timing, and he didn’t let me have my fifteen minutes to be upset and then check on me to call it to an end. I know he was never good at telling time, but three weeks ought to be long enough to tell the difference.
The worst part? I noticed.
I noticedallof it.
I stir my coffee for too long. The spoon clinks the sides of the mug in a repetitive rhythm I don’t even notice until Scottie shoots me a look.
“You okay?”
“Me?” I blink, and when I realize her eyes are on me, I quickly nod. “Oh yeah. I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“Mm-hmm.”
Kayla’s too busy face-diving into her pancakes to notice, but Scottie doesn’t look away. She lowers her voice. “So…how are things with Drew?”
I bite the inside of my cheek as I realize that I haven’t thought of Drew once since we sat down. And the worst part is, I have to force myself to scroll through my brain to find the file labeledboyfriend.
“They’re…fine.”
Scottie raises her eyebrows.
“They’re good,” I add and force a smile to my lips. “Great. Things are great.”
Scottie gives me a look but lets it go.
I pick at the corner of my napkin and try not to think about how I haven’t heard Ace’s voice in three weeks. Or how it feels like the loudest silence of my entire life.
Kayla’s phone buzzes, and she groans. “Ugh, study group. I gotta go.”
She hugs Scottie goodbye and waves at me. “Text me later!”
Scottie and I are left in a quiet lull. She takes a long sip from her coffee, eyes never leaving mine, and I just sit there, wishing I could be more conversational. Wishing I could be more present and not lost in my own freaking head.
“Girl, I know you’re not okay,” she says softly.
