I stiffen. “I’m fine.”
“You know you don’t have to lie to me, right?”
I shake my head. “I’m not lying.”
“Julia, from the moment I met you last year, you and Ace were a package deal. And now, all of a sudden, you don’t sit by each other in class. You don’t go to parties together. You’re strangers.”
I open my mouth to deflect again, but something in me cracks. And instead, I whisper, “We’re not okay.”
“Damn.” Her mouth turns down at the corners, but her eyes are unsurprised. “I figured. And also…Finn might have told me some things.”
I swallow against the lump rising in my throat.
Scottie doesn’t push. She sits there with me in the silence, letting it stretch out between us.
“I don’t know what to say,” I finally admit. “I don’t even know what happened.”
Scottie frowns, and I redirect my lie toward the path labeled reality.
“Okay, that’s not true. I do know what happened, but I don’t knowhowto deal with it. The fight between us…it’s a long time coming and brutal in the most unshakable form. I want to forgive and forget. My bodylongsfor it. But I know I shouldn’t.” I shake my head. Without context, I must sound baffling. “Anyway, I know that’s vague, but I don’t think I can talk about it right now. Not without losing it.”
“Just know…” Scottie reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “When you’re ready to hash out the details, I’m here.”
“Thanks, Scottie.” I try to lift my lips into a smile but fail miserably. “It might not seem like I appreciate that, but I do.”
“Oh, what?” she teases. “You think your current state of resting bitch face isn’t showcasing your true emotions?”
A small laugh bubbles up from my lungs. “I don’t know why my face does that. It’s either giving friendly or I-might-want-to-kill-you.”
Scottie grins. “Don’t worry, I know and love the true woman behind the RBF. She’s one of the sweetest, kindest, supportive, most loyal friends there is.”
Her words are meant as a compliment, as reassurance, but they might as well be sharpened nails that slice my chest right open. I don’t feel like I’m any of those things right now. Not to Drew.Not to Ace.
My mind races over the current facts of my situation. And it feels pretty dang dismal when I start stacking everything up. Drew is my boyfriend, but I’m not exactly all in to the relationship. We’ve kissed, but that’s about it. And that’s really freaking weird because we’re not in middle school. We’re in college. We’re in college, and I’m basically abstinent…from my boyfriend. And not loyal at all because even though Ace initiated the kiss in my apartment, I very much kissed him back.
Ace told me he was in love with me. And I can imagine from his POV, he feels like I rejected him. Which doesn’t feel like anything remotely sweet or kind or supportive.
What if I was too hard on him?
“Hey, so,” Scottie says, dragging me out of my own head. “I have some news.”
I clear my throat and sit up straighter. “Yeah?”
“It’s about my surgery,” she updates. “After all the testing, Dr. Raines thinks I’m a great candidate, and I’ve decided I’m going to do it. In November. It’s scheduled for the Monday before Thanksgiving.”
“Oh my God, Scottie.” There’s shit in my life that very much feels like a dumpster fire, but nothing, and I mean nothing, can compare to what my girl Scottie has been through. Right now, her stuff is way more important than my stuff. “That’s incredible. And a really big deal. Huge,hugedeal. Are you…excited? Nervous? I can’t even imagine the emotions you have to be going through.”
“I’m terrified, but…excited. I’m ready, you know?” she says, and her mouth twitches up like she might be afraid to fully smile. “I’m ready to do the damn thing.”
“You’re brave,” I say and mean it. I reach out and squeeze her hand. “So fucking brave.”
She squeezes back. “Thanks.”
We talk a little more about her surgery, but eventually, she needs to go to do something with Finn and his brother Reece. So, we pay the check and head out of Zip’s.
The air is cool and crisp on my face as we move down the sidewalk. It’s that in-between stretch where fall hasn’t committed yet but summer’s starting to let go.
“You good?” Scottie asks before she heads in the other direction to Finn’s and her apartment.
