Working in public provided the reset necessary for me to forge through the next few chapters of Lukas’s biography. We were almost to the present day now, which meant we were almost finished. There were still some events Lukas had to fill me in on so I could add more context.
When I first started this project, I’d halfway expected it to read like a porn. I thought it would have a lot more sex in it than it currently did, and maybe Lukas would want more edited in once the rough draft was done. For the most part, though, it wasn’t about the sex itself, but the way the relationships he’d had in the industry had impacted his life on both personal and professional levels. When sex did come up, hearing Lukas talk about old scenes he’d been in was far more clinical than I’d expected at first.
My concentration was shattered when I realized someone had taken a seat across from me. I started talking before I even realized who it was.
“Sorry, but I’m—Asher?”
Ash sat across from me with a scowl on his face and his arms crossed over his chest.
“Lukas isn’t here.”
Asher scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I know exactly where Lukas is. And where he’s been.” He looked me up and down, keeping the same miserable expression on his face. Before I could respond, he started again. “Did you know I had my first scene last week?”
“I’m aware. Lukas mentioned it in passing.” Lukas had also filled me in about Asher’s crush, the way he’d expressed his feelings for Lukas, and how terrible he felt that he’d had to hurt Asher. But none of that made me feel bad enough for Asher that it would make me willing to sit here and take his shit.
“You’re not special, you know. Lukas deserves someone who knows him. Someone who understands the industry.”
I closed my laptop and took a sip of my cappuccino. It had gone cold, but I didn’t let that bother me either. Just like I didn’t let Asher’s tantrum get to me. He was nearly a decade younger than I was, the age difference between him and Lukas even greater. Even dismissing the age gap, Asher wasn’t someone Icould see Lukas with. Maybe it was hubris at this point, but after the night we’d shared together, I wasn’t worried about Asher and any feelings he might have for Lukas. If Lukas had wanted Asher, he could have had him.
“He’s going to get sick of being behind the camera, you know. Performing is in his blood.” Asher leaned closer, lowering his voice. He was probably trying to sound menacing, but instead he oozed desperation and immaturity.
Part of his little tantrum worked, though, because the idea of Lukas going back in front of the camera, to performing with other men… I didn’t know how I felt about that.
“He’s going to start filming again. And then what will you do when Lukas is fucking all kinds of men who aren’t you?” He raked his stare over me like I wasn’t worth looking at.
Asher had managed to rattle me, but I was used to dealing with people like him. My brother hadn’t always been the nicest person and growing up with him had taught me a lot about how to defend myself.
It might not be how Asher usually was, but at this moment, he was a little boy with a bruised ego. I didn’t want to be cruel to him, mostly because he was important to Lukas, but also because I understood where he was coming from. He’d lost the person closest to him, and now he must feel like it was happening all over again. But the next words out of Asher’s mouth pissed me off.
“You don’t know him the way I know him,” Asher spat.
Shaking my head, I took a few deep breaths as I packed my laptop away into the bag and slung it over my shoulder as I stood.
I pinned Asher in place with a gaze that I hoped came off as cool indifference. “What’s his real name?”
Asher flinched like he’d been struck. He didn’t say a word, opting to instead glower up at me like I was the one who’d started this little confrontation.
When Asher didn’t say anything back to me, I softened my expression. “Look, Asher, you’re important to Lukas, and I’d never try to come between the two of you and your friendship. But that’s all it is for him, and that’s all it will ever be. So you might want to ask yourself what kind of friend sees someone who is important to a person they care about and decides to treat them the way you just treated me? And then you might want to think about what kind of people Lukas keeps close to him. Don’t fuck up your friendship with him, Asher. Because you’re not even mad at me, and I doubt you’re mad at Lukas either.”
Asher’s face turned an impressive shade of red and I didn’t wait to see if he’d say anything else before I turned and left the cafe. I let my adrenaline carry me as quickly as I could walk away from the encounter, but it wasn’t long before I heard a hurried set of footsteps rush up behind me.
Asher grabbed my arm, and I spun around, ready for a fight, but he had turned ghostly white, and he looked like he was trembling. A strong wind might have knocked him over.
“You’re not going to tell Lukas what I said, are you?” Asher started to babble. “Look, I just saw you and… and it was dumb and nothing I said was even true. I’m just… Please don’t tell him.”
I pulled my arm out of Asher’s grip. “If you haven’t told Lukas by tonight, I’m going to tell him.”
Asher pale complexion morphed into a sickly shade of green. “He’s going to be so pissed at me.”
It might have been cruel of me, but I shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe not. But if he hears it from you, you might be able to salvage your friendship.”
When I stormed away a second time, he didn’t follow me and by the time I got halfway down the street, I was a wreck. Asher had said a lot of dumb shit, but the part that bothered me was that I’d never once considered how I’d feel if Lukas decided to un-retire. What would I do if he started filming with other men? How would that make me feel? Would I be able to handle it?
Somehow, I doubted that. I doubted that a lot. I’d like to think that I was the kind of person who could be perfectly okay with their boyfriend having sex for money, and I was okay with it in past tense. But what would I do if it became a present tense situation?
Talking to Lukas would be the only way to sort this out, but I wanted to give Asher a chance to come clean to Lukas himself. Asher was important to him, and I didn’t want to be the cause of anything happening to their relationship.
Not wanting to be alone with my thoughts, I called an Uber. It took ten minutes to get there and another twenty to deliver me to my destination. I hadn’t even called ahead, I realized as the Uber pulled away.
