I take a deep inhale and blurt out, “I’m pregnant.”
His face goes extremely pale as he sits there without saying a word.
I give him a moment to process what I just said, then ask, “Say something.”
He shakes his head.
“No, you don’t want to say anything? Or no …” I leave the other part just floating in the air, unsaid.
“No,” he whispers.
“No what?”
“You said you were on birth control.”
“I am. I guess they were right in school that it’s not one hundred percent effective,” I say, trying to joke, but he doesn’t even crack a smile.
He still looks like he’s seen a ghost, staring off in space.
“Will you look at me?” I ask.
He shakes his head, then closes his eyes.
“Silas.” I reach for his hand.
A tear slips from his eye.
“Silas, talk to me.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t understand. I can’t have kids. I—I—I just can’t. I won’t survive it.” His voice cracks, and my heart breaks for so many reasons that I can’t wrap my head around them.
“What do you mean, you won’t survive it?”
He drops his head to his hands, and he can’t hold back his tears.
I place my hand on his back, and he instantly jumps up.
“I have to go.”
I sit there in shock as he walks out my door, making me cry because I honestly have no idea what all of that meant, but the fact that he walked out the door said a lot.
Looks like I’m on my own.
Silas
I don’t know if I should scream, throw up, or cry. I feel like I should do all three right before I beat the living shit out of myself for walking out her door.
I couldn’t sit there and have her watch me cry. Because that’s the exact response I have.
I want to cry for the family that I couldn’t save.
I want to cry for the girl I’m falling in love with.
And I want to cry for myself that I can’t be a father one day.
I always wanted to be a dad, but after what I’ve been through, there’s just no way.
What am I to do now though?
