“It can be a lot. It’s not for everyone, and it’s not forever. I am expired.”
I felt my heart soften, and I shifted a little to brush a kiss against his lips. “You’re not expired. You’re not even forty.”
Lukas had a few strands of grey in his hair and crow’s feet, laugh lines. All things that made him look hotter, in my opinion. It made me wonder what he’d look like in five years. Or ten. Or longer.
“I’m old enough to know what I want. And what I don’t.” Lukas kissed me then, a gentle drag of his mouth against mine. He paused, holding us there before pulling away. “Stay the night with me.”
“Okay.” I didn’t want to be away from him, and his asking made me think that perhaps he knew that or had at least guessed it. Or maybe he didn’t want to be away from me either.
“I’m sorry Asher was cruel to you. He had no right.”
For the first time since I woke up in Eugene’s living room, I noticed how weary Lukas looked. Weary and worried. It made me want to climb into his lap. It wasn’t that Eugene would be upset if I did so—it was that he might get too excited about it.
“He’s young. And in love with you.”
“Not to discount his feelings, but I think he’s in love with the idea of me.”
“Lukas, the boy was crushed that he didn’t know your real name. I kind of feel bad for him.”
Lukas looked like someone kicked his puppy, and then I realized that Asher was the puppy, and I was the one who kicked him.
“Is he okay?” I asked. “Are the two of you okay? Because I don’t want your friendship to suffer because of me.”
Lukas shook his head, but offered me a smile. “He’s okay-adjacent. Embarrassed, I think. Remorseful, absolutely. But he’ll be fine, and our friendship will be fine. Thank you for being gentle with him.”
I smirked. “Gentle? I thought that was pretty tough.”
Lukas pulled me closer and tucked me against his side. I rested my head against him and smiled when he dropped a kiss on my head.
“You were just the right amount of tough. But I’m still sorry it happened.”
I sat with that for a moment and then decided something. If not for Asher, I might not have realized that I was self-conscious about the difference between my body and the models Lukas worked with. The insecurity I felt might have been allowed to fester until it was something Lukas and I couldn’t get past. And I might not have realized I was head over heels in love with him.
“I’m not sorry it happened,” I told him. “It got us to a place that made us talk about important things.”
Lukas squeezed me tighter. “You’re too good for me.”
“Nah, I think I’m just right.”
“I think we should make a break for it,” Lukas said, standing up and urging me to do the same. Eugene, who had probably been eavesdropping, swept into the room.
“Are you two leaving? You know if you want to kiss and make up, I’d be happy to watch.” Eugene could be a deeply unserious man when he wanted to be. It was effortless for him to move between supportive friend and consummate brat.
“We’re going to go back to my place,” Lukas said. “Alone, but we’ll be back another day soon when your handler is here to keep you on your leash.”
“Oh, handler. I think I like that.” Something glimmered in Eugene’s eyes, something I wanted to know nothing about. Then he cut his gaze over to me. “Are you okay?”
I wasn’t a hugger. Maybe because there weren’t a lot of people in my life who wanted to hug me, but I stepped closer to Eugene and awkwardly initiated a hug. “Thanks for being here,” I told him as he squeezed me tighter.
“You’re too precious, Sawyer. You kind of remind me of my Joey.” Eugene gave me a final squeeze before letting go. To Lukas he said, “Make sure you take care of him.”
“Always,” Lukas said, making it sound like a promise. Like a vow. Like there was a lot more meaning behind the word. “Let’s get home.”
Lukas steered us toward the door where we said another goodbye to Eugene before getting in Lukas’s car.
“I’m so?—”
“No more apologizing,” Lukas cut me off. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
