It’s already October, and the weather is turning crisp with fall. The air outside is colder, but inside this lecture hall for English feels like a padded cell. I’m seated two rows behind Julia—close enough to count the strands of hair she pulls into a high ponytail, but far enough that I can pretend I’m not memorizing the delicate length of her neck like a madman.
For once, though, the seat next to her is empty.
Maybe she and Drew aren’t still going strong?
Hope blooms in my chest, and for one reckless second, I consider walking up and sitting beside her. I don’t even know what I’d say. But maybe I wouldn’t have to say anything. Maybe she’d look at me like she used to. Maybe she’d smile.
But all my hope pops like a fucking pus-filled pimple when Drew walks into the lecture hall. His eyebrows are bushier than his fucking hair, and he even slaps me on the fucking back like we’re buddies and offers a “Yo, Ace” as he passes by my seat.
Of course, he slides into the empty seat next to Julia like he’sright where he belongs and says something low in her ear that makes her lips twitch into a smile. But it’s not the smile I know. The one I’ve seen a million times. It’s polite. It’s…nice. I feel like I’m watching a scene from a rom-com no one asked for.
Though, I’m not the love interest. I’m the fucking punch line.
My phone buzzes, and I glance to check the screen.
Gunnar: Can you drive a city bus?
There is only one appropriate response to this text message.
Me: Absolutely not. Whatever this is I’m out.
Gunnar: Wow. No vision. Sad.
I pocket my phone and lean back in my chair because it’s the only thing keeping me from falling apart and try to think about anything but the girl sitting two rows in front of me.
I’ve got plenty of shit to think about when it comes to Double C. I’m currently balls deep in planning two events—one for this weekend that’s still unnamed and disorganized and the big one for Halloween night—and if I have any hope of passing these classes without Julia, I should probably think about some fucking academic shit too.
I groan and allow my mind to wander back to the big Halloween event for Double C.
That one, I’ve actually got plans for. I’m talking masks, code names, no phones, cloaks. It has all the elements to be the best Double C event I’ve planned thus far, which is saying a fucking lot because every event has brought its A game.
I should be fucking pumped, but I’m a shell of chaos. I have too many tabs open in my brain, and keeping them organized is harder than ringleading a Barnum and Bailey circus.
Because nothing is the same without Julia Brooks by my side.
Class starts, and I don’t hear a single word of it despite knowing how badly I need to.
Halfway through the lecture, I glance up to find Scottie watching from across the room. She doesn’t smile. Only tilts her head like she’s trying to solve a puzzle. Sadly, the puzzle she’s trying to solve is probably somewhere in the NYC dump by now, being piled on by other fucking trash.
But because Finn is conjoined with his girl at the dick, I already know I’m going to get texts from him about her theories.
And sure enough, when class ends, my phone vibrates in a fury.
Finn: I think Ace needs an intervention.
Boden: Oh shit. He’s spiraling?
Finn: He’s close. Two feet on the ledge, man.
They keep going, but I ignore whatever they’re saying and shove my phone into my pocket, purposefully heading out the side exit of the building.
I skip my next class and head back to my apartment, halfheartedly going over logistics for Double C’s Halloween event. And since the university can’t know it exists, planning it feels like coordinating a heist but with glitter and fog machines.
Honestly, this is the only thing keeping me going right now. I might not be enjoying it per se, but it’s at least given me a purpose while everything else in my life feels like a bag of sweaty ballsacks.
My fingers move through spreadsheets and equipment lists, but my mind’s on the pretty voice that used to narrate my life in dumb impressions and whispered jokes. That used to say things like “You’re such an idiot” but in a way that always felt like it meant “I love you anyway.”
Before I know it, I’m pulling out my phone and scrolling past the new text notifications from Finn and Blake, ignoring them completely. I open my voice memo app instead, my mind wanting to take a walk down memory lane when everything felt happy.
