MATT
He spent the night patrolling his territory, and though it settled part of him to know his pack was safe, it didn’t ease the sickness twisting in his gut. The betrayal on Jesse’s face when Matt had shoved him away haunted every minute of his long, cold night.
He returned to the house at sunup. Had to. He couldn’t let his pack go out into the world without him there. And so he drank mug after mug of coffee in the kitchen as his pack came and went, grabbing breakfast or coffee—or, in Dave’s case, fruit tea—before heading to their various destinations.
“Anything you notice, any strange feeling you get, even if there’s no reason for it, don’t ignore it. Let me know straightaway.”He said it to each of them.
He didn’t really think Jason or Tristan were at risk at the diner or at school—if he did, he’d never have let them go—buthecouldn’tlet them head out oblivious to the possible danger. Overconfidence was the fastest way to get killed.
Christian and Dave had headed out to finish yesterday’s task, and Bryce was the only one left. His eyes held concern as he glanced up from his cereal bowl to look at Matt. “You want me to stay home today?”
Matt shook his head. “No need. It’s still clear out there.”
Bryce was studying his face, doubtless trying to work out why, if so, Matt had the weight of the world on his shoulders. No way Matt was going to tell him.
“I’ll be back in the office tomorrow,” Matt said. “Just got a few loose ends to tidy up here.”
Something in him knew before he’d heard or scented anything. He turned his head to confirm—Jesse was standing silently in the doorway. He saw the effect of his words, the way Jesse’s head went back, but instead of flaring up indignantly, he was silent. Like Matt had hit him somewhere he had no defenses.
Matt ran his tongue over his lower lip, knowing Bryce was sitting there watching them both, cataloging the way Jesse wasn’t looking at Matt and Matt was rigid as he stared at Jesse. At the fact neither of them was saying a word.
“I’ll see you tonight,” Bryce said at long last, putting his bowl in the dishwasher. “See you, Jesse,” he added, on his way past.
God only knew what Bryce had made of that little scene, but once the front door closed behind him, Matt didn’t give him another thought.
Jesse didn’t move, but he did at last speak. “I’m guessin’ I’m one of those loose ends needstidying up.” The words were filled with contempt—and withhurt.
Matt didn’t know what to say. There was nothing that could make this right. He couldn’t undo kissing Jesse, and he sure as hell didn’t intend to undo walking away from him.
“Really?” Jesse’s voice was even raspier than usual, anger bleeding through. “You’re seriously not going to say a damn thing about what happened?”
Matt finally moved from where he’d been rooted to the floor. He crossed the kitchen to the coffee machine. If he had any more caffeine, he’d spend the rest of the day climbing the walls, but he needed to look as if he was doing something.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that last night.” He made himself glance over his shoulder. “Sorry.”
His apology didn’t mollify Jesse. If anything, he got madder, his eyes sparking with temper.
“That’s it? That’s all I get? Cause I gotta tell you, Urban—I don’t take too kindly to being kissed like you meant it, then shoved away like I don’t mean nothin’.”
Matt was staring at the coffee machine again. Maybe it was the fact he wasn’t looking at Jesse that enabled him to hear the quiver in that hard, tight voice. Like Jesse was all too used to being shoved away like he meant nothing.
Matt pivoted slowly, andlookedat Jesse. He was rigid, his fists clenched, and Matt could hear his pulse pounding from across the room. Jesse was mad, no doubt about that, but it was like he was only just keeping control over himself.
And it was all Matt’s fault.
Suppressing a sigh, Matt dragged out a chair and sat down, expecting Jesse to follow suit. He didn’t.
“You seriously got nothing more to say?” Jesse demanded. “You didn’t even have the guts to look at me when saying it.”
Jesse was right. He deserved more. Matt aborted his instinctive move to rake his hand through his hair, knowing it would give away how disturbed he was. Instead, he spoke, keeping his voice firm and cool, and not blowing this up into anything more thanit was. “I don’t do relationships. And you deserve better than someone who’ll wreck you.”
Well, shit. He hadn’t meant to say that part out loud.
“Relationships?” Jesse’s contempt deepened. “I ain’t asking for forever, Matt—just to be treated like I’m a person.”
And then his attitude wobbled. The justified anger toppled away, leaving hurt blazing out through his eyes—and resignation, heavy and familiar, like he’d known all along he’d never be treated properly.
Fuck.
