Sawyer wriggled closer, sliding his arms around me. We kissed for an eternity, taking turns leading the kiss. Sometimes I let Sawyer lead, let his tongue battle mine back into my mouth as I savored the way he writhed against me. Both of us were hard as a rock again, but we were both content to bask in the connection we were building.
Sometimes, I led the kiss, sweeping my tongue against his as my hands roamed his body. I loved the way he felt under my touch. Warm and supple and sweet for me. Sawyer made the best sounds when I found new spots on his body that were particularly sensitive.
After my lips started to ache from kissing, I pulled away, collapsing next to him on the bed.
Sawyer let out a deep breath. “That was hot,” he said.
He rolled back onto his side and curled against me. Resting his head on my chest, he draped an arm around me. Lips brushed against my chest, but only once, and then he made no other move to keep things going.
“It was absolutely one of the hottest things ever.”
Sawyer laughed. “You don’t have to flatter me.”
“Hey.” I shifted, urging Sawyer to sit up so I could look him in the eyes. “I wasn’t flattering you.”
For the first time since I met him, Sawyer seemed uncertain about something.
“I would never pay you lip service like that. If I say I enjoyed something, I mean it.”
He glanced away, then made himself look at me again.
“Talk to me.”
Sawyer let out a sigh, then moved so he was sitting cross-legged next to me. It seemed weird to lie down while he was sitting up, so I sat up too, leaning against the headboard with my legs stretched out in front of me. Unwilling to put my knees through the torture of sitting cross-legged.
“I just—I tell myself not to compare what we have to your past, and for the most part, I’m successful. But then there’s that two percent of the time where the doubt creeps in, and I’m like… what if he doesn’t really like me? What if I’m boring? If he’s so attracted to me, why did he say he wanted to take it slow? And I know it’s dumb?—”
“It’s not dumb.” I reached for Sawyer’s hand and tangled our fingers together. “I wanted to go slow because I wanted to do things the right way with you. I’ve entered so many relationships that were all spark and sizzle and nothing real ever came from them. But I wanted something real with you. Something that was based on more than just how good we feel when we’re naked together. But just so we’re clear, I absolutely love being with you. Naked and not naked. You’re not boring. You’re the best, brightest, most amazing person that I know.”
His shoulders relaxed, and he inched a little closer. “Is it wrong that I might need to—or just want to—hear you say that once in a while?”
Thinking back to the birthday card he’d made for me, I smiled. “I can record it for you, and then you can listen to it whenever you want. But if you need me to say it every day, a thousand times a day, I will.”
Sawyer shifted around until he was lying down again, and I slotted in behind him, turning him into my little spoon. “Thank you,” he whispered after a few minutes.
I didn’t say anything. Instead, I just kissed him behind the ear and buried my smile in his hair and breathed in his scent until sleep took me.
TWENTY-SEVEN
SAWYER
I usedthe time Lukas and I spent together to grill him about things for his book. And when I wasn’t writing, we hung around in bed. Lukas would curl up next to me as I sat with my laptop, asking questions and fleshing out the next chapters. I’d made good progress on the book. Part of me wanted to stretch this project out, to make every task last a lifetime. And I might have if it weren’t for the way Lukas’s excitement only grew with each completed chapter.
A few days had gone by, and he’d been reluctant to leave, but he had things to take care of back at his house. He lingered by the door, his arms around my waist. He kept stealing kisses. “I have to go. River has to get to his other job this morning so I have to go and let Lara out and take her for a walk.”
“I have chapters to write.” I wanted to tell him that I’d miss him, but I didn’t want to sound stupid or needy or clingy. It was clear to me that I was super invested in Lukas, that I’d alreadygiven my heart away. “And I should return some calls before people think I’ve been kidnapped or something.”
“Call me later?” Lukas said, dragging me into another kiss. At this rate, he’d never leave. Which was a lovely thought, but impractical. As much as I wanted to, we couldn’t hide from the world forever.
“Of course.” Lukas pulled away and finally made it out the door.
I stood there and watched him go, and when he was finally out of sight, I pulled myself back to reality and went inside.
Without him in my space, my home seemed suddenly empty. Everything had been tidied up and put away, and it was like the past almost twenty-four hours had never happened.
After a coffee and some procrastination, it became clear to me that I wasn’t going to get any work done sitting at home with fresh memories of Lukas to distract me. Once my mind was made up, I packed my laptop into a bag and made my way to a little coffee shop that I frequented sometimes when I wanted a change of scenery. It was near the university and occasionally I met Thurston here for a coffee.
Slipping my coat off, I hung it on the back of the chair and dug my laptop out of my bag. My French vanilla cappuccino steamed to my left next to my muffin. The cafe was busy today, and the only table available was one at the windows. I usually preferred one of the other tables, just because the glare from the sun could get annoying, but the day was a little overcast so it was okay.
